Chapter Nine Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic

Chapter Nine Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World

Chapter Preview: Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World • How emotions influence thinking and behavior • Factors that contribute to emotional balance • Critical role of emotions in the workplace • Factors that influence emotional development Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 2

Chapter Preview: Achieving Emotional Balance in a Chaotic World • Dealing with anger • Factors that contribute to workplace violence • Common emotional styles • Strategies for achieving emotional control Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 3

Emotions: An Introduction • Emotions are strong, positive or negative, temporary feelings that influence thinking and behavior – Such as jealousy, fear, love, joy, or grief – Provide us with knowledge of current emotional condition – Energize our thoughts and behaviors Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 4

Emotions • Are activated by a variety of events • We can choose how

Figure 9. 1 Behavior Is Influenced by Activating Events Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company.

Achieving Emotional Balance—A Daily Challenge • Achieving success in complex times – emotional balance has never been more important – we need to be able to think and feel simultaneously • Choices made by heads (reason/logic) or hearts (feelings/care) Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 7

Achieving Emotional Balance—A Daily Challenge • Leaders that lack emotional balance breed – fear – confusion – anger – sadness • Now seeing enormous differences in the expression of emotions Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 8

Achieving Emotional Balance—A Daily Challenge • People more likely to – drive aggressively – misbehave during flights – become abusive when unhappy with service – experience emotional pain because of disagreeable bosses Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 9

Emotional Competence • IQ is not the only factor that predicts success • Human characteristics that make up emotional competence – Personal competence – Social competence Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 10

Personal Competence • Refers to the competencies that determine how we manage ourselves • Competencies in this category include – Recognizing one's emotions and their effects – Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check – Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 11

Social Competence • Refers to the competencies that determine how we handle relationships • Competencies in this category include – Sensing others' feelings and perspectives – Listening openly and sending convincing messages – Negotiating and resolving disagreements Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 12

Emotional Competence • IQ tends to be stable throughout life • Emotional competence is learnable and tends to increase throughout our life span Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 13

Emotional Expression • Humans carry a large array of emotions over a lifetime • Emotional imbalance can be due to – Learned inhibition of certain emotions and overemphasis on the expression of others – Fixation on a single emotion Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 14

The Emotional Factor at Work • Emotions play critical role in success of every organization • Many decision-makers fail to understand the important role of emotions at work Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 15

The Emotional Factor at Work • Traditional management training – Emphasizes "doing business" and is purely rational – Values only those things that can be arranged, analyzed, and defined • Need to do business with meeting of minds and meeting of the hearts Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 16

The Emotional Factor at Work • Today, firms realize the importance of establishing, building, and maintaining a relationship with employees and customers • Compassion key to long-term success • Machines will never have the ability to reach out with warmth through – eye contact – physical touch – words Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 17

Total Person Insight • All of our technology is underutilized and will remain so until we put the emotion of doing business onto parity with the logical and rational aspects of performance improvement. • James C. Georges • Chief Executive Officer, The Par Group Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 18

Relationship Strategy • Emotional undercurrents are present in almost every area of every organization • Most service organizations realize the need for a relationship strategy – a plan for establishing, building, and maintaining quality relationships with customers Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 19

Relationship Strategy • Essential for success in today’s marketplace • Front-line employees engage in “emotional labor” • Frequent contact with the public can be very stressful • Emotional labor is often more difficult to handle than physical labor Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 20

Factors That Influence Our Emotions • Achieving greater emotional control starts with – Determining source of emotional difficulties – Studying factors that influence emotional development • Temperament • Unconscious influences • Cultural conditioning Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 21

Temperament • Refers to a person’s individual style and frequency of expressing needs and emotions • Both biologically and genetically based Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 22

Temperament • Certain characteristics – Are present at birth and remain stable over time – Develop based on events that take place during life • Personality at any age reflects an interaction between temperament and the environment Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 23

Unconscious Influences • Unconscious mind is a vast storehouse of forgotten memories, desires, ideas, and frustrations • Can have a powerful influence on behavior • Unconsciousness influences conscious decision-making • Childhood experience can cause emotions out of proportion to a current situation Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 24

Transactional Analysis (TA) • Unconscious childhood memories can bring out emotions • The brain acts like a two-track stereo tape recorder that records – events – feelings associated with events • Incorporated into many corporate training programs Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 25

Cultural Conditioning • Culture is what we see and hear so often it becomes reality • Shapes nearly every aspect of behavior and mental processes Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 26

Cultural Conditioning • Often associated with a country • Most countries multicultural • US subcultures include – African American – Hispanic American – Asian American – American Indian Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 27

Cultural Conditioning • Cultural influences have a dramatic effect on American adults and children • An example – Interpersonal violence in the United States is the highest among the industrialized countries – Too much violence makes it difficult to achieve emotional balance Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 28

Important Roles of Emotions • It is important to remain open to the full range of emotions that influence our thinking and behavior • Emotional undercurrents are present in every aspect of our work • Separating our mental and emotional energies at work is very difficult because they are so intertwined Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 29

Coping with Your Anger and the Anger of Others • Anger is the thoughts, feelings, physical reactions, and actions that result from the unacceptable behavior of others • Anger often triggers hostility • Learning to deal with anger is key to – Healthy relationships – Physical and mental health Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 30

Managing Your Anger • Anger can take control of people and cause them to make poor decisions • Learning to deal with anger and anger of others is a sophisticated and mature skill people should learn Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 31

Appropriate Expressions of Anger • Reduces anxiety and help you get rid of unhealthy stress • Improves communication by letting the other person know exactly how you feel Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 32

Managing Your Anger • The first step in anger management is to monitor your anger – How often do you get angry each day? – What are the causes of irritation in your life? – How upsetting is each episode of anger? – How well do you manage each episode? Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 33

Managing Your Anger • Use a diary or journal to determine the impact of anger in your life – Record source of irritation and the feelings that surface – Record the behaviors you display when angry • People who monitor their behavior carefully see positive results Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 34

Effective Ways to Express Your Anger • Buddha says: – You will not be

Effective Ways to Express Your Anger • Expressing anger can be therapeutic • Many people are unsure about the best way to self-disclose this emotion • Appropriate expression improves the chances of accurate reception and response Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 36

Effective Ways to Express Your Anger Strategies • Avoid reacting in a manner that could be seen as emotionally unstable • Do not make accusations or attempt to fix blame Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 37

Effective Ways to Express Your Anger Strategies • Express your feelings in a timely manner • Be specific as you describe the factors that triggered your anger, and be clear about the resolution you are seeking Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 38

Total Person Insight Learning to develop respectful relationships at work is perhaps the most important work-related skill we can develop. Robert Rosell President, Quality Media Resources, Inc. Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 39

How to Handle Other People’s Anger • Dealing with other people’s anger may be the most difficult human relations challenge • Learned skills can be applied to any situation where anger is a threat to a relationship Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 40

How to Handle Other People’s Anger • Recognize and accept the other person’s anger • Encourage the angry person to vent feelings • Do not respond to an angry person with anger • Give the angry person feedback Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 41

Violence in the Workplace • Ranked as the number one concern by security officials • Workplace murder is second leading cause of death on the job • Fear of workplace violence reduces productivity Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 42

Violence in the Workplace • Workplace violence encompasses a wide range of behaviors including – Hostile remarks – Intimidation through stalking – Physical assaults – Threatening phone calls – Homicide Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 43

Violence in the Workplace • Can be triggered by – Loss of job – Conflict between employee and management – Personal tragedy – Abusive behavior by supervisors – Rigid, autocratic, impersonal work environment Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 44

Violence in the Workplace • Abusive behavior by supervisors – Verbal and physical threats

Employee Sabotage • Employee sabotage is a problem throughout corporate America • Employee misconduct combined with an edge of revenge • Many employees act out anger rather than discuss it Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 46

Employee Sabotage • Employee sabotage may involve: – Deliberate nonperformance – Financial fraud – Slander – Destruction of equipment – Arson – Computer crimes Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 47

Employee Sabotage • Sabotage is committed most often by employees who: – Have unresolved grievances – Want to advance by making others look less qualified – Want to get even for real or imagined mistreatment Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 48

Preventing Workplace Violence • Use hiring procedures that screen out unsuitable persons • Develop a strategy for dealing with incidents before they actually occur • If someone must be fired or laid off, do so in a way that does not demoralize the employee Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 49

Preventing Workplace Violence • Provide out-placement services for laidoff or terminated employees • Establish a systematic way to deal with disgruntled employees • Provide supervisors and managers with training that will help them prevent workplace violence and deal effectively with it Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 50

Emotional Styles • Emotional style starts taking shape before you were born and evolves over a period of many years • You are likely to display one of four different emotional styles Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 51

Suppressing Your Emotions • Many learn to suppress their feelings • Some develop intellectual strategies to avoid dealing directly with emotional reactions • Mental and physical health problems can develop Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 52

Suppressing Your Emotions • Problems traced to suppressed emotions – Headaches – Asthma –

Capitulating to Your Emotions • People see themselves as helpless victims of feelings that they cannot control • Responsibility for a problem assigned to external causes while the person suffers in silence • Often overly concerned about attitudes and opinions of others Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 54

Overexpressing Your Emotions • Frequently displays lack of emotional control – Use of foul language – Flared tempers – Raised voices – Teary eyes • Quick way to damage one’s image at work Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 55

Overexpressing Your Emotions • Write down rather than express emotions – Use journal or write and throw paper away • Releases toxic feelings • Prepares to deal constructively with situation Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 56

Accommodating Your Emotions • Accommodation means that a person is willing to – recognize, accept, and experience emotions – attempt to react in ways appropriate to the situation Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 57

Accommodating Your Emotions • Integrates one’s feelings and the thinking process • “Think before

Gender Differences in Emotional Style • Men and women often differ in emotional style • Women see men as too rational and insensitive • Men see women as too emotional Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 59

Gender Differences in Emotional Style • Differences can be attributed to – Early learning – Conditioning – Expectations of family • Important for each person respect the other person’s style Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 60

Strategies for Achieving Emotional Control • We have a certain amount of each energy everyday – Mental – Emotional – Physical • We can learn to discipline the mind to banish thoughts that waste energy Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 61

Identifying Your Emotional Patterns • Taking time to study emotional patterns helps predict or anticipate an emotional response – Record them in a journal – Set aside quiet time to reflect on your emotional patterns – Make a chart of your emotions throughout day – Repeat process over several days Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 62

Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style • After identifying emotional patterns you want to change, consider ways to finetune your emotional style • There are four things you can do beginning today! Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 63

Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style • Take responsibility for your emotions – How you view your emotional difficulties will have a major impact on how you deal with them. Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 64

Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style • Put your problems into proper perspective – When faced with unpleasant events, pause and ask “Is this problem worth getting upset about? ” Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 65

Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style • Take steps to move beyond negative emotions such as envy, anger, jealousy and hatred – When anger dominates your life, therapy, counseling, or membership in a support group may provide relief. Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 66

Fine-Tuning Your Emotional Style • Give your feelings some exercise – Leo Buscaglia recommends that we “Exercise feelings. Feelings have meaning only as they are expressed in action. ” Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 67

Total Person Insight It’s unfortunate that we’re never really taught how to show emotion in ways that help our relationships. Instead, we’re usually told what we should not do. However, too little emotion can make our lives seem empty and boring, while too much emotion, poorly expressed, fills our interpersonal lives with conflict and grief. Within reason, some kind of balance in the expression of emotion seems to be called for. Gerard Egan Author, You and Me Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 68

Summary • Our emotions help us cope with our environment • Emotions are feelings that influence our thinking and behavior • Emotional undercurrents are present in every area of an organization Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 69

Summary • Our emotional development is influenced by our – Temperament – Unconscious mind – Cultural conditioning • All of these contribute to our emotional competence Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 70

Summary • We learn to express anger and other emotions • Appropriate expressions of anger – Contributes to improved interpersonal relations – Helps reduce anxiety – Gives an outlet for unhealthy stress • We must learn to handle other’s anger too Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 71

Summary • Increase in workplace violence in recent years • Steps can be taken

Summary • To achieve emotional balance, we start with an examination of our emotional style • Four different emotional styles – Suppressing emotions – Capitulating to emotions – Overexpressing emotions – Accommodating emotions Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 73

Summary • Emotional control is an important dimension of emotional style • Begin developing emotional control by identifying your current emotional patterns • The process of self-examination can help you find ways to fine-tune your emotional style Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 74