DOMESTIC ABUSE AND SEXUALIZED VIOLENCE The Reverend Marc

DOMESTIC ABUSE AND SEXUALIZED VIOLENCE The Reverend Marc D. Smith, Ph. D. Bishop’s Deputy for Gun Violence Prevention Episcopal Diocese of Missouri and Priest Associate Episcopal Church of the Holy Communion University City, Missouri

COLLECT FOR HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS God of immeasurable love, who suffers with those abused by the ones they hold most dear, the ones they just met and the ones who silently invaded their lives: Hold these most vulnerable lives in your care; protect them, comfort them and strengthen them; embolden their voices even as you quell their pain; and summon them to lead us in defending the sanctity of human relationships; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

STUDY OBJECTIVES • Examine the prevalence of domestic abuse and sexualized violence in the United States and the physical, psychological and spiritual consequences for both victims and perpetrators • Explore the social, economic, racial and psychological factors which contribute to domestic abuse and sexualized violence • Consider evidenced-based strategies to mitigate domestic abuse and sexualized violence and the potential opportunities for faith communities to assist in implementing them

FOR CONSIDERATION • Judges 19: 25 b-29 (Rape of the Concubine) • 2 Samuel 13: 8 -14 (Rape of Tamar) • John 8: 1 -11 (The Adulterous Woman)

THE “ 15 -MINUTE RULE” “As late as the 1970 s, it was not uncommon for a prosecutor to base the decision of whether to bring charges against the abuser on the number of stiches required to close the woman’s wounds. Prosecutors joked about the “fifteen-minute rule” – if, after spending fifteen minutes with the victim, the lawyer was ready to beat her himself, he would not pursue the case. ” Dawn Bradley Berry

VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN: NOTHING NEW • Throughout recorded history, acts against women imbedded in family life and society and codified in public morality and statutes • Consequences of women understood as “property” • The “doubled standard” in ancient and contemporary societies • Physical & psychological abuse to maintain male dominance & control • Sexual abuse as an instrument of war

DEFINITION OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE “Domestic violence involves violence or abuse by one person against another in a familial or intimate relationship [and includes]: acts or threats of physical or sexual violence; emotional or psychological abuse; stalking; financial abuse; and threats to “out” a person’s sexual orientation to family, co-workers or friends. ” safehorizon. org

DEFINITIONAL BREADTH • Popularly conceived as male perpetrated violence against a female spouse or romantic partner • However, broad spectrum of abusive behaviors encompassed by definition • Includes male & female perpetrators & victims • Includes heterosexual and same-sex relationships

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE DATA • Lifetime prevalence of severe physical abuse: 25% of women & 14% of men • >1, 500 annually killed by current or former intimate partner • Lifetime prevalence of emotional or psychological abuse: 50% of both women and men • >15 million acts of domestic violence witnessed by children annually, 3, 000 of which are fatal • $8. 3 billion yearly cost in medical care & lost productivity in the U. S.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: LGBTQ+ DATA • Lifetime prevalence of physical assault, stalking or rape: 40% of lesbian & 60% of bisexual women; 25% of gay and 33% of bisexual men; and 50% of transgender individuals

FACTORS CORRELATED WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE • • • Male Prior history Childhood sexual abuse Inadequate coping skills Low self-esteem Co-dependent behavior Untreated mental illness Alcohol and/or drug abuse Socioeconomically stressed Prior criminal history

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE • Phase 1: increasingly critical male, with partner attempting to mollify him • Phase 2: violent rage & acute battering • Phase 3: profound remorse & pledge of future self-restraint

ALTERNATE PARADIGMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE • Episodic & infrequent abuser • “Rapid cycler” committing frequent violent acts, often in multiple settings with different people

VICTIMIZATION Inability to escape abusive situation Financial dependence Fear of retaliation Lack of community resources Uncertainty of future Unrealistic hope of partner’s changed behavior Diminished agency resulting from incessant humiliation, degradation & beating • Learned helplessness • Stockholm syndrome • •

TOUGH TO LEAVE “The average victim leaves her abuser at least eight times before she escapes for good. ” D. B. Berry

SEXUAL ASSAULT • Not limited by type of relationship • No location is safe or exempt • Assault includes penetration, groping, flashing and voyeurism

RAPE “… penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim” (FBI) • Reported prevalence: 18% of women & 3% of men • Notoriously under-reported because of victims’ shame, fear of retaliation, skepticism & hostility of criminal justice system, low prosecutorial success rate & history of ascribing blame to the victim

RAPE: MYTHS AND REALITY (PAMELA COOPER-WHITE) Myth: “Rape is an impulsive act, beyond the rapist’s control. ” Reality: In fact, the vast majority of rapes are premeditated and not a response to irrepressible sexual desire. Myth: “Sex appeal is of primary importance in selecting targets. Beautiful young women are more likely to be raped. ” Reality: Victims are most frequently known to their rapists, vary infinitely in their physical characteristics and are targets of opportunity and access.

RAPE: MYTHS AND REALITY Myth: “Rape is an act of sexual passion. ” Reality: Quite to the contrary, rape is an act of power, control and humiliation in which the desire for sexual gratification is, at best, secondary or even absent. Myth: “No woman can be raped against her will. ” Reality: Perhaps the most misogynistic of all the myths surrounding rape, the reality of a perpetrator’s physical force and threats of harm or even death often incapacitates the victim.

RAPE: MYTHS AND REALITY Myth: “Women secretly want to be raped. ” Reality: The act of rape fantasized by a small minority of women and men differs significantly from the brutality and horror of an actual rape. Myth: “If you’re going to be raped, you might as well lie back and enjoy it. ” Reality: The most successful responses to attempted rape include immediate physical resistance combined with other defensive actions (e. g. running away and screaming).

RAPE: MYTHS AND REALITY Myth: “Women cry ‘rape’ to get revenge. ” Reality: Only 2% of rape accusations are demonstrated to be false – a frequency similar to other reported crimes. Myth: “The myth of the black rapist. ” Reality: White men are three times more likely to commit rape than blacks; however, more than 50% of the men incarcerated for rape are black.

RAPE: MYTHS AND REALITY Myth: “Most women are raped by a stranger in a desolate place. ” Myth: The overwhelming majority of rapes occur in a residence and by someone known to the victim. Myth: “Only women are raped. ” Reality: More than 90, 000 men are raped annually in the United States.

RAPE TRAUMA SYNDROME • Extended recovery period, often in stages • Stage 1: shock, fear, self-blame, depression, withdrawal & heightened vigilance • Stage 2: apparent readjustment but limited ability to trust • Stage 3: increased understanding of rape & the perpetrator’s full responsibility and emotional integration of the assault into the victim’s broader life narrative

FAITH COMMUNITY RESPONSIBILITIES • • • Model health relationships Ensure personal safety Hold abusers accountable Embrace victims & their narratives Support victims’ recovery

FOR DISCUSSION • What socioeconomic, political and religious factors have contributed to the longstanding history of violence against women and tolerance of the men who commit it? How has the socialization of young boys and girls influenced the perceptions of each other and the behaviors that are (un)acceptable? • How has the criminal justice system conspired to devalue women who have been assaulted by men and limit their opportunities for justice?

FOR DISCUSSION • To what extent can the #Me. Too movement change the societal response to domestic violence and sexual assault? How? • To what extent do sexualized hate crimes against the LGBTQ+ community require a distinct response from both the criminal justice and faith communities? Why and how? • How might faith communities work to prevent domestic violence and sexual assault and care for both victims and perpetrators?

COLLECT FOR FAMILIES Almighty God, our heavenly Father, who settest the solitary in families: We commend to thy continual care the homes in which thy people dwell. Put far from them, we beseech thee, every root of bitterness, the desire of vainglory, and the pride of life. Fill them with faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness. Knot together in constant affection those who, in holy wedlock, have been made one flesh. Turn the hearts of parents to the children, and the hearts of children to the parents; and so enkindle fervent charity among us all, that we may evermore be kindly affectioned one to another; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Book of Common Prayer)