CONFLICT RESOLUTION You Can Think Before You Act

The reasoning behind the choices we make § Most people believe that they have good reasons for whatever they do. § William Glasser, a renowned psychologist, identified five basic needs which we are constantly trying to meet. These are: – Physical Survival (Air, food, shelter, personal safety) – Love and Belonging (Family, friends, team or club activities) – Power and Achievement (Talking without being interrupted, accomplishing a difficult task, competition) – Freedom (having a choice of doing a research paper rather than a project) – Fun (Going to movies, a friend’s home, or the mall, video games) THERE ARE WAYS TO WORK THINGS OUT THAT ALLOW EVERYONE TO GET HIS OR HER NEEDS MET.

FEELINGS § The supposedly negative feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment, embarrassment, and sadness, while uncomfortable, are really okay. § It is the way we react to these feelings that cause conflict.

Our words and actions demonstrate both our needs and our feelings to others. How can we resolve the following conflicts and still demonstrate our consideration and respect for the other person as well? Your body language, your choice of words, and your tone of voice can help to de-escalate any conflict situation.

Scenario 1. James and David are going to lunch. The cafeteria is very crowded and each wants to save a seat for a friend. Both students arrive at the same time and choose a space with three vacant seats. James sits at one end and David sits at the other. Both of them want to save the middle seat for their friend. How could they work this out?

Scenario 2. Karen and Ashley want to talk about their plans for the weekend but the only time they see each other at school is during Math class. Mr. Jones, the teacher, also wants everyone’s attention while in his class. He will probably not view their need to talk as being more important than his need to teach Math. How can the girls talk without interfering with the class?

Scenario 3. Sara wants to chat with her friends on the Internet every day when she gets home from school. Her parents insist that she complete her homework before going online or watching television. She feels that since she is a good student that she should be able to do homework on her own time schedule right after dinner. What kind of dialog should she have with her parents?