Conflict Resolution We Cant Get Along Without it

Conflict Resolution We Can’t Get Along Without it! Interactive training for working through conflicts and moving forward with faith perspectives.

Animal Village…Or: Your Last Council Meeting or Family Gathering

Duck Church

We Are Hardwired

Good News/ Bad News! Conflict resolution does not mean you always get everything you want.

Why would I think we need new carpet?

Carpet Committee • Not show dirt? • Match stained glass windows? • Not make Elan look like the carpet? • Other? • Here is what happened:

Mogen David Red

For the Baptists! Welch Grape Purple!

Conflict: who needs it? How many see conflict as something to be avoided at all costs?

When I say Conflict you say: • Destructive • Chaotic • Healthy • Miserable • Disruptive • ? ? ?

The Perils of Parallel Parking and the Perks

Conflict Free Zone

Practice skills to resolve disagreements • You will be better prepared for the mega conflicts • Mega conflicts may never happen • In emergency situations you will be more capable (individually and as a group) of responding appropriately • Share viewpoints

Conflict Free Zone

Dr. Alice Stewart/ the blessings of those that will tell you when you are wrong. • Margaret Heffernan Dare to Disagree • https: //www. ted. com/talks/margaret_heffernan_dare_to_disagree? l anguage=en • Do not show this unless you have time to do so in its entirety, (12 minutes, 48 seconds) honoring the ted. com request for educational use.

The great divide….

The great divide…over toilet paper!

More specifically, over or under?

Ever wonder about the earliest cave drawings?

Before Flannel Graphs and Power. Points!

World Café Model • Plastic tablecloths • Colored markers • Round tables (or card tables, or use ends of rectangular tables) • Little vase with flower • People (or ducks) • A concern • A timer

World Cafe

Let me count the ways World Café Works 1. Comfortable way to gather all are familiar with 2. Diverse opinions shared and listened to 3. Then as traveling between groups, reshared by those that may oppose 4. Communicate ideas forward movement 5. Facilitates we, us and group ownership 6. All contribute 7. ?

Workshop 2 1. Circle Conversations 2. Deep Listening 3. Kindness and Generosity 4. Nurturing Relationships 5. Social Capital (The Parable of the Apple) 6. Where Two or More or Gathered

Possibilities for talking pieces

Why Circle Conversations Work 1. Eliminates people talking over the top of each other and hijacking topics 2. Offers the opportunity for everyone to contribute and shape outcome/process 3. Space to think before responding 4. Shared ownership

Deep Listening

Deep Listening • The gift of being heard • A teachable skill • Does have life changing potential

Interactive Deep Listening Exercise • Read from Beyond Measure, by Margaret Hefferman Pair off into twos. Person one asks a nontrivial question: • What would you do if you could do anything you wanted? • What is your biggest joy in life? • How are you really?

Can this relationship be saved?

Updated!

Lasting relationships • What two traits contribute to lasting relationships: • http: //www. businessinsider. com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-2 -traits -2014 -11 • Watch with your group, also see study in Blink

Time for a little Toby Keith? • . In my world I would love to share Toby Keith’s song, therefore I am including it just for your personal edification, use at your own risk! https: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=KIex. LB 86 Do 0

Improv! • Improv 1: You slob!

Improv time! • Improv 2: This makes me feel:

The Parable of the Apple

What is happening here?

Pecking Order at Work: • Importance of social connectedness http: //www. ted. com/talks/margaret_heffernan_why_it_s_time_to_for get_the_pecking_order_at_work? language=en • Don’t show this unless you have time: 15: 47 • Fantastic!

How might this be improved 1. Share wisdom 2. Listening 3. Seriously consider ideas offered 4. Create social capital/community 5. Provide opportunities for all to share meaningfully 6. ?

Where two or more are gathered…

Nurturing Relationships • Fika • Building relationships • Social Connectedness (Social Capital) • The importance of safe space

Now we’re talking!

Moving Forward • Always be looking for opportunities to build Social Connectedness • Retreats! • Small – Medium size Group, have a Circle Conversation (using an apple as a talking piece!) • Assign one person in a discussion to play devil’s advocate • Either assign, or be the person who encourages others to share thoughts • Large group, World Café Model • Hackathon!

Workshop 3 • Dissecting (Defining) a Conflict • Conflict, Not just Fight or Flight • Conflict Transformation (Time Out/ Time In) • Avoiding Avoidance • Conflict Resolution Skills (Can We Talk? ) • Stalemate

We want to avoid this!

The Benefits of Dissecting a Conflict Situation • Why we should: • How to do it: • What to keep • Learn • Grow

You Should Address • Constant atmosphere of anxiety • Top Down Hierarchy as only tool (if all you have is a hammer everything starts looking like a nail!) • Anything that is contributing to an unsafe policy/situation

Survival!

Conflict, Not Just Fight or Flight • How does conflict make you feel? • Rising blood pressure • Heart beating faster • Hands getting sweaty • Face Flushing

Ted talk by Kelly Mc. Gonigal https: //www. ted. com/search? q=make+stress+your+friend • Do not show this clip unless you have time to share in its entirety, • (14 min and 23 seconds) thus honoring ted. com

Traditional timeout

Time in

Amygdala

When Amygdala should and shouldn’t drive

Time to pick a new driver

Avoiding Avoidance Sweeping stuff under the rug Waiting for things to go away on their own Failure to deal with issues

Avoiding Avoidance

Is this your current go to? • • • Sweep it under the rug. Ignoring it. Hope it will go away. Walking to the other side of the street to avoid someone you disagree with. Throw more money at it. Fire everyone who disagrees with you. Refusing to speak to someone you are upset with. What else? Quit; Job, Relationship, Divorce… Life

Better strategy • Learn methods of healthy dialog • Be willing to engage in conversation • Not be afraid of conflict, see it as opportunity for growth • Do not see the other as an adversary, see each other as a fellow human (or duck) • Listen deeply • Welcome those offering opposing viewpoints • ?

Icebreakers how and why

Can we talk? • What are some of the common culprits of dialog destruction in the world today? • What are some solutions?

Stalemate • Mini Hackathon • Trained Mediator • The Stalemate Buster

Stalemate Buster

Wait rabbits can’t fly! Or, can they?