CREATING A COMPASSIONATE COMMUNITY IN THE CLASSROOM CHANGING
- Slides: 74
CREATING A COMPASSIONATE COMMUNITY IN THE CLASSROOM CHANGING BEHAVIOUR FROM USELESS TO USEFUL Kent Elementary August 27 th 2019 By Jim Skinner
A SHORT HISTORY OF CHILDHOOD » The Invention of childhood » A shorter history of Adolescence: New York 1949 » The Growth of Democratic Culture and Parenting Confusion
THREE APPROACHES TO CHILD REARING • Autocratic = Order with little freedom (Brick wall) • Laissez-Faire = Freedom with little order (chaotic) (Jelly fish) • Democratic = Freedom and Order together (Backbone)
ADLER AND DREIKURS’S DEMOCRACTIC CONTRIBUTIONS • We are social beings and we all choose to belong, • Belonging means: FEELING WORTHWHILE and SIGNIFICANT • We believe in Equality and Mutual Respect • We are Goal Oriented • We are Creative Beings. WE CHOOSE OUR BEHAVIOUR • We have a holistic view of people • We inherit ‘SOCIAL INTEREST’ that needs to be nurtured!
WHAT ALL CHILDREN NEED v FREEDOM v ORDER
BELONGING “We are hardwired to belong. ” Daniel Goldman “ The brain is a social organ, it grows and changes when it interacts with other brains. ” Nancy Graham
BELONGING Adlerians believe that every person is born with the need to belong…. . to feel worthwhile and significant. As children we are ‘dwarfs amongst giants’ and feel inferior. ‘Inferiority’ is a belief that runs counter to that of ‘belonging’. In the words of Alfred Adler, "We all choose to belong. ”
THE VERTICAL VERSUS THE HORIZONAL Striving for superiority Avoiding feelings of Inferiority (felt minus to felt plus)
THE VERTICAL MODE • Each striving to overcome feelings of inferiority striving for superiority. God dines alone! THE HORIZONTAL MODE • Seeking co-operation and contribution
“THE SKILLS OF COOPERATION AND INFLUENCE ARE DIFFERENT FROM THOSE OF POWER AND CONTROL”
EMPATHY & ISOLATION • We are born with empathy • Much of schooling undermines empathy • EMPATHY LEADS TO COMPASSION
SKILLS OF COMPASSION 1. EMPATHY REQUIRES; CARING, IMAGINATION 2. SKILLS OF COMPASSION; NON-JUDGEMENTAL, SEEKING UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE OF SELF AND OTHERS
THE MOVE FROM THE FICTIVE DREAM TO SOCIAL INTEREST Social Interest: The capacity to care for the cares of others. • The development of feeling part of a community • Adler’s insight to untangle oneself from this fictive dream requires the fictive condition and a redirection of one’s emotional attention towards the social interest.
ADLER SAYS: “The purpose of life is not perfection but wholeness”
WELLNESS IS: The capacity to care for the cares of others and beyond
THE HORIZONTAL Move from Me to We What can I bring to the Task? THE TASKS OF LIFE: WORK, FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, SELF-DEVELOPMENT
THE HORIZONTAL: From “Me” to ‘We’ • Humans are social creatures. We have the ability to care for each other if developed.
WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM? • INNER CONFIDENCE • UNCONDITIONAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE • YOU RECOGNIZE AND USE YOUR STRENGTHS • YOU HAVE SELF-RESPECT • YOU FEEL VALUABLE, LOVEABLE & WORTHWHILE … ready to take on the tasks of life
SELF-ESTEEM • • 1. Welcomes unknown 2. Is self-accepting 3. Is self-affirming 4. Is self-controlled 5. Has a sense of purpose 6. Takes responsibility for own actions 7. Accepts imperfections within self; can learn from mistakes EGO-ESTEEM • • 1. Avoids unknown 2. Is self-rejecting 3. Criticizes self 4. Controlled by others 5. Finds little meaning in life 6. Blames others 7. Is overly concerned with mistakes “Having the Courage to be Imperfect. ”
THE TWO USUAL WAYS WE RUIN CHILDREN 1. Neglect: In it’s extreme is abuse » Not being present to the child. » Causing physical or emotional harm/trauma. 2. Pampering: Doing for the child what the child should be doing for themselves.
PAMPERING (Continued) Over-protection: Fear of life, over estimates the dangers, “Don’t run you’ll fall. ” Symptoms: Do not have regular social contact, lonely, overly dependent on the company of adults. Over Permissive: Pleases self without regard for others. Not exposed to frustration, pressures others into their service. Symptoms: makes excuses, tyrannical, charm, door-mat parent.
ENCOURAGEMENT The total acceptance of the person as they are, regardless of their lack of skills and ability. “Children need encouragement the same way a plant needs water. ” Rudolph Dreikurs
PRAISE • • Loses its value Non-specific Pressure to perform Focus on outcome ENCOURAGEMENT • • • Empowering More time, effort Engaged/mindful Shows interest Notices effort for improvement Focus on Process
PRAISE 1. External Control 2. External Evaluation 3. Effort, Improvement 4. Self-elevation & personal gain ENCOURAGEMENT • • 1. Child’s ability to manage life constructively 2. Internal evaluation 3. Effort, improvement 4. Assets, contributions, appreciation
METHODS OF ENCOURAGEMENT üFocus on strengths and abilities üAcknowledge effort and improvements üMake every effort to eliminate criticism üAccept the student’s feelings. Truly listen to students üRecognize contributions üShow faith in the child üEncourage the child to self-assess
METHODS OF ENCOURAGEMENT (cont) üDon’t feel sorry for the child üDon’t praise the child üAvoid bribery to control üInstill “The Courage to be imperfect. ” ü Look for opportunities to develop empathy üDon’t be too helpful, but provide scaffolding to assist üTeach kids to ‘care about the cares of others. ’
THE ATMOSPHERIC IMFLUENCE OF FAMILY v. Family Values v. Discipline v. Heritage v. Constellation v. Competition and Cooperation v. Disabilities/Special Needs v. Critical Incidences
FAMILY CONSTELLATIONS One of the biggest influences on a child’s perception of themselves is their psychological position in their family.
OLDEST CHILD • Be first • Is a leader, Is helpful and responsible, and selective about whom to please • Bossy • Believes they MUST please others • Becomes discouraged if can’t be the best (becomes the best at being the worst)
SECOND CHILD • Catch up or overtake • Is sociable • Puts forth effort • Develops abilities lacking in oldest • May rebel • Can become the ‘bad’ child if oldest is the ‘good’ child • Is uncertain of abilities if oldest child is successful
MIDDLE CHILD OF THREE • Make life fair • Is adaptable • Concerned with justice • Knows how to get along with all kinds of people • Feels squeezed- may push others down to elevate self • May be problem child, feels doesn’t have place
YOUNGEST CHILD • Gets Service • Knows how to influence others • Is charming and friendly • May be manipulative • Expects other to take care of her or his responsibilities • Feels inferior or overtakes older siblings
THE FOUR TASKS OF LIFE 1. WORK = SCHOOL 2. FRIENDSHIP = PEERS 3. LOVE RELATIONSHIPS = FAMILY (TEENS: Girl/Boy RELATIONSHIPS) 4. SELF DEVELOPMENT = INSIGHT, SPIRITUALITY
THE FOUR LIFE TASKS • WORK = SCHOOL: How satisfied are you with your work? • FRIENDSHIPS = PEERS: How satisfied are you with your friendships and community life? • LOVE RELATIONSHIPS = PARENTS/SIBLINGS/BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: How much satisfaction do you have with your intimate relationships? • SELF DEVELOPMENT = INSIGHT, SPIRITUALITY
SOCIAL INTEREST is: “Community feeling” or the “Capacity to Care about the Cares of Others”
ENCOURAGING CLASSROOM COMMUNITY STUDENTS ARE: 1. CONNECTED 2. CONTRIBUTING 3. CAPABLE
THE PURPOSE OF BEHAVIOUR The question is not what caused the behaviour but what is the purpose of the behaviour?
SEVEN STEPS TO CHANGING BEHAVIOUR 1. The basic principles of student behaviour 2. Observing the behaviour 3. Identifying the Goal of Misbehaviour 4. Encouragement 5. Developing a plan/Implementing the plan 6. Evaluating the Plan 7. Back to the Drawing board
CHANGING BEHAVIOUR STEP ONE Observe the behaviour: What is the student’s behaviour? No judgments please! Video view How often is this behaviour happening? When is this behaviour happening?
WHAT IS THE GOAL OF THE BEHAVIOUR? STEP TWO • What is the student doing? • What is the student’s response to your direction? • What is the feeling you have towards the student: annoyance, anger, frustration, hurt, sadness, hopelessness? • Decide on the goal
GOAL OF MISBEHAVIOUR STEP THREE Students choose their behavior. If a student feels they can’t achieve the goal of belonging in a useful way, they will choose a useless way. Students misbehaviour is for one of the following four Goals: 1. Attention-active/passive 2. Power – active/passive 3. Revenge – active/passive 4. Assumed Disability - passive
ACTIVE ATTENTION: The Pest » Teacher feels annoyed: Student’s mistaken belief: “I only belong when I am being noticed. ” » Teacher’s intervention: Ignore, give agreed attention, catch them being useful
PASSIVE ATTENTION Teacher annoyed: coaxing, reminding, prodding Student: lazy, forgetful Intervention produces start – stop behaviour Solution: Agree on the amount of attention
INTERVENTIONS FOR ATTENTION ØIgnore the behaviour ØGive “The Eye” ØMention students name while teaching ØSend a secret signal ØGive an “I-Message” ØLower your voice, change your voice ØTalk to the wall ØAsk a favour, or a direct question ØSend student to the thinking chair
ACTIVE POWER GOAL Teacher Feels: Angry, threatened Student thinks: “I only belong when I am in control, the boss. ” Teacher Response: Leads to power struggle Student Response: Escalates the power struggle. Intervention: Give choices, leadership and adult type roles in the class and school
PASSIVE POWER Teacher feels: frustrated, underlying anger. Teacher intervention: Continues useless behaviour. Student Response: Ignores or politely says “yes” and continues useless behaviour. Intervention: Gives choice to student. Gives child adult type tasks. Leadership roles.
GOAL OF REVENGE Teacher feels: hurt, angry or sad. Teacher’s Response: To express anger, hurt and want to hurt back. Child Response: to continue to do hurtful things, like bullying, destroying things that are important to others. Intervention: Avoid retaliation, befriend, build trust. Give them opportunities to help others who are struggling.
PASSIVE REVENGE Teacher Feeling: To feel sorry or sad. Teacher Intervention: to show sympathy. Make allowances for the child out of feeling sorry. Child’s mistaken thought: “Life is not fair, no one really likes me. ” Child: Continues to feel sorry for self, get hurt by self or others. Intervention: Don’t feel sorry. Hold the child accountable. Be firm and kind at the same time.
INTERVENTIONS FOR POWER AND REVENGE • Acknowledge the student’s power • Remove the audience • Make a date • Change the subject • Time-out in the classroom • Time-out in another classroom • Time-out in the office • Time-out in the home
INTERVENTIONS FOR POWER AND REVENGE • Loss or delay of activity • Loss or delay of using objects or equipment • Loss or delay of access to school areas • Denied interactions with other students • Required interaction with school personal • Required interaction with parents • Required interaction with police • Restitution: Repair or Replacement of objects
DISPLAYING INADEQUACY Teacher Feels: Hopeless and giving up Student thinks: “I am helpless. ” and feels like giving up. Teacher Intervention: Provides extra help, the student seems to understand today but has unlearned tomorrow. Intervention: Don’t give up. Break the task into smaller doable pieces, chart their progress .
INTERVENTIONS WITH DISPLAY OF INADQUACY • Modify instructional material • Provide tutoring • Teach positive self-talk • Make mistakes okay by focusing on effort • Build confidence by focusing on improvement • Focus on past successes • Make learning tangible
ENCOURAGEMENT STEP FOUR “A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. ” Rudolph Dreikurs
ENCOURAGEMENT “CHILDREN NEED ENCOURAGMENT THE WAY PLANTS NEED WATER” Rudolf Dreikurs
PRAISE VS. ENCOURAGEMENT • • • PRAISE ENCOURAGEMENT Focus on external control • Focus on child’s ability to manage life constructively • Internal evaluation • Self-evaluation: "What do you think about your work? ” • Person learns courage to be imperfect • Focus on self elevation, assets, contribution, appreciation Self-worth based on others’ opinions “Good Work” “Great Student” Child learns to conform or rebel Focus on personal gain
METHODS OF ENCOURAGEMENT üFocus on strengths and abilities (talent scout) üAcknowledge effort and improvements üMake every effort to eliminate criticism üAccept the student’s feelings. Truly listen to students üRecognize contributions üShow faith in the child. “Knowing you, you can handle it. ” üEncourage the child to self-assess
METHODS OF ENCOURAGEMENT üDon’t feel sorry for the child üDon’t praise the child üAvoid bribery to control üInstill “The Courage to be imperfect. ” ü Look for opportunities to develop empathy üDon’t be too helpful, but provide scaffolding to assist üTeach kids to ‘care about the cares of others. ’
Daniel Siegel says: “ The brain in each life situation decides whether the situation is safe or dangerous. If the situation is dangerous it will trigger a fight, flight or freeze mode. This inhibits learning. ” “If the situation is deemed safe, the safety mechanism is triggered (love without fear) which allows the student to sustain focus. ”
CONSEQUENCES STEP FIVE Two Kinds of Consequences: 1. Natural: result of things taking their natural course “If I don’t eat, then I will be hungry” 2. Logical: human intervention in the creation of the consequence. “If your work is late, you will lose 2% per day, as we agreed”
CONSEQUENCES üThe consequence for the misbehaviour should be known ahead of time. üThe consequence should take place as soon as possible. üConsequences should be of short duration. üThe more class members that participate in planning the consequences the better!
CONSEQUENCES üConsequences entail action (consequences that can be handled with no dialogue at all will usually be most effective). üChoice induces cooperation when an arbitrary punishment would incite hostility and rebellion üUnless the teacher applies consequences consistently they will be ineffective.
What makes a consequence effective is not the severity but the surety of the consequence.
THE ‘ 4 R’ TEST FOR CONSEQUENCES 1. Is it REASONABLE? 2. Is it RELATED? 3. Is it RESPECTFUL? 4. Can it be RELIABLY Enforced?
SOCIAL EQUALITY OF TEACHERS & STUDENTS • In a democracy, each person must behave responsibly. • Reward and punishment are not as effective as they were in the autocratic past we must base leadership style on equality and mutual respect • Many people confuse equality with sameness. • Developing Backbone system.
OUR PHYSICAL PRESENCE • Brain(s) in • Head • Heart • Guts • Convey multiple messages to our clients Language Emotions Intuition 65
THE COURAGE TO ENCOURAGE ØAdlerians have long recognized how important encouragement is to helping a client towards being healthy mentally and physically and developing courage. ØNurturing our own brain integration helps our clients to develop the “courage to be imperfect” that releases self- and other-compassion • Question: How do we develop courage?
OUR 3 BRAIN AREAS INTERACT ØWhen fear or shame interrupt this integration, the “heart brain“ of compassion shuts down & the limbic brains “hijack” our prefrontal cortex ØVulnerability and shame make it hard for us to feel empathy and compassion for others. ØThe antidote to this is to develop courage—to encourage ourselves & therefore others
MAKING THE CLASSROOM PSYCHOLOGICALLY SAFE BY: • Helping each student set realistic goals • Reducing competition and increasing cooperation • Engaging students in developing the courtesies and procedures in the classroom through Classroom meetings. • Teaching children about consequences removing rewards and punishment. • Provide opportunities for each student to Contribute, Connect, and feel Capable.
CREATING CONDITIONS FOR COMPASSIONATE COMMUNITY IN THE CLASSROOM • Sociograms • Cooperative Learning Activities (e. g. Cooperative Learning by Johnson and Johnson) • Student evaluation of their own work and group work • Classroom Meetings: classroom procedures, classroom art, quizzes, classroom rules. • Student mentoring and tutoring • Making the classroom a safe place. (competition with self, increase cooperation) • Mindfulness/Meditation which develops compassion
COOPERATIVE DISCIPLINE STEPS 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. The student is asked to stop the misbehaviour The student is given a choice to stop or go to the back seat in the room. If behaviour continues, the student is directed to the back seat. If the behaviour continues, then the student is asked to go to the study booth in the room If the behaviour continues the student is directed to leave to a designated room.
THERAPEUTIC PRESENCE & OUR BRAINS § Presence is required for us to be & feel with another--compassion § Question: Why does compassion require courage? (Geller & Porges, 2014) § “Gut feelings” fear or shame (inferiority) trigger us to narrow our attention to our own safety & block our ability to be “present” with or others. (Geller & Porges, 2014)
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE MENTALLY HEALTHY? • Adler • Social interest is the measure of mental health • Feeling connected to family & community - developing a capacity for contributing • Encouragement is key! • Research today • Mindfulness action leads to a relaxed focused state of mind, which allows one to interact with the world in a balanced, efficient, calm manner (Murphy, 2006). • Siegel • Integration of brain (body), mind & relationships • “Mindsight”= using awareness for integration • Attunement
SKILLS OF COMPASSION 1. EMPATHY REQUIRES; MINDFULNESS, CARING, IMAGINATION 2. SKILLS OF COMPASSION; NON-JUDGEMENTAL, SEEKING UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE 3. COMMUNITY EMERGES
ENCOURAGEMENT… “. . . is the total acceptance of the person as they are, regardless of their lack of skills and ability. ” “Children need encouragement the same way a plant needs water. ” Rudolph Dreikurs
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