Divorce When marriage hits the rock STANDOUT DARE

Divorce ‘When marriage hits the rock’ STANDOUT – DARE TO BE DIFFERENT. Nairobi Chapel Waiyaki Way May 16

Introduction - Divorce-Definition: The legal ending of a marriage Deutronomy 24: 1 -4

Not an option in a Christian marriage Proverbs 2 16 It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, 17 who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. [a

Marriage God's idea not man’s From the dawn of human history, marriage has held a special place in the heart of God. It was God who ordained the institution of marriage when in Genesis 2: 18* the Lord said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. ”

In Ephesians 5, the union between Christ and the Church is used to illustrate the relationship between husband wife.

Essentials to Marriage: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2: 24). • A public act, “Leaving” ones family with a view to establishing a new home • A permanent bound, “Cleaving” or being permanently bound in a partnership as husband wife • A physical embrace, “becoming one flesh” physically through sexual union

What is Christian marriage?

monogamous, lifelong union of flesh and spirit: God intended marriage to be a monogamous, lifelong union of flesh and spirit: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2: 24).

Although polygamy was sometimes practiced in Old Testament times, the Bible makes it clear that God intended marriage to exist between one man and one woman for as long as both of them remain alive (Romans 7: 2; 1 Corinthians. 7: 39).

1 Corinthians 7: 39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

1984 (NIV 1984) For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.

God is party to a marriage covenant • Marriage is entered into in mutual covenant as a solemn, binding agreement before God and man • (Mal. 2: 14) • 13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, “Why? ” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

For the Christian, the basis of all marital love is the love of Christ for the Church (Eph. 5: 22– 31). 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word

No interfaith marriage A believer should not marry a person who does not know Christ as personal Savior (2 Corinthians 6: 14; 1 Corinthians 7: 39). 2 Corinthians 6: 14 14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Matthew 6: 33 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Ezekiel 16: 8 ‘Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine. In Ezekiel 16: 8, marriage is used to illustrate the relationship between God and Israel and is described as a covenant entered into on the basis of swearing or an oath or a pledge

CONCLUSION Therefore, men and women should enter marriage with a lawful contract and pledged vows, preferably solemnized by a Christian minister since a covenant with God.

WHY DIVORCE WRONG

Our Attitude to divorce First, we must guard against being so swayed by sympathy for hurting people that we ignore or reject scripture instruction. second danger-misunderstanding God’s will. We must guide against using proof texts or developing a legalism that turns biblical principles into inflexible rules.

3 Phases in Divorce History The first period, relatively brief in duration, saw marriage in its ideal form in paradise (Mt 19: 4 -5; Mk 10: 6 -8).

Compromise and Concession The second period coincided with the outworking of God’s kingdom under the Mosaic covenant: it was a time of compromise and concession to human sinfulness. Human “hardness of heart” (Mt 19: 7 -8; Mk 10: 4 -5) made use of the open – ended ancient Near Eastern practice of divorce (Deut 24: 1).

3 rd phase Current Bible view of Divorce When Jesus came, he introduced a third period in the history of marriage, the one in which we all now live. It began when Jesus spoke the words in Mathew 19: 6 and Mark 10: 9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (NIV).

The New Testament Teaching on Divorce God intends that marriage be a lifelong relationship. “What God has joined together let no man separate”(Mark 10: 2 -9, Mt 19: 3 -8) Married couples should not separate or divorce (1 Cor 7: 10, see also Mk 10: 9, Mt 19: 6) In cases of separation or divorce, those involved must remain single or be reconciled (1 Cor 7: 11)

Remarriage after divorce constitutes adultery (Mt 5: 32, Mk 10: 11 -12, Luke 16: 18) Divorce itself is a kind of adultery and leads the woman to commit adultery if she marries except in the case of unchastity. ( Mt 5: 32 in the context of verses 27 -32: violations of the 7 th commandment)

“Any one who divorces his wife except for marital unfaithfulness and marries another woman commits adultery” (Mt 19: 9) The Christian spouse who is deserted by an unbeliever is “not under bondage” (1 Cor 7: 15)

Bible is against it Malachi chapter 2 Psalm 15. 1 -5 especially v 4 divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 26

Matt 19: 6 -12 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. " 7 "Why then, " they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away? " 8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. " divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 27

Mal 2: 10 -16: 10 Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another? 11 Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. 12 As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD cut him off from the tents of Jacob-even though he brings offerings to the LORD Almighty. divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 28

13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, "Why? " It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 29

15 Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. 16 "I hate divorce, " says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment, " says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. NIV divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 30

Malachi 2 V 10 God against breaking of faith. Promise God is part of marriage covenant V 11. God against breaking faith with Him V 13…God against braking faith wife of your youth V 16…hates (not dislikes) divorce

Divorce is a departure from the purposes of God. Jesus explained that provisions for divorce in the Old Testament were an accommodation to the hardness of people’s hearts and a necessary evil (Matt. 19: 8; 19: 6). Matthew 19: 8) 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.

I have yet to meet a Christian who, when he or she Larry Richards on divorce stood before pastor and family and church to say “I do”, planned on divorce. I have yet to meet anyone who enjoyed divorce. For each person involved, there is pain: worry about the children, uncertainty, sudden loneliness, financial hardship, the lingering and agonizing death of hoped-for love and belonging, guilt , etc.

Christian witness harmed • Forgiven only if we forgive in Lords prayer • Christianity is Serious in its demands • Divorce= unforgiveness -not seen as Christian divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 34

Couple affected • Once divorce seen as option (quitting becomes a habit)= 50% end in divorce, 75% in remarriage • Couple end with…guilt, depression, failure, anger, loneliness, financial loss , etc divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 35

Children affected • Sexual harassment by step father • Early prison • Early pregnancies • School drop outs • Fear marriage. Cohabiting • Children marriage end in divorce, • Street children • Prostitutes divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 36

No divorce even if husband a non-Christian (backslider) The Bible teaches that even when a Christian is married to a nonbeliever, the believer should continue to live with his or her spouse if at all possible (1 Corinthians 7: 12– 13). 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him

The church, therefore, should seek always to discourage divorce as a solution to marital problems.

WHAT CAUSES DIVORCE ?

• The other woman/man • Not understand the bible view of divorce • the challenges facing Christian marriages today? • Not training on how to run marriage • No social support for conflict resolution as in traditional life… church not a fellowship === social lecture halls divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 40

• No common mission and careers best for singles done by married • …. spouse neglected • New culture expects divorce and prepares for it divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 41

Exceptions

a believer should consider divorce only as a last resort and because of sexual immorality— never as a reason to marry someone else.

Matthew 18: 21 -23 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? ” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. But If forgiveness required of us at all times and for all sins what sin can make us feel justified to divorce someone who has repented and is willing to stay with us ?

While divorce is always contrary to God’s intentions, it is permitted in certain circumstances. Jesus said in Matthew 5: 32 and again in Matthew 19: 9 that a person is not to divorce his or her spouse except for the cause of fornication. The Greek word used for “fornication” refers to habitual sexual immorality. It implies all kinds of immorality, including adultery, which desecrates the marriage relationship

But Divorce is expressly denied for the immediate purpose of marrying someone else (Mark 10: 11 -12). ) 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband marries another man, she commits adultery. ”

Divorce allowed if • one partner of a divorce has become involved in adultery, the offended spouse is permitted—though not required—to get a divorce. • If an unsaved husband or wife refuses to continue to live with his or her spouse and departs, the believer may agree to this separation (1 Corinthians 7: 15). • Such separations may result in divorce, and in that case the Christian is guilty of no wrong

Scripture permits remarriage after divorce under certain circumstances • . • If, after being divorced, one of the original marriage partners dies, the remaining partner is free to remarry. • Romans 7: 2 and 1 Corinthians 7: 39 make clear that death dissolves the marriage relationship.

• When an adulterous relationship has brought about a divorce, the party who is innocent of adultery has a right to remarry (Matthew 5: 32) • But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery 32

Shouldn’t marry a wrong divorcee The right to marry anyone guilty of adultery is denied and as well as to marry anyone who obtained divorce for the express purpose of remarriage (Mark 10: 11– 12). 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband marries another man, she commits adultery. ”

Testament and the New Testament The consistency between the Old Testament and the New Testament is recognized as Jesus interpreted it. The passage in Deuteronomy that Jesus quoted in Matthew 5: 31 and Mark 10: 2– 12 indicates that the “putting away” of a wife dissolves the marriage and allows remarriage

Testament and the New Testament Jesus did not change the nature of divorce as dissolving marriage and permitting remarriage; He simply rejected all rationalization and excuse for divorce and made clear that only the innocent party whose former marriage was revoked by divorce could remarry without guilt

1 Corinthians 7: 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace • According to 1 Corinthians 7, remarriage on grounds of desertion alone is not permitted. • When two unbelievers have been divorced and one is subsequently converted and neither has remarried, the Christian should attempt to restore the marriage. • If the non-Christian refuses, this makes the marriage the same as the kind described in 1 Corinthians 7: 15.

(MATT 5: 32) But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. If a person is divorced on other than the above scriptural grounds and his or her former partner remarries, that partner by remarrying has, according to scriptural standards (Matt. 5: 32 and 19: 9), committed adultery and has dissolved the original relationship

Remarriage is never commanded; it is, in some cases, only permitted. • Divorced persons who have scriptural grounds for remarriage should enter into such remarriage only with the greatest caution. • It’s rare for a marriage to fail for any cause in which one of the partners is completely innocent. A believer who seeks to remarry should demonstrate an attitude of repentance for any part he or she may have had in the original failure. • Such individuals should receive counseling from the church so as to avoid repeating destructive attitudes and behaviors

MATT 532 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. • Persons who remarry after being divorced on other than scriptural grounds are guilty of adultery (Matthew 5: 32). • A Christian clergyman should not perform such marriages.

How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 1 COR 7: 16 • Persons who have been divorced on other than scriptural grounds who subsequently become Christians are not absolved from the necessity to remain unmarried by having become Christians. • While it is true that we are made new creations in Christ, we continue to bear legal and moral responsibilities that existed before conversion. • Those who entered into marriage while non-Christians must honor the terms of their marriage contract even after they are in Christ.

1 COR 7: 20 Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him • Persons who were divorced and remarried without scriptural grounds prior to conversion should not feel obligated to withdraw from the subsequent marriage after conversion. • The remarriage that was entered into wrongly constituted an act of adultery, which broke the former marriage. • With the former marriage having been dissolved, the remarried person is responsible to be faithful to the new contract. Having broken the former marriage, a person is living in adultery only if he is unfaithful to his present marriage contract.

• Persons who are divorced, or divorced and remarried on scriptural grounds, are entitled to the full privileges of fellowship and membership in the church. • A believer who was divorced—or divorced and remarried —on other than scriptural grounds while still a nonbeliever should likewise be received into full Christian fellowship. The grace of God in Christ forgives all sin; the person in Christ is a new creation.

Titus 1: 6 An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient • Discretion must be used in the choice of divorced and remarried persons for leadership roles in the church. • While all believers are equal members of the Body of Christ, not all members are qualified equally for every office in the church. • The offices of elder (spiritual leader) and deacon (business leader) in the church are to be filled by those of high moral and spiritual qualifications, whose pattern of exemplary Christian living is so established that it may be followed.

• The church should discipline a believer who knowingly secures a divorce on other than scriptural grounds, knowingly marries someone who was divorced on other than scriptural grounds, or whose divorce was granted on other than scriptural grounds and who remarries. • The believer should be granted the full privileges of Christian fellowship only after a demonstration of genuine repentance for deliberate departure from scriptural standards.

How we should address them? divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 62

• Know that marriage covenant not 50: 50 Marriage requires. 100% by each: Have common destiny: Assume wedding=Launch of boat and a hole will affect both… • Have a common Godly mission • e. g. as in Malachi 2====for godly children… Not just to bring you joy and hence divorce if not happy in marriage questionable divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 63

• avoid constant company of divorce minded friends. • Have friendly Christian couple who do not believe in divorce • Invest in cleaving (Gen 2). Friendship/Courtship in marriage • Prayer divorce jnnn 9/9/2020 64

References Divorce and Remarriage Four Christian Views, ’ Edited by H. Wayne House No Divorce & No Remarriage, J. Carl Laney IVP, Gideon Para-Mallam (Revd) Strategy: Interactive