CONVERSATION SKILLS Rumessa Naqvi What is Conversation Communication

CONVERSATION SKILLS Rumessa Naqvi

What is Conversation? �Communication by two or more people, or sometimes with one’s self, on a particular topic. �The pooling of information, the sharing of interests, the bringing together of ideas.

Primary Management Tool It is how we – – Plan our Lives & Organize our Work – Build Relationships – Create Understanding – Understand Feelings and Actions – Influence others – Are influenced by others – Solve Problems & Cooperate with each other

All conversations follow a basic set of rules which people use to express themselves when speaking. Paul Grice Imagine what would happen to language if there were no rules to follow during conversations!

Different Conversations… Different Conventions…

Features of Conversation is based on the following features: 1} An Idea: It is opinion or plan or thought which already exists in mind and needs to be expressed. 2} Language / Words: The right choice of words that express the idea and make it appealing. 3} Setting the right tone: Indicates the mood of the conversation and sets the right atmosphere.

Conversation Five Stages - The Opening � Greeting � Reciprocated Opening

Conversation Five Stages - Feedforward � Focus of Conversation � Identify Tone Feedforward Opening

Conversation Five Stages - Business � Substance � Exchange � No of Conversation of Roles Permanent Record Business Feedforward Opening

Conversation Five Stages - Feedback � Signal � May End of Business Backup to Business if Other not finished Business Feedforward Opening Feedback

Conversation Five Stages - Closing � Signals End of Conversation � Express Pleasure in Interaction � Leave-Taking Cues Business Feedforward Opening Feedback Closing

Conversation Common Conversational Problems � Insensitive � Omission Openings of Necessary Feedforward � Introduction of Business before Greeting � Omission of Feedback � Omission of Appropriate Closing

Principles of Conversation

The 4 conversational Maxims 1. Maxim of Quality a. Do not say what you believe to be false. b. Do not say that for which you lack adequate evidence. e. g. If a friend asks, “…. have you seen my dog? ” an honest answer is expected.

The 4 conversational Maxims 2. Maxim of Quantity a. Make your contribution as informative as required. b. Do not make your contribution more informative than required. If people don’t say something then we assume that they don’t know that information.

The 4 conversational Maxims 3. Maxim of relation a. Be relevant E. g. “Isn’t Larry the biggest jerk you ever met? ” “Uh, it sure is nice for this time of year, eh? ”

The 4 conversational Maxims 4. Maxim of manner a. b. c. d. Avoid obscurity of expression Avoid ambiguity Be brief Be orderly e. g. “Miss Singer produced a series of sounds corresponding closely to the score of The Star. Spangled Banner” vs. “Miss Singer sang The Star-Spangled Banner. ”

Flouting the Cooperative Principle �Maxim of quality is mostly deliberately violated like while lying, exaggerating, joking, using irony or sarcasm. e. g. ◦ I’ve got millions of bottles of coke in my fridge. ◦ My car breaks down every five minutes. ◦ Queen Victoria was made of iron.

Flouting the Cooperative Principle �Maxim say of Quantity is flouted when we ◦ Too much to mark a sense of occasion or respect ◦ Too little to be rude, blunt, or forthright. e. g. A: Excuse me are you busy? B: No A: Can I have a word with you? It will only take a few minutes if you could spare them?

Flouting the Cooperative Principle �Maxim of Relevance is flouted to signal embarrassment or a desire to change the subject. �Maxim of manner is violated either for humour, or in order to exclude a third person out of the conversation.

Activity �Which maxims of the cooperative principle are being flouted in the following and why? 1. I think I’ll go for a W-A-L-K. (spelling the word letter by letter in front of the dog) 2. -- I can jump higher than the Empire State building. -- Can you? -- Yes, because buildings can’t jump at all.

Activity �Which maxims of the cooperative principle are being flouted in the following and why? 3. This meal is delicious. (said by a guest who finds the food disgusting) 4. Child: I’m going to watch Match of the Day now. Parent: What was that Maths homework you said you had?

What to talk about �Nothing special but just day-to-day events. �Simple topics like cricket, tea and sympathy, shoes, ships, stock exchange, books, movies, television programs etc. �Swap stories, anecdotes, observations, opinions. �Express issues. �Air your agreement or disagreement on your prejudices even, provided that you reveal that you know them to be prejudices.

What not to talk about �Too literary or learned topics �Parading taboo. you private life before strangers is �Avoid telling stories or plots of movies, books, plays especially to those who haven't yet enjoyed it. �Having only one topic for conversation is as bad as having none.

While talking to strangers � Be observant � Ask personal, but not too personal, questions � The stranger’s first few remarks will give you clues to his interest. � Be on the alert for changes in mood and be ready to shift with them. � Avoid � argumentative or challenging statements. Avoid politics and religion.

INITIATE CONVERSATION § Ask Questions § Make a statement followed by a question on: the party, food, weather, current news, books, movies, or pay a compliment

Ways to keep Conversation Going Face your fears! Problems in speaking usually stem from fears 2. Be comfortable with yourself. 3. Find the humor in life. 4. Disagree without being disagreeable 5. Be sincere with your praise 6. Take your cues from the other person 7. Ask thoughtful questions 8. Choose comfortable conversation topics 9. Use conventional gap fillers or hesitation noises 10. Use your body language 1.

Transitions �Let the old topic die! Miss Frost says the last word on oranges. Silence. Then out of nowhere, “ I met an interesting character last week. ”

Transitions �Pick up the last bit of talk on the old topic and shift to something new: “A few years back, plays on TV depicted the strong moral values prevalent in the society but now its just injustice and immorality that they show. Is that not what is going on around us as well? Look at the corruption in the country. ”

Transitions �Shift suddenly and sharply Well, we’ve about finished Ghalib, haven’t we? If nobody has any objection, I’d like to ask about that picture over there. It’s bothered me ever since I came…. .

Six faults in Conversations 1. Using pet words (Exciting, fabulous) 2. Using superfluous words and phrases (naturally, actually, really) 3. Using too much slang 4. Using too many foreign words and phrases 5. Exaggerating 6. Telling personal experience awkwardly

Eight big don’ts in conversation 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Don’t be dogmatic Don’t be condescending Don’t be argumentative Don’t be lifeless Don’t be insincere Don’t be egocentric Don’t be a mumbler Don’t aim to be the life of the party

CONVERSATION SKILLS