Chapter 11 Attraction and Intimacy Image 100Corbis Copyright

The Need to Belong : Evolutionary perspective For our ancestors, mutual attachments enabled group survival; bonds of love can produce children whose survival chances are boosted by the bonded parents Our close relationships dominate our thinking and emotions Solitary and rejected, people become severely depressed; we need other people fpr our emotional well-being Loss of social bonds triggers pain, loneliness and withdrawal

Ostracism (social rejection) This can be regarded as emotional abuse Leads to self-defeating behavior, aggression, anxiety Even Cyber- ostracism is hurting Social ostracism evokes brain response similar to that triggered by physical pain.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Factors that help initiate attraction Proximity: Kindles liking (we like the familiar) Geographical nearness; functional distance Most people marry someone who lives in the same neighborhood Interaction: enables people to explore their similarities Interaction permits people to perceive themselves as part of a social unit Availability Anticipation of interaction also boosts liking Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Proximity Anticipation of interaction Mere exposure Tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after the rater has been repeatedly exposed to them Exposure without awareness leads to liking Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Physical Attractiveness and Dating Looks are a predictor of how often one dates Looks influence voting Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Physical Attractiveness The Matching Phenomenon Tendency for men and women to choose as partners those who are a “good match” in attractiveness and other traits Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Physical Attractiveness Physical-Attractiveness Stereotype Presumption that physically attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well First Impressions Is the "Beautiful is Good" Stereotype Accurate? Attractive people are valued and favored, and so many develop more social self-confidence • Self-fulfilling prophecy Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Physical Attractiveness Who is Attractive? Whatever people of any given place and time find attractive Perfect average Symmetry Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Physical Attractiveness Who is Attractive? Evolution and Attraction Assumption that beauty signals biologically important information Health Youth Fertility Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Physical Attractiveness Who is Attractive? Social Comparison Contrast effect Attractiveness of Those We Love We see likable people as attractive Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Similarity versus Complementarity Do Birds of a Feather Flock Together? Likeness Begets Liking Dissimilarity Breeds Dislike Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Similarity versus Complementarity Do Opposites Attract? Complementarity Popularly supposed tendency, in a relationship between two people, for each to complete what is missing in the other Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Liking Those Who Like Us Attribution Ingratiation Use of strategies, such as flattery, by which people seek to gain another’s favor Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Leads to Friendship and Attraction? Relationship Rewards Reward Theory of Attraction Theory that we like those whose behavior is rewarding to us or whom we associate with rewarding events Influences on attraction: Proximity Attractiveness Similar opinions Mutual liking Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Is Love? Passionate Love Emotional, exciting, and intense Expressed physically Copyright 2016 ©

What Is Love? Passionate Love Theory of Passionate Love Two-factor theory of emotion Suggests that in a romantic context, arousal from any source, even painful experiences, can be steered into passion Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Is Love? Passionate Love Variations in Love: Culture and Gender Marriages for love versus arranged marriages Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Is Love? Companionate Love Affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined Occurs after passionate love fades Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Enables Close Relationships? Attachment Our need to belong is adaptive Parents and children Friends Spouses or lovers Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Enables Close Relationships? Attachment Styles Secure attachment Rooted in trust and marked by intimacy Avoidant attachment Avoiding closeness Anxious attachment Clinging, then indifferent or hostile Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Enables Close Relationships? Equity Condition in which the outcomes people receive from a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it Long-Term Equity As people observe their partners being self-giving, their sense of trust grows Perceived Equity and Satisfaction Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

What Enables Close Relationships? Self-Disclosure Revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others Disclosure Reciprocity Tendency for one person’s intimacy or self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

How Do Relationships End? Divorce Rates varied widely by country Individualistic cultures have more divorce than do communal cultures Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.

How Do Relationships End? The Detachment Process Alternatives to exiting a relationship Loyalty Waiting for conditions to improve Neglect Ignore the partner and allow the relationship to deteriorate Voice concerns Take active steps to improve relationship Copyright 2016 © Mc. Graw-Hill Education. Permission required for reproduction or display.