Conciseness How to say more with fewer words

Conciseness How to say more with fewer words

The information in this presentation is from the Purdue University Online Writing Lab Effective writing is concise, with no unnecessary words. The term "wordy“ refers to writing that includes unnecessary words. "Wordiness" refers to the use of unnecessary words to express ideas that can be expressed with fewer words. Note that a sentence is not "wordy" just because it is long. A sentence can be long and concise. Nor is a paragraph or an essay necessarily wordy just because it is long.

You own it! n n If your name is on the paper, readers know to expect your thoughts, opinions, and ideas. You do not to remind your audience of your thinking by using: I think that I believe that I feel that in my opinion It is my belief that It is my opinion that I think cats make the worst pets. (wordy) Cats make the worst pets. (concise) In my opinion, caller I. D. is an invasion of privacy. (wordy) Caller I. D. is an invasion of privacy. (concise)

Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers n Writers sometimes clog up their prose with one or more extra words or phrases that seem to determine narrowly or to modify the meaning of a noun but don't actually add to the meaning of the sentence. n Wordy Any particular type of dessert is fine with me. Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help. n n n More Concise Any dessert is fine with me. Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without extra help.

Prune those common words/phrases… A list of some words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer: n n n kind of sort of type of specific really basically for all intents and purposes particular definitely actually generally individual Wordy n For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect. More Concise n American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors.

Change phrases into single words Using phrases to convey meaning that could be presented in a single word contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single words when possible. Look for prepositions to eliminate. Wordy n The employee with ambition. . . n The department showing the best performance. . . n Jeff Converse, our chief of consulting, suggested at our last board meeting the installation of microfilm equipment in the department of data processing. More Concise n The ambitious employee. . . n The best-performing department. . . n At our last board meeting, Chief Consultant Jeff Converse suggested that we install microfilm equipment in the data processing department. n As you edit, first find nominalizations that you can replace with verb phrases.

Avoid overusing expletives at the beginning of sentences n n n Expletives are phrases of the form it + be-verb or there + be-verb. Such expressions can be rhetorically effective for emphasis in some situations, but overuse or unnecessary use of expletive constructions creates wordy prose. Take the following example: "It is imperative that we find a solution. " The same meaning could be expressed with this more succinct wording: "We must find a solution. “ The most common kind of unnecessary expletive construction involves an expletive followed by a noun and a relative clause beginning with that, which, or who. In most cases, you can create a more concise sentence by eliminating the expletive opening, making the noun the subject of the sentence, and eliminating the relative pronoun. Wordy n n n It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills. There are four rules that should be observed: . . . There was a big explosion, which shook the windows, and there were many people running into the street. More Concise n n n The governor signs or vetoes bills. Four rules should be observed: . . . A big explosion shook the windows, and people ran into the street.

Use active rather than passive verbs Wordy n An account was opened by Mrs. Simms. n Your figures were checked by the research department. More Concise n Mrs. Simms opened an account. n The research department checked your figures.

Active Voice n In sentences written in active voice, the subject performs the action expressed in the verb; The object appears after the subject.

Passive Voice n In sentences written in passive voice, the subject receives the action expressed in the verb; the subject is acted upon. The agent performing the action may appear in a "by the. . . " phrase or may be omitted.

More wordy constructions + alternatives n as regards in reference to with regard to concerning the matter of n where ____ is concerned n n it is crucial that it is necessary that there is a need/necessity for it is important that n cannot be avoided n n n =about =must, should

Wordy constructions cont’d n n n n is able to has the opportunity to has the capacity for has the ability to it is possible that there is a chance that it could happen that the possibility exists for Wordy It is possible that nothing will come of these preparations. She has the ability to influence the outcome. It is necessary that we take a stand on this pressing issue. = can =may, might, could More Concise Nothing may come of these preparations. She can influence the outcome. We must take a stand on this pressing issue.

Omit repetitive wording The following is a list of redundant wording: past memories m various differences m each individual m basic fundamentals m true facts m important essentials m future plans m terrible tragedy m end result m final outcome m free gift m past history m unexpected surprise m sudden crisis m

Redundant Categories Specific words imply their general categories, so we usually don't have to state both. We know that a period is a segment of time, that pink is a color, that shiny is an appearance. In each of the following phrases, the general category term can be dropped, leaving just the specific descriptive word: q large in size often times of a bright color heavy in weight period in time round in shape at an early time q economics field q q q o of cheap quality honest in character of an uncertain condition in a confused state unusual in nature extreme in degree o of a strange type o o o

One more list AVOID (use these instead) due to the fact that (because) be of the opinion that (think) because of the fact that (because) disappear from view (disappear) at this point in time (now) tall in height (tall) at that point in time (then) small in size (small) he is a man who (he) short in length (short) in today's world (today) in a hasty manner (hastily) this day and age (today) this is a subject that (this subject) has the ability (can) the reason why is that (because) in order to (to) the question as to whether (whether) during the same time that (when) under the impression that (believe, think) during the time that (while) given the fact that (because) until such time as (until) each and every one (every one) in spite of the fact that (although) put forth an effort (try) by means of (by) whole entire (whole or entire)

Use intense words, not intensifiers n n n These are words that George Orwell has called "the leeches that infest the pond of prose. " Rather than adding energy to the words they modify— presumably their purpose—they actually siphon it away. Examples of what NOT to write: rather (as in "rather interesting") quite (as in "quite appetizing") little (as in "a little tired") pretty (as in "pretty good") really ("really impressive")

Remember…Description = nbetter, stronger words n NOT more words!

The best description is vivid and concise… End of presentation.

Your Turn Imagine a mental picture of someone engaged in the intellectual activity of trying to learn what the rules are for how to play the game of chess. (27 words) Imagine someone trying to learn the rules of chess. (9 words)

Your Turn Baseball, one of our oldest and most popluar outdoor summer sports in terms of total attendance at ball parks and viewing on television, has the kind of rhythm of play on the field that alternates between times when players passively wait with no action taking place between the pitches to the batter and then times when they explode into action as the batter hits a pitched ball to one of the players and the player fields it. (77 words) Baseball has a rhythm that alternates between waiting and explosive action. (11 words)

Your Turn For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are rally more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect. (26 words) American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors. (11 words)

Your Turn The employee with ambition. . . (4 words) The ambitious employee. . . (3 words)

Your Turn As you carefully read what you have written to improve your wording and catch small errors of spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing to do before you do anything else is to try to see where a series of words expressing action could replace the ideas found in nouns rather than verbs. (53 words) As you edit, first find nominalizations that you can replace with verb phrases. (13 words)

Your Turn The function of this department is the collection of accounts. (10 words) This department collects accounts. (4 words)