Effective Listening Skills Supplemental SelfStudy Presentation Effective Listening

Effective Listening Skills Supplemental Self-Study Presentation

Effective Listening Skills Overview

Effective Listening Skills Introduction After you’ve completed this course, you’ll be able to describe the importance of listening. You’ll know how to identify barriers to listening well and implement the steps of active, effective listening. You’ll be able to uncover hidden messages and listen well in tense, emotional situations. Finally, you’ll know how to increase the information flow to enhance productivity and teamwork.

Effective Listening Skills Module 1: The Importance of Listening

Effective Listening Skills Why Listen? Why does listening matter anyway? Think back to a time when you felt someone was really listening to you. What was the situation? How did you feel? Now, think of a time when you were really listening to someone else. What was the situation? How did you feel?

Effective Listening Skills Benefits of Listening So why do we listen? We listen to learn, understand, connect, and enjoy. Listening provides a wide variety of functions and benefits. Listening helps to: • Build relationships • Increase productivity • Solve problems • Improve our ability to influence, persuade, or negotiate • Enable us to avoid or minimize conflicts and misunderstandings

Effective Listening Skills Ineffective Listeners Let’s talk about what separates an ineffective listener from an effective listener. A poor listener is easily distracted and tends to let his/her mind wander. Ineffective listeners: • Allow grammar mistakes or other minor errors to catch their attention • Tune out when the speaker has a distracting delivery style, speaks slowly, or is discussing a dry topic • Quickly lose focus • Tend to interrupt • Can be over-stimulated; tend to seek and enter into arguments • Show no outward evidence of listening • Listen for facts alone and miss out on the complete message, often because they’re too busy taking notes to observe the speaker’s body language

Effective Listening Skills Effective Listeners At the other end of the spectrum are effective listeners. Their behavior essentially opposes that of poor listeners. Effective listeners fight distractions, see past bad communication habits, and know how to concentrate. Effective listeners: • Think about what they’re hearing and mentally summarize, taking into account the speaker’s tone of voice and body language • Allow the speaker to complete his/her thoughts • Take notes, but not excessively—just enough to recall the message later • Suspend judgment until they understand the message in full • Maintains focus despite grammar mistakes or other delivery errors • Maintain eye contact and help the speaker along by appearing engaged • Listen for the entire message

Effective Listening Skills Barriers to Listening: Bad habits There are lots of barriers to listening, and we are all prone to certain bad habits occasionally. Review the 5 bad habits listed here and decide whether any of them apply to you. If they do, you need to concentrate on eliminating these bad habits and improving your listening skills. • Are you convinced the topic is boring before you even begin listening? • Do you focus on the appearance and/or delivery style of the speaker? • Do you listen only to the facts/words and not the overall message? • Do you allow emotionally-charged words to impact your ability to listen? • Are you focused more on what you want to say than what the speaker is saying? Eliminate these bad habits and improve your listening!

Effective Listening Skills Barriers to Listening: Style Differences Let’s take a few minutes to talk about communication styles. People have different styles of communicating, which can affect how they listen to each other and get in the way of effective listening. Here are some examples of how a variety of styles might be described. Do any of them sound like you or someone you know? • “Give me just the facts. ” • “Let’s talk about how you’re feeling first. ” • “I’m interested in what you’re saying so I want to jump in and add to it. ” • “Why aren’t I saying anything? I’m processing what you said. ” • “If you don’t look me in the eye, I’ll think you’re hiding something. ” • “You keep looking me in the eye. I feel like I’m being interrogated. ” When communicating, try not to let a difference in communication style cause unnecessary friction.

Effective Listening Skills Test Your Knowledge Read each item and decide if it is an effective or ineffective listening behavior. When you’re ready click on the statement to reveal the correct answer. Interrupts Ineffective Listens for what is not said Effective Takes adequate notes Effective Jumps to conclusions Ineffective Jumps in to finish the speaker’s thought Ineffective Allows distractions to take over Ineffective Listens for facts alone Effectivebody language Observes Effective Overlooks grammar mistakes Effective Holds eye contact

Effective Listening Skills Module 2: Steps to Active Listening

Effective Listening Skills Overview of the Five Steps Now that you have a strong understanding of why listening is so critical, let’s discuss the steps for listening effectively, or the “ 5 Rs. ” We’ll talk about each of these steps in depth in this module. • • • Ready: Prepare yourself physically and mentally. Receive: Hear the message. Review: Evaluate the message. Respond: Show the speaker that you understand the message. Remember: Transfer the information you’ve heard from your short-term memory to your long-term memory. Perhaps most importantly, be available. You may be the best listener in the world, but if you’re always perceived as “too busy” or “just need another minute, ” others will stop trying to talk to you in a meaningful way.

Effective Listening Skills Ready: Prepare Physically Even if you think you can listen well while multi-tasking, the speaker will not feel listened to, and in fact, you’re not giving the speaker your full attention. • Find a quiet place to talk with the speaker, if possible. • Eliminate as many distractions in the environment as you can, such as noisy machines, talkative colleagues, and so on. • Turn off your phone and any other devices that may be a distraction. • Stop all activities that aren’t relevant to your conversation. • Make sure that your body language and posture is open and inviting throughout the conversation.

Effective Listening Skills Ready: Prepare Mentally Once you’ve prepared physically, it’s time to prepare mentally. Eliminating mental distractions is actually more difficult than eliminating physical ones. During the conversation: • Give the speaker 100% of your attention. • Put aside distracting thoughts. • If you know what the speaker plans to talk about, review what you know about the topic. • Remember that your goal is to understand what the speaker has to say, not the other way around.

Effective Listening Skills Listening and Talking: Two Different Speeds Let’s explore why it’s often difficult to put aside distracting thoughts. As human beings, we can listen and process information much faster than we can speak. We can listen at a rate of 400 words per minute but only talk at a rate of 150 words per minute. Much of our tendency to be distracted by our thoughts stems from this discrepancy. Because there is extra “processing time” in the listener’s mind while the speaker is talking, the listener’s mind can wander. When that starts to happen to you, recognize what’s going on and quickly refocus on the speaker. Listening rate: 400 words per minute Talking rate: 120 -150 words per minute

Effective Listening Skills Receive The next step in effective listening is to Receive, or hear, the message. Remember, the message isn’t just words alone; it also consists of the speaker’s body language and tone of voice. Be on the lookout for consistency between these components. Are the speaker’s words and body language congruent, or do they clash? Interrupting is a Waste of Time The speaker needs to feel heard, and you can’t rush that. Interrupting will only cause the speaker to repeat what they’ve already said. Instead: • Allow the speaker to finish sharing their thoughts. • Suspend judgment. • Show respect and empathy.

Effective Listening Skills Receive: Show You’re Listening Aside from not interrupting, there are other ways you can show the speaker that you’re listening carefully. You can provide verbal and non-verbal responses. • • Verbal response: “uh-huh, ” “go on, ” “and then…” Non-verbal response: head nod, hand gestures, open body position

Effective Listening Skills Review: Evaluate the Message The next step for effective listening is to Review the message—that is, evaluate what you just heard and saw. For example, if the speaker’s words and body language were not consistent, you will instinctively believe the body language. Here are some steps to take to ensure you evaluate the message objectively: • Ask questions to clarify if you’re not sure about something the speaker said. • Use your critical thinking skills. o Separate facts from opinions and inferences. o Identify assumptions and determine their validity. o Assess the credibility of the information.

Effective Listening Skills Review: Identify Your Personal Filters Let’s talk about how you evaluate messages a bit more. Your evaluation of a message will be affected by your personal filters. You have a unique lens through which you evaluate information, and this lens is shaped by your age, gender, cultural upbringing, and life experiences. If you don’t take your personal filters into consideration, your assumptions and interpretations may be biased. If you recognize your personal filters, however, you can uncover any faulty assumptions or incorrect interpretations of a message.

Effective Listening Skills Test Your Knowledge Read each example and identify which personal filter (age, gender, culture, life experience) it illustrates. When you’re ready, click on the statement to reveal the correct answer. A. You grew up in a loud, boisterous family. Life experience Age B. You are 20 years younger than most of the people you manage. Gender C. Your grandmother was the first woman to graduate from the law school she attended. Culture D. You believe too much eye contact is intrusive.

Effective Listening Skills Respond: Show You Understand The next step in effective listening is to Respond. When the speaker is finished talking, pause before you reply. This will give you time to carefully consider what you’re going to say before you say it. It’s helpful to paraphrase what the speaker was saying or describe how the speaker felt. Here are several suggested “openers” to help you demonstrate your understanding: • • “So, as you see it …” “You seem to be saying …” “You sound …” “You must have felt …” “What I’m hearing is …” “You must be feeling …” “It sounds like …”

Effective Listening Skills Respond: Determine Appropriate Response After you have confirmed that you understand the message, your next goal is to determine what kind of response the speaker is looking for. Does he/she want a straightforward answer? Guidance or advice? Help with brainstorming options? Or does he/she just need your support, but not an answer? While you may have an opinion about something, don’t give unsolicited advice. This could rub the speaker the wrong way; they may become defensive and think that you’re trying to change them. Finally, always be respectful and honest. You gain nothing by criticizing, attacking, or demeaning the speaker, so remain composed and considerate. Straightforward answer Help brainstorming options Guidance or advice Support, but no answers

Effective Listening Skills Remember: Make It Memorable The last step of effective listening involves moving what you just heard from your short-term memory to your long-term memory. To do this successfully, try to make the message memorable (you don’t have to count on the speaker to do this). Here are some ways to transfer short-term information to long-term: • Focus and concentrate. • Paint a picture in your mind. • Repeat the information back to the speaker. • Jot it down. • Attach a feeling. We remember things better when we have an emotion associated with it. • Use all your senses: Repeat a name while shaking hands and making eye contact.

Effective Listening Skills Remember: Create Associations Another technique to help you remember information long-term is to link the items in a variety of ways. These links don’t have to be logical; in fact, the more unique these connections are, the better you will remember them. Use these visualization tips: • Place main points on top of each other. • Crash or merge main points together. • Wrap items around each other. • Picture them dancing together. • Link items using color, shape or feeling. Let’s use the Statue of Liberty as an example. Say that you’re a venture capitalist and were just approached by Donna, an entrepreneur. She described her business plan for establishing a website where New Yorkers can order customized ice-cream and have it delivered the next day. How would you remember this? Combining the key items—ice cream, computer, New York—into one image would be an effective memory aid.

Effective Listening Skills Test Your Knowledge Can you put the steps of active listening in the proper order? When you’re ready, continue on to the next slide to reveal the correct order. Receive Remember Ready Review Respond

Effective Listening Skills Test Your Knowledge Part 2 Can you put the steps of active listening in the proper order? When you’re ready, continue on to the next slide to reveal the correct order. 1. Ready 2. Receive 3. Review 4. Respond 5. Remember

Effective Listening Skills Module 3: Skills to Improve Understanding

Effective Listening Skills Questioning Techniques We’ve covered the basic steps of active listening. However, it can be enhanced by improving your questioning skills. The key is to know your purpose before asking questions If you want to: • Clarify something ask, “I’m confused about…” or “Can you explain…? ” • Probe for more information, ask “Tell me more about…” • Confirm an assumption, say “So, from what you’ve said, I’m assuming …” • Acknowledge the speaker’s feelings, say “I sense you’re feeling …” • Build on an idea the speaker mentioned, say “That’s a good point. And, we could …” Try to avoid asking “Why” or “Why not” questions as they can cause defensiveness. Instead, rephrase your questions into something like, “How” or “Is there a reason …? ”

Effective Listening Skills Uncover Hidden Messages As we discussed earlier, a message consists of the speaker’s words, body language, and tone of voice. One of the benefits of effective listening is that you “hear” far more than the actual words spoken. When listening to the speaker, compare their words to their body language. If their words and body language are consistent, that indicates sincerity. If their words and body language are inconsistent, that indicates insincerity.

Effective Listening Skills Gestures and Their Meanings So how can you interpret body language? Here is a quick “cheat sheet” with some gestures that typically—though certainly not always—reflect the attitudes and behaviors listed. Scratching nose Crossing arms or legs Excessive smiling Tilting head Shoulders inching up toward ears Rubbing eyes Lying Defensiveness Lacking seriousness Submissiveness Lacking confidence Resistance

Effective Listening Skills Encouraging the Other Person to Talk Let’s return to the subject of verbal and non-verbal cues, which we touched on earlier. A good listener encourages the other person to talk through verbal and non-verbal prompts. Non-verbal Signals • Head nod • Eye contact • Hand gestures • Silence Verbal Prompts These are brief phrases that indicate understanding, agreement, or encouragement to continue. These include phrases such as: • “I see. ” • “And …” • “Uh-huh. ” • “Go on …”

Effective Listening Skills Paraphrasing Practice You can also encourage the speaker to talk by paraphrasing his or her thoughts and feelings. Paraphrasing doesn’t mean repeating what was said verbatim, but rather reflecting back the essence of what the speaker said. And if you’re wrong, they will correct you. Keep in mind that paraphrasing doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with what the speaker is saying—just that you want to confirm your interpretation is accurate. Compare these statements: “Since I was promoted to manager, I worry about making the wrong decisions. ” “Sounds like you’re feeling insecure. ” “I can’t figure out what to do with my new employee. She wants to do things her way instead of our way. ” “So you see her as having difficulty following our procedures? Do you want some help figuring out a solution? ”

Effective Listening Skills Test Your Knowledge Read each statement and think of a paraphrasing response. When you’re ready, click on the statement to reveal the suggested answer. “I keep to talk to her, but misunderstood. ” she just gets mad when I do. ” “It must trying be discouraging to feel “So you have some ideas aboutwould how tolisten improve the way the is done, “Just once I wish management to the people whowork do the work. ”and you want to know that someone is actually hearing your input? ” “They did such a good job selling; I don’t know if we can keep up with delivery. ” “You seem really concerned about not meeting your promises. ”

Effective Listening Skills Listening in Emotional Situations: Hot Buttons Effective listening is difficult in any situation. It can be especially challenging, however, when emotions are running high. Getting a handle on your own emotions is the first step to preventing them from interfering with listening. You can do that by recognizing your “hot buttons. ” Identify what triggers an emotional response in you by answering the questions below. • When have you spoken or acted impulsively and regretted it afterward? • What triggered your response? Was it something someone said or did? • Do you recognize a pattern? • If you’re having trouble figuring out your own hot buttons, do your friends, family, or colleagues know what “sets you off”? Can they tell you what makes you irritated or difficult?

Effective Listening Skills Keep Your Own Emotions Under Control Even if you’re aware of your hot buttons, it can be difficult to keep your emotions under control all the time. If you find your emotions running high: • Pause—stop whatever you’re doing. • Take a deep breath. • Consciously relax your throat and shoulders. These actions will help you calm down and feel more in control. So maybe yoga is out of the question, but do remember to breathe!

Effective Listening Skills Behaviors that Escalate Emotions Avoiding behaviors that escalate emotions is another way to maximize effective listening in emotional situations. Review this list and commit to eliminating these behaviors when you’re listening and responding to someone. Avoid these behaviors • Interrupting • Arguing • Telling the other person to calm down • Giving advice • Faking understanding • Belittling, condescending, or minimizing • Jumping to conclusions • Touching

Effective Listening Skills How to De-Escalate Emotions Here are some tips to help you de-escalate emotions. First, slow down and take a moment before you respond to keep your own emotions in check. Respect the emotional person’s perceptions as real to him or her. • o You can say something like, “If it were me, I’d be feeling …” Set clear boundaries while allowing the other person to talk. • o For example, say something like, “I’m here to listen, but I can’t do that until you slow down and stop swearing. ” • Use non-threatening words and an even-tempered tone of voice. • Keep your responses short.

Effective Listening Skills Make it Easy for Others to Listen to You We’ve discussed how important it is to give the speaker your full attention when you’re listening. But what if you’re the speaker? How can you ensure that you are listened to? Here are some tried-and-true strategies: • • Alert the other person; tell him or her explicitly that you need their attention. Use “I” language: “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel listened to. ” State your opinions as opinions, not facts: “It seems to me…” or “I believe …” Avoid sounding judgmental and using absolutes such as “you always” or “you never. ”

Effective Listening Skills Test Your Knowledge Read each statement and in your mind, rephrase it in a way that will make it easier for others to listen to you. When you’re ready, click on the statement to reveal a suggested answer. keep me in the loop. ” “I“You feel never uninformed when you don’t include me in the weekly update meeting. ” “I“That havewill a suggestion that I think will achieve the improvement we’re seeking. ” never work. ” “I believe it would be better to wait several days before contacting the accounting “You should wait a few days to contact the accounting department. ”

Effective Listening Skills Listening in a Group or Audience Let’s go back to you as the listener. Now, we’ll focus on how to behave when you are part of a group of listeners. When you’re listening in a group or audience, there are built-in distractions and challenges. You can’t block out physical noise or other similar distractions, and you don’t have a direct connection to the speaker. Let’s go over some techniques to help you minimize these difficulties and improve your listening skills in a group setting: • Identify the purpose or what you want to get out of the talk, presentation, or meeting. • Keep your eyes on the speaker and try to make eye contact. • Use your body language to show that you are interested: sit up, smile, lean forward, and so forth. • Refrain from partaking in side conversations. • If you have the opportunity to respond, keep it concise. Briefly restate the relevant point, then share your idea, interpretation, or reflection.

Effective Listening Skills Increase Information Flow Let’s shift gears now. Many of the skills that you use as an effective listener can be applied on a broader scale to create a positive work climate. The first step to increasing information flow and enhancing productivity is to establish an environment that fosters open communication. Key Components to Creating a Positive Climate Openness • o Use self-disclosure to build trust among teammates. Support • o View your teammates as collaborators, not competitors o help them out when they’re encountering difficulties o To bolster a sense of inclusion and recognition, celebrate the accomplishments of all teammates. Respect • o Accept diverse viewpoints, perspectives, and opinions. o Focus on “What can we learn from this experience? ” rather than “Who is to blame? ” o In this kind of atmosphere, team members will become better listeners and communicators.

Effective Listening Skills Increase Information Flow Part 2 The next step to increasing information flow and enhancing productivity is to examine processes and procedures. The goal is to make small changes to daily processes that will add up to big improvements. Improve Daily Processes • Examine your company’s organization methods and systems, such as planning tools, tracking systems, and meeting agendas and minutes. o Are there gaps or lapses in communication? Where can you increase the frequency and thoroughness of communication? • Clarify individual responsibilities and establish a sense of accountability. o Assign tasks with deadlines and impose consequences for noncompliance. o If there is a breakdown in communication, offer constructive feedback. Provide suggestions for improvement rather than blame.

Effective Listening Skills Review

Effective Listening Skills CASE STUDY—Apply What You’ve Learned Read the case study and answer the questions that follow in order to put your listening skills into practice. Organization: A local florist. People: Sally has owned the business for 15 years. Prior to buying it, she worked for other florists as a floral arranger. She has five employees. One of them is Claire, a floral arranger who has worked for Sally for two years. Situation: Claire is a talented floral artist. Many customers specifically request arrangements made by her. She is fairly quiet and introspective, while Sally is outgoing and gregarious. Sally attributes her success as a small business owner to her tenacity and chutzpah— she prides herself on having “stolen” talented employees from competing florists.

Effective Listening Skills CASE STUDY—Apply What You’ve Learned Part 2 Claire wants to talk to Sally about using a new system for ordering flowers so they arrive fresher and stay fresh longer. Claire: “Hey, Sally, do you have a few minutes to talk? ” Sally: “Sure, Claire, what’s on your mind? ” Claire: “Well, I’ve noticed over the last several months that some of our flowers are wilting soon after they arrive, and a couple of customers have called to say their arrangements haven’t stayed fresh for as long as they used to. ” Sally: “Why didn’t you say something sooner? I’ll call our supplier and give them a piece of my mind!” Claire: “Hang on. What I’m trying to say is that I think we can adjust our ordering process to be more ‘just in time. ’” Sally: “How can we do that? I’ve been in this business forever and I think I know how to handle the ordering. Are you suggesting I don’t know what I’m doing? ” Claire: “Of course not, but—“

Effective Listening Skills CASE STUDY—Apply What You’ve Learned Part 3 Sally: “What’s going on? Why don’t you look me in the eye? You’re acting guilty about something. ” Claire: “What? Where did you get that idea? I’m just trying to make sure our arrangements remain the same top quality they’ve always been. ” Sally: “Well, good. But maybe stick to arranging, not ordering. Our customers love you. ” Claire: “Thanks, but can we get back to the topic? ”

Effective Listening Skills CASE STUDY—Questions to Consider 1. This conversation clearly got off track. What is the source of this miscommunication? 2. What bad habits did Sally exhibit? 3. What style differences are apparent between Sally and Claire? 4. What characteristics of effective listeners did Sally exhibit? What characteristics of ineffective listeners did Sally exhibit? 5. What could Sally say or do differently to make the conversation go better? Review the ideas and suggested answers provided on the following slides.

Effective Listening Skills CASE STUDY—Suggested Answers 1. This conversation clearly got off track. What is the source of this miscommunication? The miscommunication is due to bad habits exhibited by Sally, and by style differences between Sally and Claire. 2. What bad habits did Sally exhibit? Sally was convinced she knew everything about the topic before listening to Claire; she heard the words, but didn’t hear the message; she allowed her emotions to control her response; she appeared to be more focused on herself than on Claire. 3. What style differences are apparent between Sally and Claire? Sally wants lots of eye contact, while Claire doesn’t; Sally is quick to interrupt and respond, while Claire is slower and needs more time to reflect. 4. What characteristics of effective listeners did Sally exhibit? What characteristics of ineffective listeners did Sally exhibit? Effective: She holds eye contact. Ineffective: She interrupted, appeared to enter into arguments quickly, and listened for facts alone.

Effective Listening Skills CASE STUDY—Suggested Answers Part 2 5. What could Sally say or do differently to make the conversation go better? Sally should refrain from interrupting and let Claire complete her thoughts. She should recognize that Claire needs a little more time to express herself than Sally herself does—she should acknowledge this style difference. And she should let Claire direct the flow of the conversation, because Sally’s responses totally changed the direction of the conversation.

Effective Listening Skills Congratulations! By now you should be able to: • Describe the importance of listening. • Identify barriers to listening well. • Implement the steps of active listening. • Uncover hidden messages. • Listen in emotional situations. • Increase information flow to enhance productivity and teamwork.

Effective Listening Skills Appendix

Effective Listening Skills References Donoghue, Paul J. , Ph. D. , and Mary E. Siegel. Are You Really Listening? : Keys to Successful Communication. Notre Dame, IN: Sorin Books, 2005. Hoppe, Michael H. Active Listening: Improve Your Ability to Listen and Lead (J-B CCL (Center for Creative Leadership)). San Francisco, CA: Pfeiffer, 2007. Romero, Diana Bonet. The Business of Listening: Become a More Effective Listener (Crisp Fifty Minute Series). 4 th edition. Menlo Park, CA: Crisp Publication, 2009. Selby, Jo. Listening with Empathy: Creating Genuine Connections with Customers and Colleagues. Singapore: Select Books, 2010. Zweifel, Thomas D. Communicate or Die: Getting Results Through Speaking and Listening (The Global Leader Series). Newburyport, MA: Hampton Roads Publishing, 2010.

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