EIGHT KEYS TO A GREAT MARRIAGE Some review

EIGHT KEYS TO A GREAT MARRIAGE

Some review from the past lessons

Key #1 Study, understand, and embrace the Bible on God’s plan for marriage.

Key #2 The Responsive Love Principle Meaning that God has implanted in the human nature to respond in like to love

Key #3 Domesticating your emotions Meaning that we often allow our hurt emotions to worsen the condition of our marriage after we have been offended

Key #4 Being in like: Making your spouse your forever girlfriend or boyfriend

Key #5 Let’s Make A Deal How husbands and wives can negotiate what they need from their mate by their willingness to meet the other’s needs in return

Key #6 Rules of Engagement: How to fight fair in marriage

Today’s New Key…

Key #7 Knowing how to forgive your mate

A great quote by the late Ruth Bell Graham… A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers

Isn’t it ironic that the one you started out loving more than any other out of six billion people on earth is the one that may hurt you the most! As believers it is our calling to forgive an indefinite amount of times.

A priest offers this insight into the importance of forgiveness… When I was first ordained a priest, I believed that over 50 percent of all problems were due to unforgiveness. After ten years in ministry, I revised my estimate and maintained 75 to 80 percent of all health, marital, family, and financial problems came from unforgiveness.

Now, after almost twenty years in ministry, I have concluded that over 90 percent of all problems are rooted in unforgiveness. http: //www. ewtn. com/library/SPIRIT/LAUER 3. TXT

For some of you… The greatest spiritual battle that you will ever engage in will be over the giant obstacle of forgiving someone for the pain they have caused you…

In more contemporary terms…

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it. ” Mark Twain

I. What are the two major kinds of things that we are called to forgive in marriage?

THE SMALL THINGS � Being late � Being unthoughtful � Forgetting an anniversary � Not following through on projects 12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Colossians 3

THE BIG THINGS �Infidelity �Alcoholism or drug abuse �Putting the family in financial ruin “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive your transgressions. Mark 11 25

Proverbs 19: 11 A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.

New Testament passages: � Matthew 18: 21 -35 � Ephesians 4: 32 � Colossians 3: 12 -14 � Book of Philemon

II. Twelve Step Program to Forgiveness…

1. Realize that God is working in all of your hurt for His purpose and glory. Genesis 50. 20 PS: When you get to heaven you can trade notes with Joseph

Key Biblical Concept “And as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. ” Genesis 50: 20

2. Unforgiveness is an affront to God and is incongruent with our forgiven state. Matthew 18. 21 -35

We have a wonderful role model… To the Lord our God belong compassion and forgiveness, for we have rebelled against Him; Daniel 9: 9

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. " C. S. Lewis

3. Don’t confuse forgiveness with reconciliation

There exists a confusion in the lack of distinction made between: �Unreconciled Forgiveness �Reconciled Forgiveness

Unreconciled Forgiveness Matthew 5. 23 -24 – Before the offending brother asks forgiveness, the offended person is called upon to have extended unreconciled forgiveness

Unreconciled Forgiveness is defined inductively: 1. Matthew 5. 21 -22 – Ongoing anger with your offender is forbidden 2. Matthew 5. 44 – Love your (offender) enemies

3. Matthew 5. 44 – Pray for your (offender) persecutors 4. Romans 12. 19 – Transfer your offender’s debt from your account to God 5. Romans 12. 20 – Become the servant of the offender

What Unreconciled Forgiveness Does Not Mean… � � � To pardon from consequences To restore To trust To embrace To have fellowship Relinquishing boundaries

Reconciled forgiveness occurs when two parties come together and work out their differences, ask forgiveness and experience healing.

Ideally it includes…. 1. The offender asking forgiveness 2. Responsibility for wrongs committed 3. Empathy 4. Love 5. Amends and restitution

4. Forgiveness seeks the repentance of the offender that is, that he or she be right with God

5. Forgiveness is a process and takes time. How long? In the words of the Prophet Kraning, “Less for some, more for others. ”

6. Forgiveness is a decision not an emotion, and can often begin by telling God that by His help, you are choosing to forgive someone.

7. Stop the prideful pity party, otherwise the pit may get too deep to crawl out.

DANGER, WILL ROBINSON � The Preoccupation with “self” is spiritually dangerous � Other words: Flesh Narcissism

8. Pray for a forgiving heart. Pray for the offender. Pray for all those impacted.

9. Realize that your pain is part of your story of what makes you uniquely you. God will use your pain in ministering to others. I Promise!

10. Forgiveness prevents victimization.

11. Write a private letter that expresses all your feelings. Don’t mail it!

12. The pain of unforgiveness can be torturous and is often worse than the pain of the offense. Matthew 18. 34

Quotes… �Unforgiveness is the poison pill you take while you wait for the other guy to die. �Not forgiving someone is like burning down your house to get rid of one rat

"And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. So shall My heavenly Father also do to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart. " Matthew 18. 34 -35

“Forgiving is not forgetting. It's letting go of the hurt. ”

“Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. ”