Constructive Conflict Our lives and everything we do

Constructive Conflict

Our lives and everything we do are to demonstrate the blessing that God has brought to our lives and to our families Genesis 12: 1 -3

"Therefore, let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ" Acts 2: 36

Philippians 2: 12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling

1 John 4: 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

Romans 12: 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone

Where Does Conflict Come From? Constructive Conflict

Conflict results from real or perceived opposition to one’s. . . 1. Values 2. Actions 3. Desires / Interests Colette L. Meehan Constructive Conflict

1. Values: The priorities that are in my life Familia Money Integrity My Values God Work Constructive Conflict

Example: Conflictive Values Today is Sunday. I want to attend church. It is important that we are in the church as a family, so that we may grow spiritually Constructive Conflict

Example: Conflictive Values Today is Sunday. I want to sleep. I've worked all week and I want to rest for a single day. I want to attend the church. . . when it is convenient. Conflictos

Example: Conflictive Values Conflict The Value: Church Rest Constructive Conflicts

2. Actions: The way I live my life with others I am driving and this man decides to turn to the left into my lane, without looking first. I blow my horn to worn him and now he wants to say that it was my fault! Constructive Conflict

3. Desires and General Interests:

My Perception of Conflict

Two Ways To See Conflict Destructive Constructive

Destructive Conflict Constructive Conflict

Destructive Conflict The destructive conflict occurs when the actions, the values or the behavior of two or more people result in an increase in antagonism, rather than seeking a mutually agreeable solution of the conflict. It is Pure Reaction. Conflictos

Destructive Conflict The Destructive Cycle Disagreement Consequences Conflict Confrontation Constructive Conflict

Conflict of Values We can’t spend this money We should spend this money There is a recommendation that the worship pastor has been given to us. He wants to buy a new piano and is going to cost " $X. . . "

Downward Spiral Constructive Conflict

Downward Spiral 1. Disagreement Is it good for us to spend the money or not 2. Competition Constructive Conflict

Downward Spiral I will not let him win. I am right. This is personal. I know others are in agreement with me. We have to win. Constructive Conflict

Downward Spiral 1. Disagreement 2. Competition 3. Destruction Constructive Conflict

Downward Spiral He always causes problems. It would be better if he was not part of this team! I will win and destroy his reputation. It is better that nobody listens to him! Constructive Conflict

Downward Spiral 1. Disagreement 2. Competition 3. Destruction 4. Adjustment Constructive Conflict

Downward Spiral If he stays in this church I am leaving. If he stays in the church I am leaving. Constructive Conflict

Destructive Conflict 2 Carnal responses to conflict that lead us to Destructive Conflict Flee Fight Constructive Conflict

2 Types of Fleeing Pacifist Avoider Maybe it will go away Conflict is bad. It is better to ignore it. It will all take care of itself. It is all good, no problem here. ¿Conflict. . . ? What conflict? I am willing to lie to avoid conflict. I would rather diminish sin than confront it.

2 Types of Fight Defender Hey! You stepped on me! The most important thing is to not change my position. I don’t care who you are, I am not going to change. I will justify my way to victory. Attacker Look at these teeth! Are you sure you want to fight me? The way to solve conflict is win. If I hurt you it is part of the process, not my fault! It is all about power.

Destructive Conflict 2 Men. . . 2 Sinful Reactions to Conflicto 2 Samuel 13 -15

Constructive Conflict

Constructive Conflict The constructive conflict refers to the conflict where the benefits outweigh the costs; they generate productive decisions, and are mutually beneficial. Colette L. Meehan Constructive Conflict

Constructive Conflict The Constructive Cycle Disagreement -Opposition to a value -Emotions Grow -40% The person 60% The problem Conflictos

Constructive Conflict The Constructive Cycle Disagreement -Clarify -Permit Solution -Active Listening Constructive Conflict

James 1: 19 -20 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Constructive Conflict The Constructive Cycle Disagreement -The relationship is built up. -Grace and Mercy Solution -They move forward together Edification Constructive Conflict

Philippians 2: 3 -4 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Constructive Conflict The Constructive Cycle Disagreement -Adjustment reflects restoration. Adjustment -Grace y Mercy Solution -The go forward together. Edification Constructive Conflict

1 Thessalonians 5: 15 See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.

With Constructive Conflicts the process is just as importan as the result. Cameron Woolford

With out conflict we don’t have change or growth Cameron Woolford

The conflict does not divide the churches. . . however, the mishandling of the conflict is very destructive. Handled well, the conflic will mature us as we put into practice His divine love. Handled poorly, our selfishness will grow and kill Christian unity. Dave Graef

3 Key abilities to Produce Constructive Conflict 1. Clarify: Make sure that every one understands all points of view and differences (OICA). 2. Permit: Make sure that each one feels that their views and values are valid. 3. Active Listening: Understand the meaning behind the words. Constructive Conflict

1. Clarify The O. I. C. A. Method O = Observation I= I have not seen you before 9: 30 this morning. Interpretation C= Clarification A = Accusation Constructive Conflict

1. Clarify The O. I. C. A. Method O = Observation I= I am tempted to think you have not been very punctual lately. Interpretation C= Clarification A = Accusation Constructive Conflict

1. Clarify The O. I. C. A. Method O = Observation I= Interpretation There is another Is there anything that I do explanation. I am part of not understand? Perhaps the finance committee and there is another we have had meetings explanation. every morning this week C= Clarification A = Accusation Constructive Conflict

1. Clarify The O. I. C. A. Method O = Observation I= Interpretation Therefore, you haven't been very timely. Let me mmm. . . well, . . . Uh. . . ¿Hay algo que yo no clarify. You have to. There arrive has been a lot of entiendo? Tal vez hay at 9: 00 am everytraffic day this week. . . and. . . otra explicación. without exception, ismy that watch is broken. . . ok? C= Clarification A = Accusation Constructive Conflict

2 Methods of Clarification I thought she was not being punctual. . . that she was not respecting my authority, but come to find out she has been involved in a finance meeting. 1. Correct my wrong story 2. Understand the other persons position Constructive Conflict

2. Permit 1. Accept the legitimacy of the values and opinions of the other person. 2. To make the other person feel safe to share their values and opinions. 3. Demonstrate Respect. Constructive Conflict

3. Active Listening 1. Give Attention. Give full attention to the person that speaks, and examine the message. Recognize that the nonverbal communication also "talks" with a loud voice. 2. Demonstrate that you are Listening. Use your body language and gestures to demonstrate its attention. Conflictos

3. Active Listening 3. Offer Questions Our filters, assumptions, judgments and beliefs can distort what we heard. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require that you reflect on what is being said and ask questions of clarification. 4. Hold back Judgement To Interrupt is a waste of time, FRUSTRATES the person speaking and limits their full understanding of the message. Constructive Conflict

How does conflict demonstrate the Gospel in our lives? 2 Facets of Love Grace Love Constructive Conflict

Ephesians 2: 8 -9 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.

How does conflict demonstrate the in our lives? 2 Facets of Love Grace Love Mercy Conflictos

Romans 5: 7 -8 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

How does conflict demonstrate the in our lives? 2 Facets of love Grace Peace Love Mercy Constructive Conflict

Philippians 2: 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, [a] being born in the likeness of men.

How does conflict demonstrate the in our lives? 2 Facets of Love Grace Love Mercy Peace And Order Constructive Conflict

1 Corinthians 14: 33 For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints,

Following the example of Christ Constructive Conflict

Following the example of Christ We put others first We put ourselves last Constructive Conflict

2 Corinthians 5: 18 -19 Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.

Principles that help to ensure Constructive Conflict 1. Live committed to one another. 2. Value relationships. 3. Celebrate diversity over conformity. 4. Learn how to build and maintain trust. Conflictos