Chapter 3 American Ways of Love Chapter Outline

Chapter 3 American Ways of Love

Chapter Outline • The American Myth: Romantic Love Should Always Lead to Marriage • Defining Love • Love in Strong Families: Appreciation and Respect

Chapter Outline • Learning to Love • Love over Time: From Passionate to Companionate Love • Love’s Oft-Found Companion: Jealousy

The American Myth: Romantic Love Should Always Lead to Marriage • • • Implies that love is the one indispensable ingredient that should determine whom and when a person marries. A corollary to the myth states that love will overcome all, never mind the obstacles. Because Americans tend to believe the romantic myth, numerous marriages have little other than love going for them and the union dissolves because the couple has no basis on which to build a lasting relationship.

Defining Love The ancient Greeks divided love into a number of elements: • Ludus (game-playing love) • Storge (friendship love) • Mania (possessive/dependent love).

Defining Love For the Greeks, the three most important types of love leading to more successful intimate relationships are: • Eros (carnal or physical love) • Agape (spiritual love) • Philos (brotherly or friendly love).

The Wheel as a Model of Love

The Wheel as a Model of Love § Stage 1 The Rapport Stage § Partners are struck by the feelings that they have known each other before. § They are comfortable with each other, and both want to deepen the relationship.

The Wheel as a Model of Love § Stage 2 The Self-revelation Stage § The partners share more intimate feelings. § This deepens the relationship because such sharing is only done with special people. § Self-disclosure is associated with increased commitment, mutual trust, and love.

The Wheel as a Model of Love § Stage 3 Mutual Dependence § As sharing becomes more intimate, a feeling of mutual dependence develops. § Falling in love provides a sense of very rapid expansion of the boundaries of self. There comes a feeling of loss when the partner is absent.

The Wheel as a Model of Love § Stage 4 Intimacy § The partners experience more intimacy and need fulfillment as they deepen their relationship.

The Triangle of Love

Elements of Love • • Nonlove: Absence of all three elements. Liking: Intimacy without passion or commitment. Infatuation: Passion without intimacy or commitment. Romantic love: Intimacy and passion without commitment.

Elements of Love • • Companionate love: Intimacy and commitment without passion. Fatuous love: Passion and commitment without intimacy. Empty love: Commitment without passion and intimacy. Consummate love: Combination of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Theories on Love • • • Romantic Love Infatuation Loving and Liking The Double Cross Love Is What You Make It

Love in Strong Families: Appreciation and Respect § § In strong families where there is a mature loving relationship, the expression of appreciation permeates the relationship. Mature love will always include appreciation of the loved ones, including the spouse, children, parents, grandparents, or simply good friends.

Negative Behavior § A vicious circle is a pattern of behavior in which a negative behavior provokes a negative reaction, which, in turn, prompts more negative behavior.

Socialization § The process of passing society’s values on to new members that begins at birth.

Developmental Stages • • Self-Love Stage: Infancy and Early Childhood Parental Identification Stage: Early and Middle Childhood Group Stage: Late Childhood and Preadolescence Heterosexual Adult Stage

Jealousy § The state of being resentfully suspicious of a loved one’s behavior toward a suspected rival.

Quick Quiz

1. Love that includes intimacy and commitment without passion is a) b) c) d) Familial Love Companionate Love Empty Love Liking

Answer: b • Companionate love is a strong bond that includes intimacy and commitment without passion.

2. The process of passing society’s values on to new members is a) b) c) d) Coding Modeling Brainwashing Socialization

Answer: d • Socialization is the process of passing society’s values on to new members.

3. The Greek term for brotherly love is a) b) c) d) Agape Philos Eros Storge

Answer: b • Philos is the Greek term for brotherly love.