Clergy Abuse Betrayal and Relational Complex Trauma Christine

Clergy Abuse: Betrayal and Relational Complex Trauma Christine A. Courtois, Ph. D, ABPP Psychologist, Private Practice Courtois & Associates, PC Washington, DC CACourtois. Ph. D@aol. com www. drchriscourtois. com

Relevant Books by Dr. Courtois

Outline � I. Clergy abuse and incest have similar dynamics ◦ Both are forms of complex trauma �II. Complex trauma ->complex reactions � III. Complex reactions -> complex healing ◦ Understanding dynamics and common reactions helps to better understand the injury and to heal

Defining Trauma � What is trauma? � What makes it traumatic? ◦ Stressor event or experience (includes witnessing) ◦ Overwhelming ◦ Different types: impersonal, interpersonal, identity ◦ Overwhelming emotionally and cognitively ◦ Cannot be emotionally processed in the normal way ◦ When interpersonal, adds to the trauma �betrayal, secrecy, silence, taboo, force/violence, blame/shame, etc. ◦ Avoided and not processed �generalizes and/or goes underground

Defining Trauma �What is Complex Trauma? ◦ Interpersonal/identity ◦ Often during childhood/adolescence �Impacts development ◦ In context of a relationship �Betrayal/Misuse/Exploitation � Repeated/chronic � Entrapping � Escalating � over time Seriousness & intrusion

What is Incest? � Sexual abuse by family members (also by nonrelatives who have family roles, including clergy) � Violates primary relationships and roles � Violates responsibility to protect � Misuses authority, power, knowledge � Preys on and exploits those who are younger/smaller /less powerful/naïve/ immature/dependent/accessible ◦ Have fewer resources ◦ Victims are more vulnerable if family is not healthy

Common Dynamics of Incest �Betrayal and Relational Trauma ◦ Betrayal of an essential and sacrosanct relationship and role ◦ Not “stranger-danger” ◦ Much more emotionally conflicted and damaging ◦ May affect ability to remember �Second � injury Those who don’t respond or help �Institutional � Those injury that obstruct rather than help � Communities and organizations

Common Dynamics of Incest � Dysfunctional Family ◦ With boundary and power problems; sometimes violent, poly-abusive, addictions � Power and gender dynamics ◦ Patriarchal � Closed system � Family rules and injunctions ◦ Loyalty expected, even when not deserved ◦ Don’t!: know, feel, react, respond, tell � Paradox and hypocrisy

Common Dynamics of Incest � Victim who discloses is blamed, shunned, scapegoated, ◦ “You are with us or against us; Don’t ask us to admit/change” � Supporters/interveners are treated with suspicion, may be attacked � Secondary and tertiary victims ◦ Trauma has a wake: like a pebble in a pond ◦ Other family members, others in the parish or faith community

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse � Structured power and historical behaviors (including abuse) and doctrine � Patriarchal and hierarchical: Cardinals , bishops and priests as authority figures, extensions of the deity; contradictory views of women � Church as family � Church as closed system � Structured morals and beliefs (that are violated) � Structured training of priests ◦ Vocations and seminaries ◦ Personal and psychosexual development in the seminary

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse � Loyalty and obedience expected � Priest as God’s representative: Spiritual father �Authority and moral figure �May have a role in the child’s biological family �Always to be honored, obeyed, respected �Not to be questioned/suspected � Church and congregants as extended family ◦ Children of God ◦ Beliefs, structure, functioning ◦ Loyalty, attachment, kinship/faith ties

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse ◦ Betrayal-trauma, hypocrisy, & disillusionment �Betrayal of role and responsibilities �Betrayal of beliefs and teaching �Ambivalent attachment/conflicted emotions/loyalty ◦ Second Injury �Enablers (housekeeper, other priests, etc. ) �Passive bystanders (other priests, congregants, parents, Bishops, Cardinals, etc. ) �Those who should help and don’t �Lack of investigation, follow-up, silencing �Disbelievers, blamers, scapegoaters, and attackers ◦ Vicarious injury: collateral damage

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse ◦ Institutional Injury �Suppression of reports and inadequate investigation �Lack of reporting to criminal authorities �Lack of cooperation with investigations �Non-removal of perpetrators and moving them from one parish to another with no warning �Non-pastoral response to victims �Actively working against victims’ suits & rights � Statutes of limitation, bankruptcies, etc. �Expensive defense attorneys �Questioning of recovered or delayed memories

Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy Abuse � And the list goes on… ◦ “Just get over it. ” ◦ “What’s the big deal? ” ◦ “All (litigating) victims want is money and to bankrupt the Church. ” ◦ “It’s homosexuality and not pedophilia” �Can it not be one or the other or both? ◦ “The Church does not have to report to civil authorities. ” ◦ “The problem is recent and it is over. ” ◦ “Management systems are in place” ◦ “Why should I/we apologize for what other priests/Bishops did? ”

II. Complex Reactions to Complex Trauma � Individual and subjective � Initial and short-term: ◦ Wide variety of behavioral, cognitive, emotional, physical/medical, identity, relational and family issues and symptoms ◦ PTS and PTSD, depression, anxiety, dissociation, substance abuse and compulsions �by victim’s age and stage of development ◦ May be noticed right away, but not understood ◦ Child may not disclose, even when asked directly ◦ Effects and symptoms may go dormant

Complex Reactions to Complex Trauma �Long-term: �Same: PTS and PTSD, Complex PTSD, dissociation, depression, anxiety, substance abuse �Episodic �Chronic �Again, manifested by age and stage � Delayed onset: Secondary elaborations of the untreated original effects �Cued by current events (positive and negative): media and other reports of clergy abuse; death of the perpetrator or others; feelings, thoughts, sensations; relationship and family issues; children and childrearing; response of others; institutional response, etc.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder �Major symptoms (the big three): ◦ 1. Re-experiencing ◦ 2. Numbing/detaching ◦ 3. Hyper-arousal � Associated symptoms �Depression, anxiety, dissociation, substance abuse �Co-morbidity: medical and psychological �Self and relationship difficulties

Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders: PTSD, plus or minus ◦ Alterations in ability to regulate self and emotions ◦ Alterations in sense of self �PREDOMINANTLY NEGATIVE AND SELF-BLAMING ◦ Alterations in ongoing consciousness ◦ Alterations in relation to the perpetrator ◦ Alterations in relation to others �MISTRUST, alienation ◦ Physical/medical concerns ◦ Alterations in meaning and spirituality

Complex Injury ->Complex. Treatment � Understand complex trauma and reactions � Find an experienced therapist ◦ Must understand sexual abuse, special issues of clergy abuse, complex trauma ◦ Not all therapists have training in the treatment of trauma ◦ Don’t take this for granted! ◦ Find someone you are comfortable with ◦ The therapy relationship itself is part of the healing process

Complex Treatment for Complex Injury � Sequenced stages: treatment with three main ◦ 1. Information/education, safety and stabilization, dismantling defenses/survival skills and managing symptoms, skill-development including emotional regulation skills, development of therapeutic relationship ◦ 2. Trauma memory processing: involves acceptance, grieving, and anger; strategizing about actions ◦ 3. Life re-engagement, meaning, spirituality

Complex Treatment for Complex Injury: Reverse the Lessons of Abuse � Personal SAFETY is the foundation of healing � Support of others is crucial ◦ Develop a support system ◦ YOU ARE NOT ALONE ◦ IT DIDN’T ONLY HAPPEN TO YOU � Put yourself and your family first ◦ Determine your needs ◦ Family members such as parents can be vicariously traumatized and may need support and treatment ◦ Explain to children in age-appropriate ways

Complex Treatment for Complex Injury � Re-gain control: Get empowered for you ◦ Treat any addictions/compulsions simultaneously ◦ Challenge old messages and the “lessons of abuse” �Work to change thoughts and beliefs ◦ Learn to remove/limit triggers ◦ Learn skills to manage symptoms ◦ Approach versus avoid trauma material but with skills and support in place and in a balanced way ◦ Trauma must be emotionally processed � Use anger for you and not against you

On Offering Support �Healing is a process ◦ Expect ups and downs ◦ Healing from complex interpersonal trauma is longer rather than shorter-term � Be unconditional and conditional ◦ Person versus behavior � Expect ◦ ◦ your own reactions Vicarious or secondary trauma Crisis in faith Engage in self-care and have limits and boundaries Have own sources of support/outside perspective

On Grieving � Compounded, complicated mourning for what was and what wasn’t ◦ Multiple layers of betrayal and injury ◦ Takes time and energy ◦ Often involves righteous and justifiable anger � Ambiguous losses ◦ Might not be recognized -> more loss and grief ◦ Might not be supported �Search for meaning and validation

Anger for Empowerment � ANGER/RAGE IS AN ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED RESPONSE TO ABUSE ◦ A difficult emotion, must be managed and modulated � LEARN TO USE ANGER PRODUCTIVELY AND IN WAYS THAT EMPOWER YOU ◦ Use anger to reverse the lessons and put the blame where it belongs and not on you � Litigation is one option, not the only one ◦ Can have a high personal cost, better if later in the process, get information and choose carefully � Personal healing and recovery are the ultimate goals

Conclusion Healing Is Possible and Is Your Right and Responsibility Maintain Hope and Solidarity with Others

Additional Resources � SNAP. org (Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests) � Male. Survivors. org � ISTSS. org (International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies) � ISSTD. org (International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation) � NCPTSD. org (National Center for PTSD) � NCTSN. org (National Child Traumatic Stress Network) � Sidran. org ◦ Referral list, help desk, books and videos on trauma topics