Connecting with Children Monthly Tarbiyyat Discussion Topic MKAUSA

Connecting with Children Monthly Tarbiyyat Discussion Topic MKAUSA April, 2015 Instructions: request a different khadim to read or offer thoughts on each scenario slide Email questions/comments to tarbiyyat@mkausa. org

Discussion Scenario #1 • SCENARIO: Mubashir has not come home yet from some “after school activity” and it is getting late. His parents are wondering where he is. • QUESTIONS: What should his parents do? What should they not do?

Discussion Scenario #1 • • DISCUSSION GUIDE: Mubashir’s parents should have an understanding with him that he would be home by a certain time or call if he would be late. But now since it’s getting late and he’s not home, they could call him to find out where he is. They should make sure they stay awake so that they know he comes back safe. Whenever they speak to him, whether on the phone or in person, they should kindly speak with him about what he was doing and guide him so that in future, he doesn’t have to stay out as late doing the activity or does the right types of activities or can notify his parents. It’s important to keep the lanes of communication open. • Key things not to do are sleep before the child comes home; or speak in an accusatory or harsh manner with the child.

Discussion Scenario #2 • SCENARIO: Daniyal’s parents feel that he is spending too much time hanging out with his friends from school instead of with his friends from the mosque. Daniyal gets upset and starts yelling at his parents • QUESTIONS: -What should the parents do in this situation? -What should they not do in this situation?

Discussion Scenario #2 • DISCUSSION GUIDE: • Sometimes people can get upset easily and start fighting (verbally) or yelling. It’s of the utmost importance for the parents to realize and lead by example that they shouldn’t get into a yelling match. Always remain calm and sometimes distance may be needed. But do not get upset easily in the heat of the moment. Explain the point when everyone is calm, and acknowledge that you are listening but reinforce that discussions need to happen in a calm manner with due respect for each party. Hadith of the Holy Prophet (saws): He who is not kind to the younger ones and doesn’t recognize the right of the elders is not from among us.

Discussion Scenario #3 • SCENARIO Zeeshan’s parents notice that he has been talking late on the phone or been on his computer late and don’t like it. • QUESTIONS What should the parents do or say?

Discussion Scenario #3 • DISCUSSION GUIDE It’s important to be sensitive to kids and talk to children in a kind manner. Zeeshan could be told the importance and many reasons of not doing those types of activities late. Also, an accepted understood time could be established to not engage in those things after a certain time (ie 10 PM). If exceptions need to be made, he can seek permission. Let’s say, God Forbid, that the next day, he continues with the same activities. Then as a parent, it’s a judgment call whether to overlook one more time and talk it out or take some specific corrective action to help reformation. (the goal should always be for reformation)

Discussion Scenario #4 • SCENARIO: Imran tries to talk to his parents during the evening after they return from work but they don’t really listen to him as they are busy with other things around the house/watching TV. • QUESTIONS: What should the parents do instead?

Discussion Scenario #4 • DISCUSSION GUIDE: Listening/talking (especially listening) to kids regularly is one of the most important things to do as a parent/adult. If one can connect/communicate with kids well, it can overcome a lot of other challenges. Parents/adults have the challenge these days of long work hours/miscellaneous tasks to be done. But always keep time for your kids; respect them (Hadith of the Holy Prophet (saws): Respect your children and cultivate good manners in them)). If you show you value them, they will value you (that much more), Inshallah. One idea to help foster this is to have some preset, collectively understood time where you will sit with your kids and just talk together (or even listen). The family dinner time can work.

Take Home • In this presentation, we discussed principles that parents or any adult should use when dealing with kids. Please keep in mind that the most important piece in this is constant prayers. • If there is good dealing and communication and common understanding with kids from a young age, then many of the challenges in this society that kids face (one such example is drugs, cited shura proposal from a previous year) can be overcome. • For further info and detail on this, please listen to a great jalsa salana USA speech that was delivered in 2013 by current Sadr Majlis Khuddamul Ahmadiyya, Bilal Rana Sahib.