Conversational Intelligence C I Judith Glaser How do

Conversational Intelligence C. I. Judith Glaser

How do we Create WE? “To get to the next level of greatness depends on the quality of our culture, which depends on the quality of our relationships, which depends on the quality of our conversations. Everything happens through conversations!” Judith Glaser

How do we Create WE? Conversational Intelligence provides a framework and practices for the way individuals, teams, and organizations listen, engage, architect, and influence the moment and shape the future, in all situations. When we use our CI in education we strengthen the school culture in order to achieve greater ”learning” results. Understanding how to “level set” our conversations gives us the power to transform reality. Judith Glaser

Five Conversational Blind Spots 1 Not seeing beyond our own point of view + 4 2 Listening to reject Shutting down because of fear 5 3 Not hearing what is really said Asking questions for which you have the answers Benchmark/The Creating WE Institute © 2013. All Rights Reserved.

+ Conversations Shape Reality… I Open UP WE Focus Attention by reframing interactions: To relationship before task! Close Down

+ Conversations… ACTIVATE CHANGES ‘Flight, Freeze, Appease’ I-Centric PROTECT FEAR-Networks Excluding-Judging-Limiting Survival Instincts ‘Trust, Integrity, Empathy, Foresight, Strategic Thinking, Intuition’ WE-Centric PARTNER TRUST-Networks Including-Appreciating-Expanding Vital Instincts

!C % B X Conversational In our interactions, we respond to others in two ways: electrochemical & biochemically. When we are within 10 feet of others we pick-up their energy and the process of either connecting or not connecting begins. EQ depends on a muscle of ATTENTION: to tune in to others’ feelings requires we pick up facial, vocal, and other signals of their emotion. $ ? A @ c ? # Y “Cocktails” Empathy entails an act of self-awareness: we read other people by tuning in to ourselves. Benchmark/The Creating WE Institute © 2013. All Rights Reserved.

James Lynch’s: The Importance of Listening 1. 2. 3. 4. Research shows when we speak , our heart rate & blood pressure goes up, however, when we listen they go down. The more we listen, the more we are attuned to others holistically and connect with them. Focus on talking to the person, not at them. Level III conversations focus on listening holistically to go from I to WE, thus lowering the heart rate & blood pressure to really “hear” what others are saying. Point of Listening Immediately lowers heart rate and blood pressure TALKING Depending on Personality and intensity Heat Rate & Blood Pressure Base Line Arousal & Reactivit y By Talking Base Line Recovery Lower arousal, opens hearing and focus.

+ 1. Build Rapport: Focus of Attention 2. Balancing Talking and Listening 5. Keep Your Positive Energy UP C-IQ Skills “Level Setting” 70 -30 Principle 3. Ask Mind Expanding Questions 4. Give Genuine Support: Encouragement & Empathy

+ The ARC of Engagement Judith Glaser 2013 On the arc, indicate where most of your conversations in meetings with others seem to fall?

Conversational Dashboard + Judith Glaser 2013 Fear-Based Conversations Away Level II: Positional (Advocate and Inquire) In Level II, we advocate a position (not just telling), idea, or concept. I am inquiring into your beliefs so I can influence you to my point of view. Trust is conditional. Tend to ask questions that have “right” answers. It depends if I feel that I an trust what you are saying. Conditional trust heightens uncertainty which trigger fear circuits (Closed) Level I: Transactional ( Tell and Ask ) Creates territorialism, fear, competition, lack of collaboration, and feeling of not being a valued partner. Low Trust Conversations (Resistors and Skeptics) Toward Trust-Based Conversations (Open) Level III: Transformational (Share and Discover) When we share we open up our inner thoughts , ideas, and feeling and biome vulnerable. Co-Creating open spaces for critical challenges, ideas, new opportunities, and discovery. We ask question that we don’t have the answers to!

+ Level Setting Conversations Judith Glaser 2013 C-IQ provides a framework and practices for the way individuals, teams, and organizations listen, engage, architect, and influence the moment to shape the future, in all situations. Understanding how to “level set” our conversations gives us the power to transform reality.

+ C-IQ Interactions: Getting to Level III -Dialogue Connecting with others involves the signals people are send out either consciously or unconsciously. Signals are verbal an nonverbal messages the either confirm or deny the “truth” of a person’s communication. (Only 7% words, 38% tone, and 55% body language. ) B E M S B= Body State is the most important part of communication. E= Emotions Your state determines not only the quality of your conversation but the quality of your thinking. Holistically, your psychological, M=Mind emotional, and the spiritual condition you’re in ultimately determines you ability to lead, bond, and respond to what is happening around you. S=Spirit

+ Questions to Move to Level III Conversations Progressive Thinking Questions “How long have you been thinking about this? ” “How do you feel about the resources you have put into this so far? “How often do you think about this? ” “How important is this issue to you, on a scale of one to ten? ” “How clear are you about this issue? ” “What priority is this issue for you in your work or life right now, top five, three, or top one? ” “How committed to resolving this are you? ” OR “How motivated are you to resolving this? ” “Can you see any gaps in your thinking? ” “What impact is thinking about this issue having on you? ” “How do you react when you think that thought? ” “Do you have a plan for shifting this issue? ” “How clear is your thinking about the plan? ” “What are you noticing about your thinking? ” “What insights are you having? ” “How could you deepen this insight? ” “Would it be worth turning this insight into a habit? ” “Do you know what to do to turn this into a habit? ” “Are you clear about what to do next? ” “How can I best help you further? ”

+ Questions to Move to Level III Conversations Discovery Questions: • What is at stake? • What can we gain, rather than lose? • What do I need to do to help the process? • What are our interdependencies? • What are the feared implications? • How can I support my colleagues? • How can I support my enterprise? • How can I move the internal dialogue of fear and concern out onto the table? • How can we manage fear in a positive way? • Can we work through the challenges and gain agreement about what to do in a more transparent way? • What can we create together? Innovation Questions: • If we could wish for the impossible, what would we do? • If we had unlimited resources, what would we do? • What if the opposite were true? • If money were no problem, what would we do? • If we had everyone supporting us, what would we do? • If we could implement any solution, what would we go for? • If we could picture the best solution, what would we go for? • If we were to have no limitations, what would we do? • What would a significant breakthrough look like? • If we were someone else, what would we do? • If started backward, what would we do?

+ H. I. P. Reflection What insights did you glean from C -IQ skill of Level setting? What does this mean for you personally and how will you apply it? What does this mean to you in developing the work culture?