DOORWAYS TO CHANGE LA CULTURA CURA FERNANDO MEDEROS

DOORWAYS TO CHANGE: LA CULTURA CURA FERNANDO MEDEROS ALIANZA & MASSACHUSETTS DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL SERVICES NOVEMBER 2006 1

WHAT HAVE WE TRIED WITH MEN WHO BATTER? THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM: FOCUS ON SAFETY!!! u PROTECTIVE/RESTRAINING ORDERS u ARREST, INCARCERATION u BATTERER INTERVENTION PROGRAMS WHILE ON PROBATION (DIDACTIC) u CHILD PROTECTION SERVICES: REMOVAL OF MAN OR CHILDREN 2

MULTI-LEVEL RESPONSE EXTERNAL INTERNAL MOTIVATORS: MOTIVATORS CONSEQUENCES n RESPECT n ESSENTIAL FOR n EDUCATION VERY DANGEROUS & IMPACTS ON CH. RESISTANT n POSITIVE n CRUCIAL FOR VISIONS CULT, OTHERS TABOO FATHERHOOD n ARREST, JAIL, n SKILL (MAINTAINER) PROBATION n INCREASE STAKE CONDITIONS, IN CONFORMITY 3 MONITORING

WHAT HAVE WE TRIED… FOCUS ON SAFETY!!! POLICE: u ENFORCE PROTECTIVE/RESTRAINING ORDERS u ARREST BASED ON ASSAULT OR VIOLATION OF ORDER u HOLD OFFENDER IN JAIL—TIME FOR VICTIM TO GET SERVICES u IMPACT ON CHILDREN HUGE SOCIAL MESSAGE—NEW TABOO 4

COURT: ENFORCE ORDERS ADJUDICATE—DUE PROCESS, PROSECUTE, GUILTY—CRAFT SENTENCE/ORDER THAT HOLDS OFFENDER RESPONSIBLE; CONDITIONS OF PROBATION MUST BE MET. BATT. INT. PROG. , SUB ABUSE, STAKE IN CONFORMITY PERIODIC COURT REVIEW BE WILLING TO SURRENDER NONCOMPLIERS HUGE SOCIAL MESSAGE—NEW TABOO 5

PROBATION: u ENFORCE JUDGES’ ORDERS u EXPLAIN ORDER u ENSURE OFFENDERS ENROLL IN BIP, SUB ABUSE Rx, WORK/EDUCASTION u TOUGH LOVE COACH u COLLECT DATA ON COMPLIANCE, SEND OT JUDGE FOR COURT REVIEWS u BE WILLING TO RECOMMEND SURRENDER HUGE SOCIAL MESSAGE—NEW TABOO 6

BIP: u FOCUS ON VIOLENT BEHAVIOR u REFRAME CONDUCT AS ABUSE u TEACH SKILLS FOR HEALTHY, NONCOERCIVE RELATIONSHIPS u USE CULTURE/FATHERHOOD AS INSPIRERS, MOTIVATORS u PROVIDE INFO TO PROBATION u BE WILLING TO TERMINATE NONCOMPLIERS u PARTNER, VICTIM SAFETY ISSUES HUGE SOCIAL MESSAGE—NEW TABOO 7

OTHER PROGRAMS: u BE AWARE OF COLLUSION, DEMONIZING u WORK AS PART OF TEAM u PROVIDE INFO TO PROBATION u BECOME EDUCATED ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND GENDER ISSUES 8

CHILD PROTECTION: u FOCUS ON BOTH PARTNERS; AVOID TENDENCY TO OVER-RELY ON THE WOMAN u SAFETY PLANNING FOR WOMAN/VICTIM OF VIOLENCE u FOCUS ON ABUSER—EXPECT CHANGE, FOCUS ON BEHAVIOR u DEVELOP RELATIONSHIP, USE CONNECTION TO MOTIVATE PERSON TO GET HELP/CHANGE. 9

CHILD PROTECTION: u USE FATHERHOOD VISION TO MOTIVATE CHANGE u BRING IN STOPPING ABUSE AND ENDING OPPRESSIVE BEHAVIOR TOWARD PARTNER AS PART OF BEING A GOOD FATHER u BE ABLE TO TEACH/HELP MEN UNDERSTAND GOOD FATHERING 10

MINDSET? ¿ANGER, DESIRE TO RETALIATE; ¿READY TO BLAME HER FOR EVERYTHING ¿WILL USE CULTURE OR HER BEHAVIOR AS AN EXCUSE ¿SOME REGRETS & GUILT (NOT ALL MEN FEEL REGRETS—MANY DO) ¿FEARFUL ABOUT COURT INVOLVEMENT & CPS--AFRAID OF CAUSING REMOVAL OF CHILDREN OR DEPORTATION (IMMIGRANTS) 11

MINDSET… u. THEY EXPECT TO BE VIEWED AS MONSTERS, CRAZY, CRIMINALS OR SICK PERSON, “JERK”: THAT’S VIEW IN MOST COMMUNITIES u. VERY DEFENSIVE ABOUT ANYBODY TALKING TO THEM: “IT’S MY BUSINESS” u. EASILY ESCALATED THROUGH DIRECT CONFRONTATION: FAMILY PAYS 12

RESULT OF MINDSET DEFENSIVE AGGRESSIVE POSTURE VARIED, CONTRADICTORY REACTIONS üDEFENSIVE & CHALLENGING üOPPOSITIONAL & INTIMIDATING üSUPERFICIAL COMPLIANCE, MAYBE CHARMING WHEN INTIMIDATED (AGREE TO THINGS THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND), üLOOKING FOR LOOPHOLES 13

DOORWAYS TO CHANGE HOW CAN WE ENTER THIS WORLD WITHOUT ANTAGONIZING THE MEN? (INCREASING RISK OR CAUSING RETALIATION AGAINST HER) Ø HOW CAN WE REACH THEM AND INSPIRE THEM? Ø WHAT AVENUES CAN WE PURSUE? Ø 14

THE HOW SAFETY: YOURS, PARTNERS’ & CHILDREN’S RESPECT SHOW INTEREST: LISTENING WITHOUT AGREEMENT AVOID DEBATE—NO DOMINANCE STRUGGLE DON’T LABEL THE PERSON, FOCUS ON THE BEHAVIOR 15

FIRST AVENUE: USING CULTURE IT IS EASIER TO CHANGE IF YOU HELP SOMEONE TO MOVE TOWARD SOMETHING THEY KNOW AND LOVE 16

FIRST AVENUE: USING CULTURE UNDERSTAND BOTH: CULTURAL VALUES AND MODELS THAT ENABLE OR MODEL OPPRESSIVE RELATIONSHIPS AND POSITIVE CULTURAL VALUES AND MODELS THAT SUPPORT FUNCTIONAL AND RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIPS USE POSITIVE CULTURAL VALUES TO INSPIRE CHANGE 17

FIRST AVENUE: USING CULTURE UNDERSTAND ASPECTS OF MANHOOD & MASCULINITY THAT ARE POSITIVE, USE THEM TO PROMOTE CHANGE. MAKE STATEMENTS THAT EVOKE THEM USE FATHERHOOD AS A CORE VALUE MOST MEN HAVE POSITIVE IDEALS OF FATHERHOOD 18

LATINOS: CULTURALLY BASED CHANGE FUNDAMENTAL VALUES üRESPETO üMACHISMO: CONTRADICTORY IDEALS üORGULLO -- PRIDE üCOMPADRAZGO üDAR BUEN EJEMPLO – GOOD EXAMPLE 19

RESPETO: 2 POLES MAN DESERVES RESPECT BECAUSE HE IS THE MAN RESPECT BASED ON AUTHORITY AND HIERARCHY DOES NOT HAVE TO BE EARNED RESPECT EQUALS DEFERENCE MAN MUST EARN RESPECT: FULFILL OBLIGATIONS BE A GOOD PROVIDER, MEET OBLIGATIONS, GIVE GOOD EXAMPLE, RESPECT OTHERS HAY QUE DARLE SU LUGAR A LA MUJER ‘HAVE TO RESPECT HER’ 20

MACHISMO THE MAN AS “BOSS”, PROVIDER, SEXUAL ADVENTURER. ORDERS WIFE. JEALOUS. MAINTAINS SEPARATE SPHERE WITH PEERS. THE MAN WHO MEETS OBLIGATIONS, “RECOGIDO” “CASERO. ” TREATS WIFE MORE AS PARTNER. EARNS RESPECT W/EXTENDED FAMILY. 21

ORGULLO—PRIDE t. SENSE OF SELF-ESTEEM IN PUBLIC LIFE: VERY CENTRAL t. VERY HARD TO ADMIT FAULT FOR MEN: LOSS OF FACE t. CAN BE TIED TO MACHISMO OR TO THE CAPABLE MAN, (EL HOMBRE CAPAZ, EL HOMBRE EJEMPLAR, EL BUEN HOMBRE, EL HOMBRE RESPONSABLE ETC. ) 22

COMPADRAZGO SPECIAL, INTIMATE, RELATIONSHIP WITH SAME SEX PEER OR ELDER SHARE SELF, RECEIVE ADVICE ACTS AS PROTECTIVE FACTOR— DE-ESCALATION & PROVIDER OF CONTACTS AND RESOURCES 23

SAMPLE STATEMENTS SI LE PEGAS, DAÑAS A LA FAMILIA ENTERA IF YOU HIT HER, YOU HURT YOUR WHOLE FAMILY PARA GANARSE EL RESPETO, HAY QUE SABER RESPETAR. ESTA EN TUS MANOS. TO WIN RESPECT, YOU MUST PROVIDE RESPECT. IT’S IN YOUR HANDS. 24

SAMPLE STATEMENTS EL HOMBRE SE DA A CONOCER A TRAVÉS DE SU BUENA CONDUCTA Y DE SUS ACCIONES. A MAN BECOMES KNOWN THROUGH HIS GOOD BEHAVIOR AND THROUGH HIS DEEDS. EL HOMBRE SE GANA EL RESPETO Y LA CONFIANZA DE SU PAREJA Y DE SUS HIJOS. A TRUE MAN WINS THE RESPECT OF HIS PARTNER AND HIS CHILDREN. 25

SAMPLE STATEMENTS EL HOMBRE DE VERDAD RESUELVE PROBLEMAS, NO LOS CREA. . . THE TRUE MAN SOLVES PROBLEMS, HE DOESN’T MAKE PROBLEMS. EL HOMBRE DE VERDAD APRENDE A COOPERAR EN VEZ DE DOMINAR. . . THE TRUE MAN LEARNS TO COOPERATE/COLLABORATE, NOT TO DOMINATE. 26

SECOND AVENUE: USING FATHERHOOD IS A POWERFUL IDEAL FOR MANY MEN. THEY WANT TO BE REMEMBERED IN A GOOD WAY; THEY WANT TO DO SOMETHING GOOD, EVEN IF THEY DON’T KNOW HOW. DOORWAYS: TALK ABOUT EFFECTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST PARTNER ON CHILDREN TALK ABOUT EFFECTS OF VIOLENCE ON FAMILY EDUCATION ABOUT IMPACT OF VIOLENCE 27

USING FATHERHOOD TALK ABOUT EFFECTS ON CHILDREN: AUNQUE NO SEAS EL PADRE, ESTA EN TUS MANOS DAR EL BUEN EJEMPLO. IT’S UP TO YOU TO GIVE A GOOD EXAMPLE EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER EL PADRE ILUMINA EL CAMINO PARA LOS HIJOS. LO QUE TU HACES CUENTA MUCHO. THE FATHER LIGHTS THE WAY FOR THE CHILDREN. WHAT YOU DO COUNTS A LOT. EL DOLOR DURA EN EL CORAZON. PAIN STAYS IN THE HEART 28

FATHERHOOD DAR BUEN EJEMPLO: TU CONDUCTA ES UN EJEMPLO EN TODO LO QUE HACES. NO SON LAS PALABRAS SINO LAS ACCIONES LAS QUE CUENTAN. YOU ARE AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM IN ALL THAT YOU DO. WHAT YOU DO IS WHAT REALLY MATTERS. CUANDO LE PEGAS A ELLA ES COMO SI LES PEGARAS A LOS NIÑOS “WHEN YOU HURT YOUR PARTNER, YOU HURT YOUR CHILDREN” 29

FATHERHOOD DAR BUEN EJEMPLO: SE QUIERES SER BUEN PADRE. I KNOW YOU WANT TO BE A GOOD FATHER. AUNQUE NO LO CREAS, TUS HIJOS LLEVARAN RECUERDOS DE TU CONDUCTA PARA SIEMPRE. EVEN IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE IT, YOUR CHILDREN WILL CARRY WHAT YOU DO FOREVER. 30

FATHERHOOD TALK ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RESPECT AND FEAR. IF YOU BASE YOUR DISCIPLINE ON FEAR, YOU WILL TEACH THEM TO FEAR YOU AND RESENT YOU. IF YOU BASE YOUR DISCIPLINE ON BEING CLEAR ABOUT LIMITS, REASONING WITH KIDS, CONSISTENCY AND FIRMNESS, YOU TEACH THEM FAIRNESS AND GIVE A GOOD EXAMPLE. 31

FATHERHOOD EL HOMBRE SE DA A RESPETAR CON BUEN EJEMPLO, CON PACIENCIA, CON CLARIDAD Y CON AMOR. EL HOMBRE PACIENTE SABE RAZONAR CON LOS HIJOS. TAMBIEN ES RAZONABLE EN LO QUE LE EXIGE A SUS HIJOS. A MAN EARNS RESPECT WITH GOOD EXAMPLE, WITH PATIENCE AND THROUGH CLARITY AND LOVE. THE PATIENT MAN KNOWS HOW TO REASON WITH HIS CHILDREN. HE IS ALSO REASONABLE IN WHAT HE EXPECTS THEM TO DO. 32

FATHERHOOD SI NO RESPETAS A TU PAREJA, DAÑAS A TODA LA FAMILIA. IF YOU DO NOT SHOW RESPECT FOR THEIR MOTHER, YOU HURT THEM AND WEAKEN YOUR FAMILY. TALK ABOUT HOW TO SHOW RESPECT EVEN WHEN YOU DISAGREE SI LE FALTAS EL RESPETO Y DESTRUYES SU CAPACIDAD DE MANTENER DISCIPLINA CON LOS NIÑOS, TAMBIÉN DESTRUYES LA CAPACIDAD DE RESPETAR EN LOS NIÑOS. IF YOU DISRESPECT HER AND UNDERMINE HER DISCIPLINE, YOU DESTROY THE KIDS’ CAPACITY TO RESPECT ADULTS 33

LATINOS ¿ LEVELS OF DV NOT DIFFERENT FROM MAINSTREAM ¿ FAMILIES ØGET MARRIED YOUNGER ØMORE CHILDREN ¿ WORK ORIENTATION & EMPLOYMENT ¿ SUBSTANCE ABUSE: EPISODIC, BINGE ON WEEKENDS DRIVE UNDER INFLUENCE, ACCIDENTS 34

LATINOS ¿SUBSTANCE ABUSE: EPISODIC, BINGE ON WEEKENDS DRIVE UNDER INFLUENCE, ACCIDENTS ¿ 1 ST GENERATION VS. 2 ND GENERATION ¿IMMIGRATION: A 2 -WAY STREET & VULNERABILITY ¿OPPRESSION, RACISM, TRAUMA, EXPOSURE TO VIOLENCE, POVERTY, UNDEREMPLOYMENT, LOW ED LEVELS. 35

LA CULTURA THECURA BAD RAP: MAINSTREAM AMERICAN BATTERERS ARE DEVIANTS, BUT “THEIRS” ARE IN THEIR CULTURAL MAINSTREAM ALL CULTURES HAVE ELEMENTS THAT OPEN THE DOOR TO OPPRESSIVE MALE RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN & ALL CULTURES HAVE ELEMENTS THAT ARE PROTECTIVE & MODEL RESPECTFUL, NON -COERCIVE RELATIONSHIPS 36

RESOURCES www. dvalianza. org www. idvaac. org www. aapi. org www. endabuse. org www. cangleska. org 37