Essay Revisions Writing is Revision Double check Press

Essay Revisions Writing is Revision

Double check Press control “F” (find) and look for the following words: • You (EX. Have you ever wondered? –Many have wondered) • Your (Ex. You should think about your vacation –One should think about their vacation) • I (Ex. I believe you should be careful -Studies show everyone should be careful) • We (Ex. We need to be careful –People need to be careful) • Our (Ex. Our future might depend on it –The future might depend on it. ) If these words are in your essay and they are not part of a citation, they need to be changed. DO NOT USE FIRST OR SECOND PERSON IN YOUR ACADEMIC ESSAY!!!!

Word Count • Use the tool bar to check the word count on your essay. • Essays should be between 500 -700 words. • If your essay is less than 500 words it is underdeveloped and you need to add more information to it.

Color Code your paragraphs • Only- Hook • Really- Thesis • Popular- Transition Words • Penguins- Topic Sentence • Get- Cite the Source • Butter- Elaborate/ Explain • Plus- Concluding Sentence Yams - Concluding paragraph/ Restate Thesis Introduction U. S. beach goers beware: Shark experts predict that there will be more shark attacks this summer than last, affecting the estimated 200 million people who visit American beaches each year. While it’s good to be aware, there is no need to panic. Despite the rise in shark sightings, there are ways to protect yourself at the beach. Swimmers can ensure their safety by avoiding dangerous swimming spots, avoid swimming at dawn, dusk, or night, and avoid swimming in cloudy or murky water.

Questions to ask / How can you elaborate? • Does the color coding show that you have a Hook? • Interesting fact or quote • Have you transitioned into your thesis with elaboration? • Anecdote to introduce the controversy • Briefly describe the controversy (both sides) • Is your thesis at the bottom of your paragraph? • That is where it belongs • Is your introduction all one color? • What do you need to add?

Color Code your paragraphs • Popular- Transition Words • Penguins- Topic Sentence • Get- Cite the Source • Butter- Elaborate/ Explain • Plus- Concluding Sentence Body Paragraphs One way swimmers can ensure their safety is to avoid dangerous swimming spots. For instance Florida swimmers might want to avoid New Smyrna Beach, which experts describe as the shark bite capital of the world (CNN). In August of 2019, 5 people were bitten by sharks in just 9 days. In fact according to the International Shark Attack File, any swimmer at that area is likely to have been within 10 feet of a shark at some point. Steering clear places like New Smyrna can reduce the odds of shark encounters.

Questions to ask • Does the color coding in my paragraphs show that I used a topic sentence for my paragraphs? • Does the color coding show that I used a reasonably length citation? • The green should not dominate the paragraph. The blue should. • Do I have a citation? • Did I end my paragraph with a citation? (it should end in pink) • Are there transition words and phrases leading into my paragraphs and citations? • Do I need to elaborate more so that blue is the dominant color?

How to do develop your paragraphs body paragraphs • Give Examples (give specific examples of what you are talking about) • Give an anecdote (tell a story to make a connection or preview the paper) • Give background information (explain the situation from the beginning) • Add citations to prove your claim (cite experts, people with experience, statistics, facts) • Use adjectives and adverbs (prepositional phrase when, with, where, how) • Give definitions (define academic terms or "terms of the trade" (boating, mountain climbing, etc. ) • Make connections with analogies • Make connections from one example to another

Color Code your paragraphs • Only- Hook • Really- Thesis • Popular- Transition Words • Penguins- Topic Sentence • Get- Cite the Source • Butter- Elaborate/ Explain • Plus- Concluding Sentence Yams - Concluding paragraph/ Restate Thesis Conclusion All in all, swimmers can ensure their safety at the beach by avoiding beaches where sharks are known to attack, being careful of the time of day they swim, and avoiding murky water.

Transitions • To indicate more information: • Besides • Furthermore • In addition • Indeed • In fact • Moreover • Second. . . Third. . . , etc. To indicate a cause or reason: • As • Because of To indicate an • Due to example: • For the reason that • For example • Since • For instance To indicate a result or effect: • Accordingly • In particular • Finally • Particularly • Consequently • Specifically • So • To demonstrate • Therefore • To illustrate • Thus

Transitions To indicate a particular time frame or a shift from one time period to another: • Initially • After • Lastly • Before • Later • Currently • Meanwhile • During • Next • Eventually • Previously • Finally • Simultaneously • Formerly • Soon • Immediately • Subsequently To summarize: • Briefly • In brief • Overall • To put it briefly • To sum up • To summarize To conclude: • Given these facts • In conclusion • To conclude

Repeated Words • Look for words you have used more than a couple of times. What synonyms could you replace them with? • EX. Swimmers • • • Beach goers Sun bathers Surfers Vacationers Tourist EX. Sharks -Predators -Ocean hunters -unwanted interloper -Giant fish -Great White or Tiger shark

You did it!!! You revised your rough draft!