Chapter 6 Emotional Intelligence What is EQ Emotional

Chapter 6 Emotional Intelligence

What is EQ (Emotional Intelligence)? The ability to monitor one’s own and other’s emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s own thinking and actions.

EQ vs IQ l IQ remains relatively fixed for an individual’s lifetime l EQ can increase over in an individual’s lifespan

How Did EQ Become Popular? l l In the past, natural intelligence or “book smarts” would have been considered the key to success In 1990, two psychologists from the University of New Hampshire and Yale University (Jack Mayer and Peter Salovey) published academic papers on Emotional Intelligence

How Did EQ Become Popular? l l In 1995, Daniel Goleman used the information from those academic papers and created a best selling book titled “Emotional Intelligence” The book was considered revolutionary because it asserted that Emotional Intelligence was more influential in one’s success than natural intelligence

IQ vs EQ IQ EQ Gets you through school Gets you through life Comes by genes, can not be developed Can be developed Measurable Wonders ‘what’ Hard to measure Wonders ‘how & why’ Appeals to reason Appeals to emotions

Abilities involved in EQ l l l Self-awareness: recognizing a feeling as it Selfhappens Self- regulation: Handling your emotions rather than letting the emotions handle you. Motivation: Channeling emotions to reach a goal; taking initiative and striving to improve; persevere when faced with setbacks and frustrations.

Abilities involved in EQ con’t l l Empathy: Sensitivity to others’ feelings and concerns and taking their perspective; compassion; appreciating the differences in how people feel about things. Social Skills: Ability to accurately read social situations and interact smoothly with others.

Competencies for Emotional Intelligence Personal Competence l Self-Awareness – – – l Social Competence l Emotional awareness Accurate self-assessment Self-confidence – – – Self-Management – – – – Self-control Trustworthiness Integrity Adaptability Achievement drive (Motivation) Commitment Initiative Optimism Social Awareness – l Understanding others (Empathy) Service orientation Leveraging diversity Political awareness Relationship Management – – – – Influence Developing others Conflict management Inspirational Leadership Change catalyst Building networks Collaboration & cooperation (Goleman, et al 2002)

Question #1 1. You are very tired and have a lot of studying to do when your boss asks you to work late. You respond by saying: A: Sorry, I can’t. B: I’d really like to help you, but tonight is a bad night for me.

Answer: l l l The best answer is “B”. The reason “B” is a better answer is because it lets the person know you have a desire to help them, you are acknowledging their need. Saying “I’d really like to help you” makes a big difference in this response.

Question #2 Your college professor asks you to pair off with a person sitting near you. You react by: A: Sitting and waiting for someone to introduce him or herself. B: Introducing yourself to the person next to you.

Answer #2 l l Obviously, “B” is the better choice. Many people are uncomfortable making the initial contact with new people. But, the higher your EQ, the greater your ability to overcome your discomfort and make others feel comfortable.

Question #3 You buy your lunch in the cafeteria and sit down to eat with a friend. You notice there is a girl a few seats down who is eating alone. You respond by: A: Ignoring the person and talking with your friend. B: Introducing yourself and inviting the person to sit with you.

Answer #3 l l The better choice is B. Similar to the previous question, it may seem like an uncomfortable situation, but the higher your EQ the greater your ability to befriend people.

Question #4 l You notice your mother is somewhat impatient and appears to be very tired. You decide to: A: Ask her how she is doing and if there is anything you can do to help her. B: Don’t ask anything, and assume that if she needs something, she’ll ask you.

Answer #4 l l l The better answer is A. “A” shows a concern for her well-being. Sometimes just asking a person about their feelings lets them know you care. It is also better because there is an offer to somehow assist her in improving her situation. It shows willingness to help.

Question #5 l Which statement best describes you? A: I never forget a birthday of a friend or relative. B: I try to remember people’s birthdays, but it’s hard to keep up with and I don’t always do it.

Answer #5 l l l A is the better answer. Remembering information about other people signifies to those people that you care about them. Whether it is a birthday, an anniversary or other special event for them, you are letting them know you think about them.

Question #6 l You are having a friend and his new girlfriend for dinner. Before inviting them: l A: Call and make sure they both like what you are making and that you have been respectful to diet restrictions (veggie, diabetic, etc. ) B: Go to the market and buy your favorite foods. l

Answer #6 l l l A is a better choice. “A” shows that you recognize that the girlfriend is new to your social crowd. She may feel shy or uncomfortable, and you don’t want to compound that by her not being able to eat with everyone. It shows a solid ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Question #7 l When someone buys you a gift, you: A: Make sure to get them a “Thank You” Note promptly. B: Normally forget the “Thank You” note, but try to remember to say it in person.

Answer #7 l l Emotionally intelligent people not only make attempts to treat other’s well, they also sincerely appreciate thoughtfulness of friends and family. Emotionally intelligent people always acknowledge the kindness of others.

Question #8 l When driving in your car, if another driver is driving poorly, you generally: A: Ignore it and keep driving. B: Become angry and aggressive.

Answer #8 l l l Obviously, “A” is the better answer. Being emotionally intelligent shows an ability to acknowledge and manage your emotions. You “know when to choose your battles”

Question #9 l If someone criticizes you, how do you react? A: Become defensive and critical to the person criticizing you. B: Inquire as to why the person is not happy with you, try to discern if the complaint is reasonable.

Answer #9 l l l The better answer is B, although it is difficult to do this. People often feel attacked when they are criticize and they react by attacking back. Emotionally intelligent people realize they are not always perfect and seek to learn the truth about their strengths and weaknesses, rather than attack the messenger.

Question #10 l Which better describes you? A: I never forget a name or a face. B: I’m always forgetting people’s names and what they look like.

Answer #10 l l l Obviously, the better answer is A. Emotionally intelligent people remember details about other people. They know that it makes other people feel good, and tend to like them more, when they remember information about them.