Chapter 4 Being Single Hanging Out Hooking Up

Chapter 4 Being Single, Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Living Together

Chapter Outline • • Singlehood Undergraduate Interest in Finding a Partner Ways of Finding a Partner Functions of Involvement with a Partner Dating after Divorce Cultural and Historical Background of Dating Cohabitation

True or False? • Never-married single women report higher life satisfaction than never-married single men.

Answer: True • Never-married single women report higher life satisfaction than never-married single men.

True or False? • Persons who live together and then marry are less likely to get divorced than those who don’t live together before marriage.

Answer: False • Researchers refer to the cohabitation effect as the tendency for couples who cohabit to end up in less happy and shorter-lived marriages (more likely to divorce). Cohabitants are more likely not only to divorce but to report more disagreements, more violence, lower levels of happiness, and lower levels of ability to negotiate conflict

True or False? • Friendship, not romance or sex, is the goal of university students who go on the Internet looking for someone.

Answer: True • Friendship, not romance or sex, is the goal of university students who go on the Internet looking for someone.

The Acceptance of Singlehood Though more than 95% of U. S. adults eventually marry, more people are delaying marriage and enjoying singlehood. • Acceptance of singlehood as a lifestyle can be attributed to social movements: – Sexual Revolution – Women’s Movement – Gay Liberation movement •

Youthhood The time between adolescence and adulthood. • Characterized by lower percentages of youth finishing school, leaving home, getting married, having a child, and reaching financial independence by age 30 than in previous years. •

Categories of Singles Never Married Singles • Divorced Singles • Widowed Singles •

Never Married Singles • Pg. 102 This woman chose to never marry. • She noted, “I’ve had a wonderful life with many lovers. I’m sure I’ve had more loves and adventures than if I had married. ” •

Reasons to Remain Single Benefits of Singlehood • Freedom to do as one wishes • Variety of lovers • Spontaneous lifestyle • Close friends of both sexes • Responsible for one person Limitations of Marriage • Restricted by spouse or children • One sexual partner • Routine, predictable lifestyle • Pressure to avoid othersex friendships • Responsible for family

Reasons to Remain Single Benefits of Singlehood • Spend money as one wishes • Freedom to move for career • Avoid being controlled by spouse • Avoid stress of divorce Limitations of Marriage • Spending influenced by needs of spouse/children • Restricted career mobility • Potential to be controlled by spouse • Possibility of divorce

Intentional Community (Commune) • Example: Twin Oaks – Founded in 1967, one of the oldest nonreligious intentional communities in the United States. – Membership is 55% male and 45% female. – Members include gay, straight, bisexual, and transgender people. – Most are single never-married adults, but there are married couples and families.

Hooking Up A one-time sexual encounter in which there is little or no expectation of a relationship. • The nature of the encounter may be making out, oral sex, and/or sexual intercourse. •

Meeting a New Partner Personal Ads – Some magazines feature ads marketed to a particular group of singles. • The Internet—Meeting Online – There are over two hundred Web sites designed for meeting a new partner. •

Meeting a New Partner Video Chatting – Video chatting allows the partners to see each other while chatting online. • Speed Dating: The Eight-Minute Date – A person has eight one-on-one dates that last 8 minutes each. • International Dating – Looking for love in other countries, via matchmaking services, or the internet. •

Internet Dating • Pg. 110 • The internet is a quick way to meet a variety of new people—but be cautious.

Speed Dating • Pg. 112 • Speed dating allows individuals to “interview” a series of new people in a single evening.

Functions of Involvement with a Partner 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Confirmation of a social self Recreation Companionship/intimacy/sex Anticipatory socialization Status achievement Mate selection

Long-Distance Dating • Issues in making a long-distance dating relationship manageable and keeping the relationship together: 1. Maintain daily contact. 2. Enjoy/use the time apart. 3. Avoid conflictual phone conversations. 4. Stay monogamous.

Differences after Divorce • • • Older population Fewer potential partners Increased HIV risk Children Ex-spouse issues Brief courtship

Question • Functions of being involved with a partner include intimacy and: A. status achievement B. mate selection C. companionship D. All of the above.

Answer: D • Functions of being involved with a partner include intimacy, status achievement, mate selection, and companionship.

Cultural and Historical Background of Dating Traditional Chinese – Blind marriages, wherein the bride and groom were prevented from seeing each other for the first time until their wedding, were the norm. • The Puritan Era in the United States – Bundling, involving the suitor sleeping in the girl’s bed in her parents’ home, with rules about sexual contact, was common. •

Cultural and Historical Background of Dating • The Industrial Revolution – Commercial industries had developed, and women transferred their activities in these areas from the home to the factory. – Women had more frequent contact with men.

Question • In traditional Chinese culture, romantic feelings were viewed as A. very important. B. unnecessary. C. scandalous. D. vital to marital happiness.

Answer: B • In traditional Chinese culture, romantic feelings were viewed as unnecessary.

Cohabitation Also known as living together. • Becoming a “normative life experience”, almost 60% of U. S. women who married in the 1990 s reported that they had cohabited before marriage. •

Insert Video • 7. “Living Together VS. Marriage (Run Time: 4: 01)

Types of Cohabitation Relationships Here and Now - The partners are focused on the here and now, not the future of the relationship. 2. Testers - The couple wants to assess whether they have a future together. 3. Engaged - These couples are in love and are planning to marry. 1.

Types of Cohabitation Relationships Money Savers - The couples live together out of economic convenience. 5. Pension Partners - Getting married would mean giving up their pension benefits from the previous marriage. 6. Security blanket cohabiters - Drawn to each other out of a need for security rather than mutual attraction. 4.

Types of Cohabitation Relationships 7. 8. Rebellious cohabiters - The cohabitation is more about rebelling from parents than being drawn to each other. Marriage never - Living together provides companionship and sex without the responsibilities of marriage.

Cohabitation • Pg. 120 • This couple moved in together after knowing each other for only a short time.

Cohabitation Advantages • Sense of well-being • Delayed marriage • Learning about self and partner Disadvantages • Feeling used or tricked • Problems with parents • Economic disadvantages • Effects on children

Question • Partners who are emotionally and sexually involved and want to see whether cohabitation and marriage are the right decision are referred to as A. here and now B. testers C. rebellious cohabitators D. Commitment phobic

Answer: B • Partners who are emotionally and sexually involved and want to see whether cohabitation and marriage are the right decision are referred to as testers.

Legal Aspects of Living Together • Some of the legal issues concerning cohabiting partners include: – common-law marriage – palimony – child support – child inheritance

Legal Aspects of Living Together In North Carolina, cohabitation is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine not to exceed $500, imprisonment for not more than six months, or both. • Common-Law Marriage dates to a time when couples who wanted to be married did not have easy or convenient access to legal authorities. •