Chapter 9 Skills for Exploring Feelings Rationale for

Chapter 9 Skills for Exploring Feelings Rationale for Exploring Feelings 1

Rationale for Exploring Feelings Carl Rogers argues that feelings are a key part of our existence p. 176 • • Feelings are at least as important as content or thoughts in client communication. Ibid. • The primary skill of this chapter focuses on reflection of feelings. P. 179 Four skills: Reflection of feelings Disclosure of feelings Open questions & probes about feelings Focusing 2

Rationale for Exploring Feelings • Feelings are at least as important as content or thoughts in client communication • Experiencing feelings allows clients to evaluate events in terms of their inner experiencing • clients expression of emotions enables helpers to know and understand the client • If clients experience, accept, and own their emotions they can become open to new feelings and Experiences…which can lead eventually to feelings of acceptance and peace. P. 177 3

Rationale for Exploring Feelings • Clients do not have to act on their feelings • In fact, being aware of one’s feelings makes one less likely to act on them unintentionally. In contrast, unaccepted feelings are likely to “leak” out, sometimes in destructive ways. P. 177 • Example: Service members with PTSD may leak out at the least opportune moment. Like a Dam bursting p. 177 • Feelings are rarely simple or straightforward. • Anger, sadness, fear, shame, pain, and hurt seem to be the most important emotions involved in therapeutic change. • Sometimes emotions exist in layers. P. 178 (Greenberg) 4

Reflection of Feelings • A reflection of feelings is a repeating or rephrasing of the client’s statements, including an explicit identification of feelings. The client may state them or the helper may infer. • Helpful hints: • Listen for underlying feelings • Capture the most salient feeling to reflect • Reflect only one feeling at a time • State the feeling tentatively, with empathy and without Judgement. KISS 5

Benefits of Reflecting Feelings • Client may not have words to express what they are feeling. • Help a client rethink and reexamine. • Reflections validate feelings. • Reflections can help a client learn to express feelings, where they may have been unable to do that before. • Reflections show active engagement by the listener. • Reflections help build relationships. 6

How to know what someone is feeling • Verbal clues • non-verbal clues • Client projections • Who says a feeling reflected is accurate? • How do you know? 7

How to reflect feelings Clients need to feel safe in a therapeutic relationship to risk delving into their feelings. They must know they will not be disparaged, embarrassed, or shamed but rather accepted, valued, and respected when they reveal themselves. • Helpers should vary the way they tentatively identify a feeling: I wonder… Perhaps… You sound… Could you be feeling… It sounds like… So you’re feeling… And that made you feel… My hunch is that you feel… 8

How to reflect feelings Using a metaphor instead of a feeling word can also be helpful because metaphors often capture the imagination and express feeling in pictures in a way that engages the senses. P. 183 • The key is to stay in the “now” with the client, helping the client navigate the ebb and flow of feelings. Allow for time to absorb and reflect, not rush through feelings. P. 184 Go to page 185 -188 for a list of Emotion words. 9

Skills for Exploring Feelings Sometimes clients are aware of their feelings and express them openly • • • Sometimes verbal content is your clue to feelings • A major source of feeling clues are nonverbal behaviors • Finally, our own feelings expressed in the idea, If I were in the shoes of the client, how would I feel? 10

Skills for Exploring Feelings We don’t have to be 100% accurate but should be In the ballpark • • Helpers are rarely accurate with every reflection because it • is so difficult to understand another person • An additional concern is that the client may accept the helper’s reflection as accurate simply because the helper is in a position of authority. • A client may feel a need to resist if the reflections are presented too adamantly See Hill p. 189 -190 11

Skills for Exploring Feelings • When do you reflect feelings? P. 190 -191 • There is a bond between the helper and the client • Both agree on working on feelings • A client is avoiding feelings • A client behaves maladaptively • A client needs to reprocess traumatic experiences 12

Skills for Exploring Feelings • When is it not appropriate to reflect feelings? P. 191 • Weak therapeutic relationship • Client is overwhelmed by emotion due to severe emotional disorder, delusional thinking, or extreme anger • Client has severe emotional crisis • • Client has a history of aggression, falling apart, substance abuse, self-harm, not able to regulate emotion • Client shows strong resistance • Not enough time • Lack of helper experience 13

Difficulties helpers experience in Reflecting Feelings • Nervous helper • Fear • Take a deep breath and focus on the client • Client reluctance • Can you separate your own feelings from the client? • Too definite in reflecting • See Clara Hill, pages 192 -194 14

Exploring Feelings When is self-disclosure appropriate? Disclosures can model a feeling the client is struggling with Disclosures can stimulate clients to recognize their feelings Disclosure can help clients overcome shame or embarrassment P. 194 -195 15

Exploring Feelings Open Questions and Probes about feelings: This is given advisedly because the helper is asking for an open question regarding feelings A helper must maintain a caring and facilitative attitude when using questions and probes A method to do this is to replace the feeling word with an open question/probe: “How do you feel about…” 16

Exploring Feelings through focusing The following can help a client: focus on a vague feeling have the client close their eyes and concentrate, focus on breathing breathe slowly from the diaphragm, then query for feelings pause and ask what is going on right now pause again, what comes to you then when a feeling is identified, ask for clarification (see Hill pages 199 -200) 17

Open ideas for Thought • Feeling exploration can be sensitive, personal and even personally threatening. • Feeling exploration can also be liberating, enlightening, uplifting and surprising. • Tread with care and high regard as you find personal holy ground with those you serve. 18