Chapter 7 Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships
- Slides: 29
Chapter 7 Love and Communication in Intimate Relationships
What Is Love? • Difficult to define and/or measure – Special attitude with behavioral and emotional components – Different things to different people – Difficult to measure
Types of Love • Passionate Love – – – – Also known as romantic love or infatuation Intense psychological feelings Generalized physiological arousal Strong sexual desire Avoid conflict Feelings of completeness Short-lived
Types of Love • Companionate Love – – Less intense than passionate love Friendly affection and deep attachment Familiarity and tolerance for short-comings More enduring than passionate love
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love • Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment are three love components – Passion builds then fades – Intimacy and commitment continue to build • Variations in components yield different kinds of love – Intimacy alone = friendship – Passion alone = infatuation – Commitment alone = empty love
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Lee’s Styles of Loving • • • Romantic (eros) Game-playing (ludus) Possessive (mania) Compassionate (storge) Altruistic (agape) Pragmatic (pragma) • Hypothesis that relationship success is influenced by compatibility in styles of loving
Falling in Love • The chemistry of love – Neurotransmitters • • Norepinephrine Dopamine Phenylethylamine (PEA) Oxytocin – Endorphins – Loss of romantic love and neurotransmitter withdrawal
Falling in Love Proximity • Proximity – Mere exposure effect • Familiarity breeds liking or loving – Greater proximity often reflects shared interests
Falling in Love Similarity • Similarity – Level of physical attractiveness – Age, educational status, and religion – Race and ethnicity • Why Similarity? • • Share similar interests and activities Communicate better Confirm own views and experiences Supportive of values and beliefs
Role of Similarity in Relationships
Falling in Love Reciprocity • Reciprocity – When someone shows they like us, we tend to like them back – Increases in self-esteem – Increases likelihood of relationship enduring
Falling in Love Physical Attractiveness • Physical Attractiveness – – – Belief that “what’s beautiful is good” Offer status by association Most important in early stages May be an indicator of physical health Heterosexual males place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness
Attachment • Attachment: Intense emotional tie between two individuals • Adult attachments are influenced by our attachment to caregiver in infancy – Attachment Style (Ainsworth) • • Secure attachment Insecure attachment Anxious-ambivalent attachment Avoidant attachment
Attachment • Attachment styles in adulthood – Paired couples often are similar in their attachment styles – Attachment style affects interaction in relationship
Attachment Styles and Relationships
Issues in Loving Relationships • Relationship between love and sex – Relationship between the two is not always clear • Consider “hook-ups” and “friends with benefits” – Questions to ask: • Does sexual intimacy deepen a love relationship? • Do men and women have different views of sex and love?
Sexual Orientation Attitudes About Love and Sex • Stereotype same-sex relationships as primarily sexual – Generally seek loving, trusting, and caring relationships that embrace many dimensions of sharing • Sex differences among lesbians and gay men are consistent with general sex difference in attitudes toward love and sex – Gay men are more likely than lesbians to separate love from sex – Lesbians more likely to postpone sex until intimacy has been established
Jealousy in Relationships • Jealousy-prone person – Low self-esteem – High value on wealth and popularity • Negative consequences – Precipitates partner violence – Stifles relationship development – Raises anxiety, depression, and anger • Sex differences – Women more likely to acknowledge feelings of jealousy – Men tend to focus more on sexual involvement with another
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction • Ingredients in a lasting love relationship – – Self-acceptance Appreciation of each other’s qualities Commitment Good communication, realistic expectations, and shared interests – Ability to face and deal with conflict
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction • Characteristics of high quality relationships – – – Supportive communication Companionship Sexual expression and variety Seeing partner as best friend Maintaining frequent positive interaction
Maintaining Relationship Satisfaction • Sexual Variety – – Communication is critical Be spontaneous Plan for intimate time Don’t worry about frequency “standards”
Communication Patterns in Relationships • Gottman’s constructive communication tactics – Leveling and editing – Validating – Volatile dialogue • Gottman’s destructive communication tactics – – – Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling Belligerence
Discovering Partner’s Needs • Ask questions – Yes/No questions – Open-ended questions – Either/Or questions • • Self-disclosure Discuss sexual preferences Give permission Learn to make requests
Taking Responsibility • Make requests specific • Use “I” language • Expressing and receiving complaints – – – – Choose right time and place Temper complaints with praise Avoid “why” questions Limit to one complaint per discussion Ask clarifying questions Express your feelings Focus on future changes
Talking: Getting Started • Reading and discussing • Sharing sexual histories • Listening and feedback – – Active listening Providing feedback Maintaining eye contact Support communication efforts
Saying No • Three step approach – Show appreciation for invitation – Say no in a clear, unequivocal fashion – Offer alternatives
Non-Verbal Sexual Communication • • Facial expressions Interpersonal distance Touching Sounds
- Define the relationship ch 7
- Intimate family chapter 7
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- Intimacy after incarceration
- Intimate zone in communication
- Intimate zone in communication
- Love love jesus is love god greatest gift lyrics
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- Intimate family chapter 6
- Intimate family chapter 2
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- Chapter 6 communication and relationships
- Meaning of intimate
- Consultative register examples
- Dewgarden foaming intimate wash benefits
- Scary antonym
- Me line 02 intimate
- Relationship guidelines chapter 8
- The spyware used in intimate partner violence
- The salvation of man is through love and in love
- That you must love me and love my dog summary
- Types of love languange
- Passionate love vs companionate love
- Passionate love vs companionate love
- Infatuation v love
- What is crush in love
- Infatuation
- Love is blind corinthians
- Companionate love vs consummate love
- Types of love