Domestic Violence WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Domestic violence

Domestic Violence

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Domestic violence, or battering, is a pattern of abusive behaviors that some individuals use to control their intimate partners. Domestic Violence is any type of violence, abuse, or threat of violence that one partner in a relationship commits against another. It includes physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. Domestic violence is a serious problem that has been happening for centuries.

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Domestic Violence involves a continuum of behaviors. Examples include punches, kicks, slaps, hits, shoves, forcing partner to perform degrading tasks, using degrading remarks, sexual assault, rape, and any other tactics used to establish power and control over a partner. Domestic Violence can occur in any relationship, married or unmarried, homosexual or heterosexual.

Does your partner ever. . . n n n Hit, kick, shove, or injure you? Use weapons/objects against you or threaten to? Force or coerce you to engage in unwanted sexual acts? n n Control what you do and who you see in a way that interferes with your work, education or other personal activities? Steal or destroy your belongings?

Does your partner ever. . . n n n Constantly criticize you, call you names or put you down? Make you feel afraid? Deny your basic needs such as food, housing, clothing, or medical and physical assistance?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, it may be time to think about your safety.

STATISTICS n n 95% of the victims are female. 95 -98% of the perpetrators are male. Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten, raped, or killed. Domestic violence occurs among all racial, ethnic, religious, and socioeconomic groups. Battering is the largest single major cause of injury to women.

STATISTICS n n Everyday, 4 women are murdered at the hands of an intimate partner. About 2 - 4 million American women are battered each year by their partners. Women are at a 75% greater risk of being killed after they leave their partners. About 1/3 of female homicide victims are killed by their partners.

STATISTICS n n n Boys who have witnessed abuse of their mothers are twice as likely to abuse their female partners and children as adults. Children who witness domestic violence are more likely to commit sexual assault crimes. Between 3 and 10 million American children witness domestic violence each year.

STATISTICS n n Children of abused mothers are more likely to attempt suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away from home, and engage in teenage prostitution. • In a 1992 study, 63% of imprisoned kids between ages 11 – 20 were doing time for killing their mother’s batterer. n Domestic Violence in Alabama 2006

MYTHS AND FACTS n n MYTH: Domestic violence is a "loss of control. "FACT: Violent behavior is a choice. Perpetrators use it to control their victims. Domestic violence is about batterers using their control, not losing their control. Their actions are very deliberate.

MYTHS AND FACTS n n MYTH: The victim is responsible for the violence because she provokes it. FACT: No one asks to be abused. And no one deserves to be abused regardless of what they say or do.

MYTHS AND FACTS n n MYTH: If the victim didn't like it, she would leave. FACT: Victims do not like the abuse. They stay in the relationship for many reasons, including fear. Most do eventually leave.

MYTHS AND FACTS n n MYTH: Domestic violence only occurs in a small percentage of relationships. FACT: Estimates report that domestic violence occurs in ¼ to ⅓ of all intimate relationships. This applies to heterosexual as well as samesex relationships.

MYTHS AND FACTS n n MYTH: Middle and upper class women do not get battered as frequently as poor women. FACT: Domestic violence occurs in all socioeconomical levels. Because women with money usually have more access to resources, poorer women tend to utilize community agencies, and are therefore more visible.

MYTHS AND FACTS n n MYTH: Batterers are violent in all their relationships FACT: Batterers choose to be violent toward their partners in ways they would never consider treating other people.

MYTHS AND FACTS n n MYTH: Alcohol/Drugs cause battering behavior. FACT: Although many abusive partners also abuse alcohol and/or drugs, this is not the underlying cause of the battering. Many batterers use alcohol/drugs as an excuse to explain their violence.

UNDERLYING CAUSES It is no coincidence that an overwhelming majority of the victims of domestic violence and sexual assault are women and children. At the root of these crimes lies a society in which patriarchy determines the worth of human beings. John Gottman and Neil Jacobson, in their 1998 book titled When Men Batter Women report that "battering, and the values supporting it, cannot be understood apart from other aspects of the culture that sanction male superiority. "

UNDERLYING CAUSES Traditional gender based roles in our society place men in positions of power over women in most all arenas (family, work, religion, recreation, etc. ).

UNDERLYING CAUSES Often, through the media and other forms of socialization, we encourage using violence as a means of gaining power and control. We place the most value on those individuals with the most power and control. Because this foundation is set in our society, our belief systems are affected.

UNDERLYING CAUSES For example, many batterers believe the following statements to be true: (a) "Sometimes I have the right to use violence to get my way. " (b) "Men are supposed to be the head of the household. " (c) "Women should do what they're told. "

UNDERLYING CAUSES However, men are not the only ones in our society who use violence. Women and children are becoming more violent as well, oftentimes responding to acts of violence with violence. Many factors, such as alcohol and drug use and poverty, contribute to a growing use of violence.

WARNING SIGNS Many of the signs women are taught to Interpret as caring, attentive, and romantic are actually early warning signs for future abuse. Some examples Include: n n INTRUSION: Constantly asks you where you are going, who you are with, etc. ISOLATION: Insists that you spend all or most of your time together, cutting you off from friends and family.

WARNING SIGNS n n n POSSESSION AND JEALOUSY: Accuses you of flirting/having sexual relationships with others; monitors your clothing/make-up. NEED FOR CONTROL: Displays extreme anger when things do not go his way; attempts to make all of your decisions. UNKNOWN PASTS / NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN: Secretive about past relationships; refers to women with negative remarks, etc.

MORE WARNING SIGNS n n 1. Was or is abused by a parent. 2. Grew up in a home where an adult was abused by another adult. 3. Gets very serious with boyfriends/girlfriends very quickly – saying “I love you” very early in the relationship, wanting to move in together or get engaged after only a few months, or pressuring partner for a serious commitment. 4. Comes on very strong, is extremely charming and an overly smooth talker.

MORE WARNING SIGNS n n n 5. Is extremely jealous. 6. Isolates partner from support systems – wants partner all to themselves, and tries to keep partner from friends, family or outside activities. 7. Attempts to control what partner wears, what she/he does or who she/he sees. 8. Is abusive toward other people, especially mother or sisters if he is a male. 9. Blames others for one’s own misbehavior or failures.

MORE WARNING SIGNS n n 10. Has unrealistic expectations, like expecting partner to meet all of ones needs and be the perfect partner. 11. Is overly sensitive – acts ‘hurt’ when not getting one’s way, takes offense when others disagree with an opinion, gets very upset at small inconveniences that are just a normal part of life. n 12. Has ever been cruel to animals. n 13. Has ever abused children. n 14. Has ever hit a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past.

MORE WARNING SIGNS n n n 15. Has ever threatened violence, even if it wasn’t a serious threat. 16. Calls partner names, puts him/her down or curses at him/her. 17. Is extremely moody, and switches quickly from being very nice to exploding in anger. 18. If a male, believes women are inferior to men and should obey them. 19. Is intimidating, for example using threatening body language, punching walls or breaking objects.

PROGRESSION OF ABUSE Domestic violence usually starts small and becomes more severe and frequent over time. Many times it progresses through the following stages: n 1. Pre-battering violence Hitting or breaking objects, threats of violence, verbal abuse.

PROGRESSION OF ABUSE n n n 2. Beginning level violence Pushing, restraining, blocking doorways, holding down, shaking. 3. Moderate level violence Slapping, punching, kicking, pulling hair, spanking. 4. Severe level violence Choking, beating with objects, use/threat of weapons, sexual abuse.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE CHECKLIST n n n Do you have to get permission to socialize with your friends? Are you accused of cheating on him when you leave the house to do errands, etc. ? Are you afraid to talk about certain topics unless he's in a good mood? Does he have control over the money and monitor your spending? Does he tell you no one else would ever want you?

EMOTIONAL ABUSE CHECKLIST n n n Does he threaten to harm himself if you leave him? Does he go through your purse or open your mail? Does he make disparaging remarks about the way you look or dress? Does he use things against you that you've confided to him in the past? Does he sabotage your efforts to be involved in pleasant social or family events?

EMOTIONAL ABUSE CHECKLIST n n n Does he compare you negatively to other women? Are you nervous about being on the phone when he is around? Is it okay to return home later than scheduled without being fearful? Does it feel more like you have a dad than a partner? Does he give you the 'silent treatment' when you want to talk or work things out?

EMOTIONAL ABUSE CHECKLIST n n n Does he try to turn the children against you? Do you feel manipulated by his kindness or gifts? Do you feel obligated to be sexual with your partner? Are your activities and interests looked upon as unimportant and trivial? Does he sabotage your schedule and outside commitments?

BARRIERS TO LEAVING Many victims find it difficult to leave their batterers despite continued and often severe abuse. Some barriers include: n financial dependence n religious/family pressures

BARRIERS TO LEAVING n fear of being alone n fear of increased violence n loyalty to the marriage n denial

BARRIERS TO LEAVING n internalization of the abuser's words ("I deserve the abuse") n love n shame n the belief that it will get better

I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS BEING ABUSED What to do. . . n n n Do not confront the abuser. When speaking to the victim, assure her that she is not the cause of the violence. Be prepared for her to minimize or deny the abuse.

I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS BEING ABUSED What to do. . . n n Help her identify her own strengths and possible resources. If she is living with her abuser and chooses to leave, discuss a safety plan if there is advanced time.

PLANNING FOR SAFETY Without help, domestic violence often continues to get more severe over time. It can sometimes become deadly. To increase your safety: n n Tell others you trust such as friends, family, neighbors and co-workers, what is happening and talk about ways they might be able to help. Memorize emergency numbers for the local police (such as 911), support persons and crisis hotlines.

PLANNING FOR SAFETY n n Put together an emergency bag with money/ checkbooks, extra car keys, medicine, and important papers such as birth certificates, social security cards, immigration documents, and medical cards. Keep it somewhere safe and accessible, such as with a trusted friend. Trust your instincts. If you think you are in immediate danger, you probably are. Get to a safe place as soon as you can.

PLANNING FOR SAFETY n n Identify escape routes and places to go if you need to flee from an unsafe situation quickly. Talk with your children about what they should do if a violent incident occurs or if the are afraid.

DATING VIOLENCE WHAT IS DATING VIOLENCE? Dating Violence consists of verbal, emotional, psychological, physical, and/or sexual abuse of one person by another in a dating relationship. It includes. . . n Degrading remarks and jokes. n Threats. n Punches, kicks, and slaps. n Restraining, choking, and suffocating. n Sexual abuse.

DATING VIOLENCE STATISTICS n n 1 in 3 teens experience violence in their dating relationship. 95% of the victims are female. 95% of the perpetrators are male. Dating violence occurs among all races, religions, classes, etc.

DATING VIOLENCE n Be cautious of guys who seem intrusive, controlling, possessive, and/or fall in love too fast. Remember, jealousy is not a sign of love. Cruelty to animals is often a warning sign for dating violence.

BILL OF RIGHTS n n n You have the right to be you. You have the right to put yourself first. You have the right to be safe. You have the right to love and be loved. You have the right to be treated with respect. You have the right to be human - NOT PERFECT.

BILL OF RIGHTS n n n You have the right to be angry and protest if you are treated unfairly or abusively by anyone. You have the right to your own privacy. You have the right to your own opinions, to express them, and to be taken seriously. You have the right to earn and control your own money. You have the right to ask questions about anything that affects your life. You have the right to make decisions that affect you.

BILL OF RIGHTS n n n You have the right to grow and change (and that includes changing your mind). You have the right to say NO. You have the right to make mistakes. You have the right NOT to be responsible for other adults’ problems. You have the right not to be liked by everyone. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONTROL YOUR OWN LIFE AND TO CHANGE IT IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH IT AS IT IS.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS You need and deserve at least a few people in your life with which you have healthy relationships, people whom: n n n ☼You like, respect, and trust, and who like, respect and trust you. ☼Make you feel good about yourself. ☼Listen to you without sharing personal information about you with others.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS n n ☼You can tell anything. ☼Allow you to talk freely and express your feelings and emotions without judging you, criticizing you, teasing you, or putting you down.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS n n n ☼Give you good advice when you want and ask for it, and who will work with you to figure out what to do next in difficult situations. ☼Allow you the space to change, grow, make decisions, and make mistakes. ☼Accept you as you.

Assignment Please write a minimum two page essay detailing everything you have learned and/or know about Domestic Violence.