Communication in Marriage Family Cohesion the emotional bonding

Communication in Marriage

Family Cohesion: the emotional bonding of family members Six Qualities of Family Strength (Stinnett) 1. Appreciation for One Another * psychologically build each other up (e. g. touching or hugging) 2. Arrange Personal Schedules * reserve a day for each other “families who eat together, stay together”

Six Qualities of Family Strength (Stinnett) 3. High Degree of Communication * making the time no matter what 4. Spiritual Orientation * not religious, but rather part of something greater (e. g. family as a sanctuary) 5. Deal Positively with Crisis * Seeing the “silver lining, ” i. e. , we are still together 6. Positive Communication * Argue openly and support continually

Listening Brodrick: The Positive Results of Listening 1. Shows Love 2. Illustrates partner’s worth 3. Discover partner’s perspective 4. Spouse develops greater clarity 5. Setting an example for later interactions * Predicting Divorce is connected to couples ability to listen

Conflict Being Passive-Aggressive: expressing anger indirectly through subtle behaviors e. g. , nitpicking, chronic criticism, sarcasms, nagging These behaviors will cause unnecessary distance and pain in the relationship *Americans are particularly prone to this behavior based on cultural speech patterns

The Four Horsemen and the Apocalypse (Gottman) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Contempt Criticism Defensiveness Stonewalling Belligerence * 90 percent of couples displaying these behaviors got divorced

Gendered Differences in Communication Report Talk vs. Rapport Talk (Tannen) 1. Men: conversation aimed by relaying information 2. Women: speaking to gain or reinforce rapport or intimacy * Female-demand/Male-withdraw Pattern

Explanations of the Femaledemand/Male-withdraw Pattern 1. Biological (Gottman) The biological effects of stress that men experience occurs more rapidly and are slower to dissipate 2. Socialization (Real) “secret legacy of depression”Men are not allowed to associate with anything “feminine” like discussing his feelings in relation to his wife’s complaints

What Wives and Husbands can do (Gottman) Wives: “Soothing” Husbands: Accept the influence of your wife

Guidelines for Bond Fighting 1. Level with Each Other 2. Avoid Attacks, Use “I-Statements” 3. Avoid Mixed or Double Messages 4. Choose Time and Place Carefully

Guidelines for Bond Fighting 5. Focus Anger Only on Specific Issues 6. Ask for Specific Change, be Open to Compromise 7. Be Willing to Change Yourself 8. Don’t Try to Win 9. Remember to End the Argument