Chapter 5 Selecting a Partner Discussion What do

Chapter 5: Selecting a Partner

Discussion What do you see as the main criteria when searching for a mate?

Cultural Aspects of Mate Selection • • Fewer than 1% of persons marry someone outside their race. 1967 Supreme Court ruled mixed marriage was legal • Endogamy - cultural expectation to marry within one’s social group(race, religion, social class) • Exogamy – cultural expectation to marry outside one’s own family group. • You can’t marry siblings, cousins, parent & child

Sociological Factors Operative in Mate Selection • The homogamy theory of mate selection states that we tend to be attracted to and become involved with those who are similar to us in age, race, religion, and social class. • The more couples have in common, the higher the reported relationship satisfaction and the more durable the relationship.

Homogamy “like selects like” 1. Race 2. Age - marriage squeeze: imbalance of the ratio of marriageable- aged men to marriageable- aged women. 3. Intelligence- women give higher priority 4. Education 5. Open-Mindedness 6. Social Class- mating gradient: tendency for husbands to be more advanced than wives in age, education, occupational success 7. Physical Appearance 8. Career 9. Marital status- never married select never married, divorced select divorced 10. Religion/Spirituality/Politics 11. Personality 12. Circadian Preference 13. Traditional roles 14. Geographic background 15. Economic values Page 158

Complimentary Needs Theory • • • States that we select mates whose needs are opposite and complementary to our own. Opposites attract Responsible + irresponsible Messy+ neat Nurturance+ receptivity Dominant+ submissive

Exchange Theory • Mate selection is based on who offers the greatest rewards at the lowest cost: • Rewards - Behaviors and resources that • • influence you to continue the relationship. Cost - Unpleasant aspects of the relationship. Profit - When rewards exceed costs. Loss - When costs exceed rewards. Alternative - Does another person offer a higher profit margin?

Role Theory • • focuses on the social learning of roles A son will select a partner similar to his mother A daughter will select a partner similar to her father Do you want to marry a person that has similar characteristics like your mother or father?

Personality Characteristics What type of personality characteristic do you want to have in a mate?

Sociobiology Men and women select mates on the basis of their concern for producing offspring. Men look for a young, healthy, attractive, sexually conservative woman who will produce healthy children and take care of them. Women look for an ambitious man with good economic capacity who will invest resources in her children. Page 168

Criticisms of Sociobioloby • • Women show concern for the earning capacity of men because they have been denied access to similar economic resources. Both women and men think about their partners more as companions than as future parents of their offspring.

Engagement “A happy wife sometimes has the best husband, but more often makes the best of the husband she has. ” -Unknown • Engagement: Time in which the romantic partners are sexually monogamous, committed to marry, and focused on wedding preparations.

Engagement Premarital Counseling • • Some clergy require one or more sessions of premarital counseling as a prerequisite to agreeing to marry the couple. In addition to seeing a counselor or completing self-help tests, many individuals get advice from friends, parents, and religious leaders.

Engagement • Premarital Education Programs and Counseling • Some premarital couples attend the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program (PREP). • Couples who learned how to communicate and negotiate conflict been less likely than a control group to divorce or separate. • They also report greater marital satisfaction, fewer conflicts, and less physical violence.

Engagement Visiting Partner’s Parents • If you want to know what your partner may be like in the future, look at his or her parent of the same sex. • If you want to know how your partner is likely to treat you in the future, observe the way your partner’s parent of the same sex treats and interacts with his or her spouse.

Prenuptial agreement Designed to specify how property will be divided if the marriage ends in divorce or by the death of one partner Would you agree to a prenuptial agreement if your partner asked you for one?

Consider Calling Off the Wedding If… • Age 18 or Younger Individuals who marry in their teens have a greater risk of divorce. • Known Partner Less Than Two Years Partners who date at least two years before getting married report the highest level of marital satisfaction.

Consider Calling Off the Wedding If… Abusive Relationship Partners who emotionally and/or physically abuse their partners while dating continue this in marriage. Numerous Significant Differences Persons who report the greatest degree of satisfaction in relationships have a great deal in common.

Consider Calling Off the Wedding If… On-and-Off Relationship Couples who routinely break up and get back together should examine the issues that recur in their relationship. Dramatic Parental Disapproval If the parents of either partner disapprove of, the partners should try to evaluate these concerns objectively.

Consider Calling Off the Wedding If… Low Sexual Satisfaction Sexual satisfaction is linked to relationship satisfaction, love, and commitment.

Marrying for the Wrong Reason • Examples include: • • Rebound Escape Unanticipated pregnancy Psychological blackmail Insurance benefits Pity Filling a void Page 180

Love, attraction and our brain http: //www. ted. com/talks/helen_fisher _studies_the_brain_in_love. html 15 minutes Ted Talk Helen Fisher

Undesirable Characteristics of a Potential Mate A. Controlling B. Perfectionist • Not satisfied • Find things wrong w/themselves & others • Nothing is good enough C. Unhappy • Personal happiness=relationship happiness

Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce C. Hypersensitivity When any negative statement or criticism is received with a greater impact than intended, couples lose the ability to talk through problems. D. Inflated ego Someone with an inflated sense of self may be less likely to consider the other person’s opinion in a conflict and prefer to dictate an outcome.

Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce F. Narcissism Individuals high on narcissism view relationships in terms of what they get out of them. G. Substance Abuse Women labeled as “drunk” “stoner” less chance of finding a partner

Personality Characteristics Predictive of Divorce G. Insecurity - compromises marital happiness. H. Controlled Individuals who are controlled by their family, former partner, or whomever compromise the marriage because their allegiance is external to the relationship.