Coaching Sessions for Coping with COVID19 Jennifer Kirby

A Note on this Coaching Curriculum The idea for this coaching curriculum emerged during a discussion between Patrick Sullivan, MD and Cynthia Bulik, Ph. D as they were discussing the challenges their junior team members were having during the COVID-19 pandemic. They quickly realized that the challenges were not limited to junior researchers, but that everyone could use some assistance in managing life during the pandemic. Dr. Bulik then reached out to her long-time partner in psychotherapy development Dr. Jennifer Kirby (they have created several manualized treatments together) and within days developed a draft coaching curriculum. We piloted the program with a group of early career researchers who were also mothers of young children and have incorporated their feedback into this V 2. 0 of the curriculum. We welcome any feedback that you have from your experience and encourage you to share this curriculum widely with your colleagues. Stay well and stay safe! Jen, Cindy, and Pat 2

Coaching Session 1: Setting the Stage Today’s Agenda Welcome Discuss goals/expectations/format of coaching sessions Check-in Select and brief introductions – how is everyone doing? “homework” for our next session 3

Coaching Sessions: Goals and Format Goals of our time together Learn how to cope with “life during the pandemic” more effectively Create a supportive, non-judgmental space for us to share concerns and guidance with each other Coaching is not therapy; that being said, what is said in coaching, stays in coaching Format of sessions Each session – welcome, check-in, new material, and exercises to work on at home 9 sessions in total over the next four weeks Weekday 1, Weekday 2, X: 00 -X: 00 pm (one hour) Final meeting will be Day, Month Date First session of week = didactic; second session = discussion 4

Coaching Session 1: Homework Exercises to complete for our next session Pick a specific self-care behavior and aim to do it every day. For example: Eating, sleeping, or physical activity Something you enjoy, or find relaxing 5

Coaching Session 2 (Didactic) Today’s Agenda Welcome and brief homework review Discussion topic for today: Working “Smart” Homework for our next meeting 6

Homework Review How did you do with your daily self-care behavior? What helped? What got in the way? 7

Overview of Two Key Domains Working during COVID-19 Good work habits Daily structure/routine Re-planning your future projects, papers, grants Mental / emotional well-being Perfectionism Worry and fear Challenging emotions Self-care 8

Optimizing our Work Potential during COVID-19 We’re aiming for working “smart” – working harder (i. e. , more hours) not possible Demands are much higher Resources Overarching are much lower skill to keep in mind Being effective: Doing what works—not what you want to work, not what you think should work—but what actually works 9

How can we work “smart” during COVID-19? Set realistic expectations – what’s possible? Prioritize your time / work tasks Consider your work habits – when, what, how do you work best; the role of “set-shifting” Create a workspace for yourself Ask for help/support/accountability, delegate when you can Avoid comparisons with others Problem-solve as needed 10

Coaching Session 2: Homework Exercises to complete for our next session Pick 1 -2 factors from Slide 9 (How can we work “smart”? ) that you can practice implementing between now and our next meeting 11

Coaching Session 3 (Discussion) Today’s Agenda Welcome Homework review and group discussion Strategies for “working smart” during COVID-19 crisis Homework for our next meeting 12

Coaching Session 3: Homework Continue for our next meeting implementing work strategies Observe when your thoughts are challenging (e. g. , worries, fears, perfectionism, judgments) 13

Coaching Session 4 (Didactic) Today’s Agenda Welcome and brief homework review Discussion topic for today: “Thinking well” during COVID-19 Homework for our next meeting 14

Homework Review How did you do with your work strategies? What struck you as you observed your thoughts since our last meeting/COVID-19 started? 15

“Thinking Well” During COVID-19: Cognitive-Behavioral Model Thoughts Behaviors Emotions Within a specific situation…

“Thinking Well” During COVID-19 How are your thoughts challenging you these days? Natural to have lots of worries, fears, judgments about self and/or others, standards that may be unattainable, etc. Can be tough to focus, mind jumping from topic to topic, difficulty staying in the present 17

“Thinking Well” During COVID-19 Be on the lookout for these common thinking errors/issues: All-or-nothing or black/white – dichotomy versus continuum Catastrophizing – worst case scenarios, won’t be able to cope Mind-reading Ruminating Changing – “knowing” what others are thinking – getting stuck on a specific thought pattern frequently – bouncing from worry to worry 18

What can we do to think “better”? First, we need to be aware of our thoughts. Realize that we’re having a thought versus experiencing a “truth/fact. ” Second, we can examine our thoughts by asking a few questions: Is this thought accurate? Check the facts! Is this thought helpful to have now? If not, turn your attention elsewhere. Is this thought a negative judgment? Re-describe specifically without global labels. 19

Examples: Examining our Thoughts 20

Examples: Examining our Thoughts 21

Coaching Session 4: Homework Exercises to complete for our next session Practice observing your thoughts- either in real time and/or after they have occurred Practice Is evaluating your thoughts: this thought accurate? Check the facts! Is this thought helpful to have now? Turn your attention elsewhere. Is this thought a negative judgment? Re-describe specifically without global labels. 22

Coaching Session 5 (Discussion) Today’s Agenda Welcome and brief homework review Discussion topic for today: Observing and evaluating thoughts Homework for our next meeting 23

Coaching Session 5: Homework Today’s Agenda Continue with observing and evaluating your thoughts Begin to observe your emotions What challenges are you noticing related to your emotions? 24

Coaching Session 6 (Didactic) Today’s Agenda Welcome and brief homework review Discussion topic for today: “Managing Your Emotions” during COVID-19 Homework for our next meeting 25

Homework Review How did you do with your cognitive strategies? What struck you as you observed your emotions since our last meeting/COVID-19 started? What challenges have you had relative to your emotions during this time? 26

Observations of emotional challenges during COVID-19? Complex grief Typical grief has predictable pattern During pandemic, in addition to loss of life, dealing with many different losses (paper cuts of grief) Emotional lability Feelings fluctuate more than usual Feeling OK one minute and hopeless the next, without clear triggers Feeling many emotions at once Difficulty separating out a “stew” of emotions Try to focus on one food at a time 27

What can we do to manage our emotions better? First, we need to be aware of and identify our emotions. Realize that we’re having an emotion versus “this is reality” (“I’m feeling hopeless” vs “Things are hopeless”) Identify emotion specifically to better learn and respond to it (e. g. , can use feeling wheel) Second, we can respond to our emotions in a number of ways: Validate your emotion- acknowledge the reason(s) why it makes sense you’re having it Reduce our vulnerability to negative emotions Change our emotional experience Tolerate our emotions without making matters worse 28

Recognizing and Identifying Your Emotions (i. e. , Feeling Wheel by Gloria Wilcox, Ph. D) 29

How do we reduce our vulnerability to negative emotions? Tending to our self-care Physical illness, sleep, eating, exercise, substance use, taking meds as prescribed Challenging as we’re caregivers, time/money/help/ opportunities are limited Building in positive experiences Daily/weekly positives – what is possible/attainable? Long-term positives – very challenging as we can’t predict/plan like usual 30

How do we change an emotion once we’re having one (provided we want to)? Use the skill of acting opposite 1) Identify the emotion you’re having 2) Identify the behavioral urge you’re having from that emotion (i. e. , what do you feel like doing) 3) Ask yourself what is the opposite behavior of that urge 4) Do that opposite behavior fully – throw yourself into it 5) Remember you DO NOT have to stop having the emotion you’re having 31

Examples of Acting Opposite 32

How do we cope with intense emotions without making matters worse? Distraction – when you can’t change a tough situation, sometimes the best thing you can do is “take a break from it” Engaging activities – a task that takes your attention fully Contributing to others – giving to others, checking on a loved one Opposite emotions (different from emotion you’re struggling with) – watching a movie, listening to music Pushing away – put worries/emotions, etc. in a “box”, will come back to it later Intense sensations – e. g. , hot/cold shower, hold an ice cube for 20 seconds, exercise, sex Radical acceptance – practice fully accepting the situation is as it is, and stop resisting it (“it shouldn’t be, it must not be”), 33 may have to do this again and again

Coaching Session 6: Homework Exercises to complete for our next session Practice observing and validating your emotions – either in real time and/or after they have occurred Practice emotion management strategies: How can I make myself less vulnerable to negative emotions? Work on a self-care domain, build in a positive Is this an emotion I would like to change? Practice acting opposite Is this an emotion I need to tolerate (for now)? Practice distracting, radical acceptance 34

Coaching Session 7 (Discussion) Today’s Agenda Welcome Homework review and group discussion Strategies for managing emotions during COVID-19 crisis Homework Practice for our next meeting cognitive and emotion management strategies Consider your concerns and discussion needs relative to your next professional steps, email them to coach by [insert day before next session] 35

Coaching Session 8 (Didactic) Today’s Agenda Welcome and brief homework review Discussion topic for today: Managing uncertainty and planning for the future Homework for our next meeting 36

Homework Review How did you do with your emotion management strategies? Observing and labeling your emotions Validating your emotions Addressing Acting self-care, building in positives opposite Distracting Radical acceptance 37

Looking Ahead: Need to Manage Uncertainty Major challenge of navigating uncertainty Tough when we don’t know what / when life events are going to happen, we have limited control (e. g. , one reason why pregnancy process can be so hard) COVID-19 has created uncertainty in multiple domains at once—professionally, personally, health safety, financial security, etc. —with no clear end date Managing When uncertainty will be an ongoing process are you more / less successful doing so? What helps you do this better? 38

Managing Uncertainty: Putting Our Coaching Strategies to Work Identify what is certain vs what is uncertain – more may be certain than you realize! 2) Radically accept the domains of uncertainty –remember you may have to do this repeatedly 3) Distract from worrying/focusing on uncertainty (for nowmay be for limited periods of time) 4) Focus your efforts on what is more certain, also where you have control, what you can plan for, etc. 1) Remember to consider your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors throughout the above! 39

Reflections and Planning Ahead: Professionally: What are realistic expectations for the next 6 months? Next year? What strategies will you use to best communicate this with your bosses/supervisors? How will you manage not living up to your perception of others’ expectations? How will you reconcile your own revised expectations with your pre-COVID expectations? How will you manage comparisons with others who have different circumstances? 40

Reflections and Planning Ahead: Professional Practical steps: Being proactive about professional accommodations (tenure clock, deadlines) Talking with your supervisor / boss /mentor about the challenges you are facing Building strategic alliances (peers who can help concretely; exchange favors) Realistic backup plans (not obsessing about worst case scenarios) 41

Reflections and Planning Ahead: Personally: What lifestyle changes have you made due to COVID-19 that you would like to continue? Are you finding yourself more grateful / looking forward to life experiences you had previously experienced as boring or depleting? What sources of support do you need to best move forward from here? What practical steps can you take to set these up? 42

Coaching Session 8: Homework Exercises to complete for our next session Practice strategies relative to managing uncertainty Anticipate your personal and professional next steps from here Reflect on how the coaching sessions may or may not have been helpful to you, and suggestions you have for improvement 43

Coaching Session 9 (Discussion) Today’s Agenda Welcome Homework review and group discussion Strategies Reflections for managing uncertainty on our coaching sessions Looking back – what was most helpful Looking ahead – what are your goals moving forward Interest in continuing informally? Feedback on the coaching material, format, etc. 44