Chapter 4 Social Cognition Miller Intimate Relationships 6e

Chapter 4 Social Cognition Miller Intimate Relationships, 6/e Mc. Graw-Hill/Irwin 4 - Copyright (c) 2012 by The Mc. Graw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.

First Impressions (and Beyond) • First impressions have enormous staying power. They influence our judgments of others for a long time. Why? • We don’t start from scratch. – Everybody we meet fits some category of people about whom we already hold stereotyped first impressions: They’re male or female, pretty or plain, young or old… 4 -2

First Impressions (and Beyond) Then, primacy effects occur: The first information we obtain about others carries special weight, influencing our interpretations of the later information we encounter. 4 -3

First Impressions (and Beyond) First impressions also affect our choices of the new information we seek. A confirmation bias is typical: We’re more likely to pursue information that will confirm our beliefs than to inquire after data that could prove them wrong. 4 -4

First Impressions (and Beyond) We too rarely confront convincing evidence that our first impressions are wrong. As a result, we tend to be overconfident: We put too much faith in our judgments, and think that we’re right about others more often than we really are. We make more mistakes than we realize. 4 -5

The Power of Perceptions • Idealizing Our Partners We often judge our lovers with positive illusions that portray them in the best possible light, emphasizing their positive qualities and minimizing their faults. 4 -6

The Power of Perceptions • Idealizing Our Partners We judge our lovers more positively than other people do, and those perceptions are associated with greater satisfaction, love, trust, and commitment as time goes by. 4 -7

The Power of Perceptions • Attributional Processes Attributions are our explanations of events. They identify the causes of events, emphasizing the role of some influences and minimizing the role of others. 4 -8

The Power of Perceptions • Attributional Processes We can emphasize influences that are: – Internal to a person, such as personality or mood, or external, describing the situation the person faced. – Stable and lasting, or unstable and temporary. – Controllable, so that we can manage or influence them, or uncontrollable, so there’s nothing we can do about them. 4 -9

The Power of Perceptions • Attributional Processes The actor/observer effect: People generate different explanations for their own actions than they do for the similar actions they observe in others. As actors, we note external pressures, but as observers, we make internal attributions. 4 -10

The Power of Perceptions • Attributional Processes The actor/observer effect means that partners will often agree about what each of them did, but typically disagree about why each of them did it. Ø Even our closest partners seldom comprehend all of our reasons for why we behave as we do. 4 -11

The Power of Perceptions • Attributional Processes Self-serving biases lead people to see themselves as responsible for the good things that happen to them, but as relatively blameless when things go wrong. Ø People routinely believe that relationship problems are mostly the other partner’s fault. 4 -12

The Power of Perceptions • Attributional Processes Relationship Enhancing attributions help maintain relationship satisfaction by giving partners credit for their kindnesses and explaining away their misbehavior. Distress Maintaining attributions are used by unhappy partners to explain one another’s behavior in ways that maintain their distress. 4 -13

The Power of Perceptions • Memories Our memories are not DVDs that store past facts in a pristine state. The term reconstructive memory is used to describe the fact that our memories are continually revised and rewritten as new events occur. 4 -14

The Power of Perceptions • Memories Ø Partners’ current feelings about each other influence what they remember about their shared past. By misremembering the past, partners can remain optimistic about their future: We’ve had some problems in the past, but things are better now… 4 -15

The Power of Perceptions • Relationship Beliefs Romanticism is the view that love should be the most important basis for choosing a mate: • • Our love will be nearly perfect. There’s only one “true love” for me. True love will find a way to overcome any obstacle. Love is possible at first sight. 4 -16

The Power of Perceptions • Relationship Beliefs Other beliefs are dysfunctional and disadvantageous: • • • Disagreements are destructive. “Mindreading” is essential. Partners cannot change. Sex should be perfect every time. Men and women are different. Great relationships just happen. 4 -17

The Power of Perceptions • Relationship Beliefs Destiny beliefs assume that two people are either well -suited for each other and destined to live happily ever after, or they’re not. Growth beliefs assume that good relationships are a result of hard work. 4 -18

The Power of Perceptions • Relationship Beliefs • When conflict occurs (as it inevitably will), people who hold growth beliefs respond more constructively, remaining more optimistic about the future and more committed to the relationship. • Some assumptions can be so idealistic and starry-eyed that no relationship can measure up to them, and disappointment and distress are certain to follow. 4 -19

The Power of Perceptions • Expectations Ø We often get the reactions we expect from others. Self-fulfilling prophecies are false predictions that come true because they lead people to behave in ways that make the erroneous expectations come true. 4 -20

The Power of Perceptions • Expectations When they expected to be liked by a stranger, people were, And when they expected to be disliked, they were… …even when the stranger knew nothing about them, and the bogus expectations existed only in their own minds. (Curtis & Miller, 1986) 4 -21

The Power of Perceptions • Self-Perceptions Our self-concepts encompass all the beliefs and feelings we have about ourselves. – The self-enhancement motive leads us to seek feedback that makes us look good. – The self-verification motive leads us to seek feedback that supports and verifies our existing self-concepts. 4 -22

The Power of Perceptions • Self-Perceptions People with negative self-concepts want to move away from roommates who like and approve of them. People with negative self-concepts spend less time with and are less close to their spouses when the spouses like and approve of them. 4 -23

Impression Management Whether or not we’re thinking about it, we’re often engaging in impression management: trying to influence the impressions of us that others form. 4 -24

Impression Management Nearly anything we do in the presence of others may be strategically regulated to influence what they think of us. • • What we say What we wear How much we eat Even whether or not we wash our hands in a public restroom 4 -25

Impression Management • Strategies of Impression Management – Ingratiation – doing favors, paying compliments, and being friendly and charming to elicit liking from others. – Self-promotion – recounting accomplishments or displaying skills to elicit respect from others. 4 -26

Impression Management • Strategies of Impression Management – Ingratiation – seeking acceptance and liking from others. – Self-promotion – recounting our accomplishments or arranging public demonstrations of our skills – Intimidation – appearing threatening or dangerous to elicit fear and compliance from others. – Supplication – appearing inept or infirm to elicit help and nurturance from others. 4 -27

Impression Management in Close Relationships We usually go to less trouble to maintain favorable images for our intimate partners than we do for others. – We already know they like us, so there’s less motivation to gain approval. – They know us well, so there’s little we can do to affect what they think. – And some people simply get lazy and work less hard to be polite and charming. 4 -28

Impression Management in Close Relationships We also work to create desirable images of our partners – and our relationships – for others. Couples may fight bitterly on the way to a party, but try to appear perfectly happy once they arrive. 4 -29

Impression Management in Close Relationships Individual differences may also be important. High self-monitors pay close attention to social norms and adeptly adjust their behavior to fit. Low self-monitors are less flexible; they make more similar impressions from one audience to the next. 4 -30

Impression Management in Close Relationships High self-monitors are good at small talk. They enjoy higher intimacy when a new relationship begins. They have a wider circle of more diverse friends… …but they invest less of their time in each one of their relationships. They tend to have shorter, less committed relationships than low self-monitors do. 4 -31

So, Just How Well Do We Know Our Partners? How accurate are our perceptions of our partners? Ø We misunderstand our partners more than we realize. 4 -32

So, Just How Well Do We Know Our Partners? • Knowledge Intimate partners have detailed knowledge about each other… …and they do come to understand each other better as their relationship develops. 4 -33

So, Just How Well Do We Know Our Partners? • Motivation However, long periods of close contact gradually result in less, not more accuracy. Accurate judgments depend in part on the interest and motivation with which two people try to understand each other. 4 -34

So, Just How Well Do We Know Our Partners? • Partner Legibility Moreover, some people are easier to read than others are. Extraversion is easy to detect, but neuroticism is not. 4 -35

So, Just How Well Do We Know Our Partners? • Perceiver Ability Some judges are more discerning than others, too. There are big disadvantages to misreading your partner, but training and practice can help. 4 -36

So, Just How Well Do We Know Our Partners? • Threatening Perceptions There may things we do not want to know. The closer their relationship, the less accurate people were in judging their partners’ interest in other attractive people… …unless they had a preoccupied attachment style. (Does such accuracy lead to chronic anxiety? ) 4 -37

So, Just How Well Do We Know Our Partners? • Perceiver Influence If we realize that our partners are not the people we wish they were, we may try to change them. Due to perceiver influence, judgments that are initially inaccurate may become more correct as we induce our partners to become the people we want them to be. 4 -38

So, Just How Well Do We Know Our Partners? Right or wrong, our perceptions of our partners are clearly influential. If we think well of our partners and expect the best, we may be more likely to get it. Doubting our partners and expecting the worst may make it more likely that our relationships will fail. 4 -39

For Your Consideration Martha looked forward to meeting Gale, because those who knew her said that she was friendly, outgoing, and bright. But their paths happened to cross when Gale was suffering from a bad case of poison ivy; she was uncomfortable from the endless itching and drowsy from the allergy medicine, and altogether, she was having a really bad day. So, things did not go well when Martha said hello and introduced herself. Martha came away from their brief interaction thinking that Gale was really rather cold and unsociable. After Gale recovered and was back in her usual spirits, she encountered Martha again and greeted her warmly, but was surprised when Martha seemed distant and wary. What do you think the future holds for Martha and Gale? Why? 4 -40