Chapter 15 Love and Commitment Objectives 1 List

Chapter 15: Love and Commitment Objectives 1. List the components of lasting love. 2. Describe factors that affect partner selection. 3. Explain how to determine readiness for commitment. 4. Describe the different types of love. 5. List the components of lasting love.

What is Love? Since there are so many types of love, how do you define it? • subject of songs, poetry and movies • has been called a “miracle” • credited with “making the world go round” • people claim to love restaurants, TV shows and football games

Types of Love There are many different types of love. Examples: • love you feel for your friends vs. the love you feel for your family • the affection of a big brother for a little sister is not the same as his love for his girlfriend • a child’s love for a puppy vs. a parent’s love of country

Building Blocks of Love 1. being attracted to him/her 2. being excited to see and be with him/her 3. feeling at ease with each other 4. being friends first 5. sharing happy experiences

Building Blocks of Love 6. respecting their values and integrity 7. understanding and respecting their feelings 8. recognizing and appreciating things they do for you 9. taking pride in their accomplishments 10. being concerned for their happiness

Building Blocks of Love 11. being concerned for their safety 12. showing admiration for talents/personality 13. desiring to make them happy 14. hoping for a future together 15. LOVE

3 Components of Relationships Intimacy Commitment Passion

3 Components of Relationships • Intimacy – being close to someone & sharing personal things (feelings, ideas, hopes, desires, etc. ) • Passion – strong emotional feelings that move you to express things verbally & physically • Commitment – pledging yourself to another person; promising to be true & faithful

Activity Complete Worksheet The Three Components of Relationships

Love vs. Infatuation

Infatuation infatuation: a love experience that is based on a sudden, intense attraction • the feelings are very real and very powerful • this kind of love disappears in time • can be pleasant or painful, depending on the attitude of the second person involved • infatuated partners make the mistake of playing up good qualities and ignoring the bad and they focus on unimportant features

Infatuation is ………. • • • Is common during teen years Grows rapidly—love at first sight Does not last long Occurs shortly after breaking up with someone— known as “on the rebound” Is centered on a few admired traits in the other person Is often based on physical traits or feelings Does not see or acknowledge the other person's weaknesses The relationship stays the same for a long time— does not go anywhere Selfish and possessive of the other person— jealous Disagreements are common -- fighting

Infatuation is ………. • Daydream—cannot concentrate on necessary tasks • May lose your appetite • Is easily influenced by the person they are infatuated with • Creates a selfish relationship—"How can he/she help me get what I want? " • Other people's opinions matter too much • May be based on physical enjoyment–a couple who finds themselves bored without physical stimulation • Feelings of insecurity • Lack of trust in partner • Feels a real need to marry • Causes lack of ambition and to disregard problems

Love is ……. . • Grows slowly, beginning with friendship • Lasts over a long period of time • Involves the entire character and personality of the partner • The relationship grows and matures as time passes • Little jealousy—accepting of one another's feelings • Work harder at assigned tasks • Less emotional and moody—more happy and kind • Opinions of other people are not as important

Love is ……. . • Fun times and friendship are more important than a physical relationship • Share common interests • Enjoy being together without need of expensive entertainment • Trust and have confidence in self and in the relationship • Trust the partner • There is no rush to make decisions—the future is planned with confidence • More vital, more energy • See life realistically

Activity Complete Worksheet: SELF-ASSESSMENT: THE LOVE ATTITUDES SCALE

ROMANTIC LOVE Also known as “puppy love”, it is an exaggerated form of love.

SEXUAL LOVE The intimate expression of love. This type of love is best saved for a committed married couple.

PRAGMATIC LOVE A rational reasoning kind of love. Arranged marriage

PLATONIC LOVE Spiritual and intellectual relationship between a man and a woman. Non-sexual.

COMPANIONSHIP LOVE Typically found in good friendships

ALTRUISTIC LOVE Selfless love, or concern for the spouse. AKA compassionate love.

MANIC LOVE A crazy, possessive, jealous kind of love.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs.

SELF-LOVE An egotistic, narcissistic kind of love.

Activity Complete worksheet: Lasting Love or Infatuation (10 -15 minutes)

Objectives 1. List the components of lasting love. 2. Describe the different types of love. 3. List the components of lasting love.

Review What is Manic Love? Describe Unconditional Love and give an example. What is the different between Platonic and Sexual Love. Describe Romantic Love. What is the difference between love and infatuation? e b i r c s De e. v o L c i t s i u Altr

Love That Lasts Do you think people confuse it with infatuation? How can you tell if the love you feel is the lasting kind? • Real love is more than just an emotion. • It is a relationship that puts feelings into action. • It means caring about another person so much that his or health, happiness and well-being are as important to you as your own, sometimes even more important.

Dimensions of Lasting Love that lasts, sometimes known as mature love, has three dimensions. 1 st dimension: Romantic Love 2 nd dimension: Intellectual Love 3 rd dimension: Physical Love

1 st Dimension: Romantic Love • usually the first to appear • involves getting to know and appreciate all the wonderful things about a person • the thoughtful and spontaneous side of love • romance is the ingredient that makes a love relationship unique • kept alive through thoughtful gestures and sharing time alone together Remember: the feelings in a lasting love relationship may become less intense over time—if the love is real, this does not matter.

2 nd Dimension: Intellectual Love • involves mutual respect (valuing the beliefs, opinions and life goals of the loved one) • achieve through getting to know one another (having long talks, seeing each other in different real life experiences) • friendship side of love • grows through companionship and communication • the basis of trust in the relationship

3 rd Dimension: Physical Love • refers to the intimacies expressed by two people in love • based on initial attraction, which is made stronger by romantic and intellectual love feelings • it is touching, kissing and holding • it is the warm, secure feelings of being close, along with the excitement and passion of sexual intimacy Physical love is based on a desire to make the loved one feel loved and needed, rather than on a desire for personal gratification.

Telling the Difference • It takes time for differences between infatuation and lasting love to become apparent. • Enduring love deepens as you get to know the person. • The infatuation love-at-first-sight simply disappears upon close inspection. Time is the only valid test of love!

How Love Develops Love relationships tend to move through a series of stages: 1. an intense, sometimes unexpected attraction to a particular person develops 2. a willingness to share deepest secrets surfaces 3. each partner looks to the other for support and encouragement in everyday living 4. each partner attempts to meet the emotional needs of the other

How Love Develops Can you “fall in love”? Requires: • A sense of purpose • Love in order to develop • Needs to be built through selfcontrol and sacrifice • Must be nurtured and nourished in order to last

Partner Selection There are several theories about what affects partner choice: • proximity • opposites attract • similarities

Partner Selection Theory of Proximity proximity: nearness • your place of residence, social setting, workplace and other environment factors largely determine the people with whom you associate • closeness to specific people filters out great numbers of potential partners, leaving you with relatively few choices

Partner Selection Theory of Opposites Attract • the idea that people look for partners whose qualities make up for gaps in their own personalities • people with different personalities may prove to be very compatible Disadvantage Advantage The differences could possibly lead to incompatibility. Each person fulfills the unmet needs of the other.

Partner Selection Theory of Similarities • You are most likely to match up with someone who is much like yourself in terms of age, race, religion, social group, education and interests. • This is because you will have more in common with people who have a similar background and experiences.

Activity Complete Dr. Laura's "Is it Love? " Test (10 -15 minutes)