Chapter Interpersonal Relationship Skills Interpersonal Relationships Are Important

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Chapter Interpersonal Relationship Skills

Chapter Interpersonal Relationship Skills

Interpersonal Relationships Are Important l Family members, friends, co-workers l Range from intimate to

Interpersonal Relationships Are Important l Family members, friends, co-workers l Range from intimate to casual l Communication is a key element to ensure interpersonal satisfaction.

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Description (Supportive) – Messages to explain feelings, reactions and

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Description (Supportive) – Messages to explain feelings, reactions and needs – Ex. “I need to take a break. ” l Evaluation (Defensive) – Messages that judge, blame or criticize – Ex. “You gave me unclear directions. ”

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Problem orientation (Supportive) – Point of view you share

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Problem orientation (Supportive) – Point of view you share that says “we” have a problem and “we” can find a solution. l Control (Defensive) – Conflict situation where you expect the other person to change – Does not result in a win-win outcome

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Spontaneity (Supportive) – Genuine, natural way of communicating with

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Spontaneity (Supportive) – Genuine, natural way of communicating with honesty and openness l Strategy (Defensive) – Involves manipulation, tricks or a planned script rather than free-flowing, open communication

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Empathy (Supportive) – Communicates respect, understanding and acceptance –

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Empathy (Supportive) – Communicates respect, understanding and acceptance – Consider “If I were you, how would I feel? ” l Neutrality (Defensive) – Expresses a lack of concern with a detached, impersonal tone – Can result from a lack of first-hand experience or selfcenteredness

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Equality (Supportive) – Sense of value and mutual respect

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Equality (Supportive) – Sense of value and mutual respect regardless of power, status or position – You perceive worth regardless of differences that may exist l Superiority (Defensive) – Involves looking down on others, creating feelings of inadequacy, fault or failure

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Provisionalism (Supportive) – Refers to an open-minded view of

Supportive and Defensive Relationships l Provisionalism (Supportive) – Refers to an open-minded view of new ideas, trying new behaviors and seeking new solutions – Made possible by creative solutions to problems l Certainty (Defensive) – Characterized by a closed-minded, know-it-all view of the world with no need for changes

Be Assertive l Assertive – Stating what you think, feel, want or need in

Be Assertive l Assertive – Stating what you think, feel, want or need in a way that is direct, honest and respectful of others – Builds trust, helps prevent conflicts, gets needs met – Most conducive to a supportive style of communication l Aggressive – Stating thoughts, feelings, wants or needs directly and honestly but disrespectfully – Can prevent conflict by fostering avoidance – Type A v. Type B

Be Assertive l Non-Assertive – Respecting others while stating your thoughts, feelings, wants or

Be Assertive l Non-Assertive – Respecting others while stating your thoughts, feelings, wants or needs indirectly or not at all – Avoid conflict, easy to please, cooperative team players – Can’t get needs met, may feel resentful

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Behavior Descriptions – Factual description of the behavior causing the

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Behavior Descriptions – Factual description of the behavior causing the problem – Observation’s of another’s action in specific and observable terms – Receiver knows precisely what behavior you are reacting to – Also describe positive behavior

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Behavior Descriptions should: – Report only behaviors you can observe

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Behavior Descriptions should: – Report only behaviors you can observe with your senses – Exclude evaluation of the behavior or what you believe may be the motives that prompted the behavior – Be specific and tentative rather than general and absolute

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Problems with Behavior Descriptions – Using general, “fuzzy termed” statements

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Problems with Behavior Descriptions – Using general, “fuzzy termed” statements – Presenting inferences about other’s motives, feelings, etc. – Including character assassinations, profanity, etc. – Using absolute terms such as “never, ” “always” – Extending the description to include more than one act

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Feeling Messages – Statement of your feelings in response to

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Feeling Messages – Statement of your feelings in response to the behavior – Contain “I” statements to claim ownership of and responsibility for the feelings you express – Identify precise feeling you’re experiencing

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Problems with Feeling Messages – – – – Misplaced ownership

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Problems with Feeling Messages – – – – Misplaced ownership when using “you, ” “it, ” “they” for “I” Using “feel” when you really mean “think” Tell how you don’t feel Give a forecast of your future feelings Start with “I feel like” or “I feel that” Using trite expressions, such as “I’m sorry” Combining skillful feelings messages with unskillful messages

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Consequence Statements – Identification of the tangible consequences you are

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Consequence Statements – Identification of the tangible consequences you are experiencing as a result of the behavior l Time l Money l Work l Possessions l Effectiveness l Health and Safety

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Consequence Statements – Will answer the question “why? ” –

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Consequence Statements – Will answer the question “why? ” – “because I have to pay a higher bill I can’t afford. ” – “because it will take me more time. ” – “because I wasn’t able to concentrate. ”

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Request Statements – Statement of request as a possible solution

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Request Statements – Statement of request as a possible solution to the problem – Polite statements that directly and specifically ask someone to modify his or her behavior – Goal is to get your needs met and maintain the relationship

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Request Statements – Should be direct – what you need,

Four-Part Assertion Messages l Request Statements – Should be direct – what you need, want – Must be specific – Must allow for a freedom of response