CHAPTER 2 Love Relationships What is love Discussion

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CHAPTER 2 Love Relationships

CHAPTER 2 Love Relationships

What is love?

What is love?

Discussion What are some ways we show love?

Discussion What are some ways we show love?

Romantic Love • • Intense love Excitement Passion Belief in love at first sight

Romantic Love • • Intense love Excitement Passion Belief in love at first sight Only 1 true love Love conquers all Men fall in love more quickly b/c they are visually attracted to young females for reproduction (biological & evolutionary perspective)

Realistic Love/ Conjugal Love • • • love between married people companionship calmness comfort

Realistic Love/ Conjugal Love • • • love between married people companionship calmness comfort security

Ways of Conceptualizing Love • Lust: is about sexual desire & present • Biologically

Ways of Conceptualizing Love • Lust: is about sexual desire & present • Biologically driven • Infatuation: is about emotional feeling based on little actual exposure to love object • Idealizing the partner

Romantic vs. Realistic love This photo illustrates • Romantic love (young couple) • Conjugal

Romantic vs. Realistic love This photo illustrates • Romantic love (young couple) • Conjugal love(older couple) • Both types of love are good • People in either category can be happy in their relationships

John Lee 1973, 1988 Love Styles Describe the way in which lovers relate to

John Lee 1973, 1988 Love Styles Describe the way in which lovers relate to each other

Love Styles Ludic Juggle partners Love d an m e ‘ m e e

Love Styles Ludic Juggle partners Love d an m e ‘ m e e v ‘ o e L v a e l Manipulative & uncaring

Love Styles l a ic g o L PRAGMA l a n it o

Love Styles l a ic g o L PRAGMA l a n it o a R

Love Styles Most common for College Students EROS LOVE Sexual desire

Love Styles Most common for College Students EROS LOVE Sexual desire

Love Styles Out of control MANIA LOVE e v i s s e s

Love Styles Out of control MANIA LOVE e v i s s e s s o P Gehring A T S R E LK

Love Styles g n i th o o S STORGE Lov LOVE e be

Love Styles g n i th o o S STORGE Lov LOVE e be twe en p erso ns l ong Non sexual mar ried

Love Styles Selfless Love AGAPE LOVE G g n i v i e v

Love Styles Selfless Love AGAPE LOVE G g n i v i e v lo Love between parent and child Not expecting an exchange

Triangular View of Love by Sternberg 1986 3 basic elements to love: 1. Intimacy:

Triangular View of Love by Sternberg 1986 3 basic elements to love: 1. Intimacy: emotional connectedness 2. Passion: physical attraction 3. Commitment: drive to maintain the relationship

Triangular View of Love 2. Romantic love Intimacy & Passion 7. Consummate Love Intimacy,

Triangular View of Love 2. Romantic love Intimacy & Passion 7. Consummate Love Intimacy, passion, commitment on ssi 3. Conjugal Love Intimacy & Commitment Int ima 6. Empty Love commitment Pa 1. Nonlove None of the above cy by Sternberg 1986 4. Liking Intimacy only 5. Fatuous Love Passion & commitment Commitment

Triangular View of Love • Each person brings different combinations of the 3 elements

Triangular View of Love • Each person brings different combinations of the 3 elements • Allows partners to see the degree to which they are matched in the 3 elements

How would you feel if your family was in charge of finding you a

How would you feel if your family was in charge of finding you a husband/wife?

*Arranged Marriage • 40 % of the worlds population arrange marriage • Parents arrange

*Arranged Marriage • 40 % of the worlds population arrange marriage • Parents arrange marriages in India & Pakistan • Why do some cultures practice arranged marriages? • • • Focus is on linking the two families together How the couples feel about each other is irrelevant Love will come after marriage Parents will interview suitable partner Parents may put an advertisement in newspaper • Do you think that your parents have influence over who date/marry?

Theories on the Origins of Love Evolutionary Theory Love has an evolutionary purpose and

Theories on the Origins of Love Evolutionary Theory Love has an evolutionary purpose and creates a bond between parents when their offspring are dependent infants.

Theories on the Origins of Love Learning Theory Emphasizes that love feelings develop in

Theories on the Origins of Love Learning Theory Emphasizes that love feelings develop in response to certain behaviors occurring in certain contexts. Ex: doing thing for your partner Holding hands, kissing, texting, buying gifts, All of these examples can encourage the development of love. What are some words of endearment used?

Theories on the Origins of Love Sociological Theory : love develops in stages, like

Theories on the Origins of Love Sociological Theory : love develops in stages, like a wheel 1. rapport: knowing someone, feeling comfortable w/someone 2. self revelation: each partner reveals intimate thought about yourself, partner, the relationship. 3. mutual dependency: partners are happy being together & their happiness depends on the other. “I’m the happiest when I’m with you! 4. personality need fulfillment: the desire to love and be loved, to trust and be trusted, to support and be supported.

Theories on the Origins of Love Psychosexual Theory(Freud) Love results from blocked biological sexual

Theories on the Origins of Love Psychosexual Theory(Freud) Love results from blocked biological sexual desires. In reverse – once you had sex love dies

Theories on the Origins of Love Biochemical Theory Suggests that there may be a

Theories on the Origins of Love Biochemical Theory Suggests that there may be a biochemical basis for love feelings. Oxytocin is a hormone that encourages contractions during childbirth and endears the mother to the suckling infant Referred to as the ‘cuddle chemical’

Theories on the Origins of Love Attachment Theory Emphasizes a primary motivation in life

Theories on the Origins of Love Attachment Theory Emphasizes a primary motivation in life is to be connected with other people.

Falling in LOVE • Society promotes love through popular music, movies, television, and novels.

Falling in LOVE • Society promotes love through popular music, movies, television, and novels. • Probability of being in a relationship is influenced by the cultural ideal of physical appearance. • What are some of today’s standards of beauty for women and men?

Falling in LOVE The individual must be physiologically aroused. Self-esteem and self-disclosure associated with

Falling in LOVE The individual must be physiologically aroused. Self-esteem and self-disclosure associated with the development of healthy love relationships.

Benefits of Self. Esteem 1. It allows one to be open and honest about

Benefits of Self. Esteem 1. It allows one to be open and honest about both strengths and weaknesses. 2. It allows one to feel generally equal to others. 3. It allows one to take responsibility for one’s own feelings, ideas, mistakes, and failings. 4. It allows for the acceptance of strengths and weaknesses in one’s self and others.

Benefits of Self. Esteem 5. It allows one to validate one’s self and not

Benefits of Self. Esteem 5. It allows one to validate one’s self and not to expect the partner to do this. 6. It permits one to feel empathy 7. It allows separateness and interdependence, as opposed to fusion and dependence.

8 dimensions of Self-Disclosure 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. backgrounds and

8 dimensions of Self-Disclosure 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. backgrounds and history feelings toward the partner feelings toward self feelings about one’s body attitudes toward social issues tastes and interests money and work feelings about friends

Abusive/Stalking Relationship • A repeated malicious pursuit that threatens the safety of the victim.

Abusive/Stalking Relationship • A repeated malicious pursuit that threatens the safety of the victim. It may involve • following a victim • threats of physical harm to the victim, one’s self, or another person • restricting the behavior of the victim, including kidnapping or home invasion.

Unrequited or Unfulfilling love Relationships • The intensity of love may vary between partners.

Unrequited or Unfulfilling love Relationships • The intensity of love may vary between partners. • Is it better to be the partner who loves more or less?

Jealousy An emotional response to a perceived or real threat to an important or

Jealousy An emotional response to a perceived or real threat to an important or valued relationship Types of Jealousy • Reactive: coming home late, texting former lover • Anxious: alleged infidelity – miserable • Possessive : attack others who is allegedly cheating, or attack the other man /woman

External Causes of Jealousy The behaviors the partner engages in that are interpreted as:

External Causes of Jealousy The behaviors the partner engages in that are interpreted as: Emotional and/or sexual interest in someone (or something) else. A lack of emotional and/or sexual interest in the primary partner. Dancing w/another woman Talking to a previous partner Talking about a previous partner

Internal Causes of Jealousy • • Mistrust (perceived as cheating) Low self-esteem (lack self-worth)

Internal Causes of Jealousy • • Mistrust (perceived as cheating) Low self-esteem (lack self-worth) Anxiety Lack of perceived alternatives (will be alone) • Insecurity (length of time)no commitment from their partner