Chapter 1 A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships “The Silencing” • James Pelosi, a West Point cadet was “silenced” after being convicted of cheating on an exam, although the case against him was later dismissed. • He ate alone each day at a table for 10; he lived by himself in a room meant for 3; his mail was mutilated, his locker vandalized. Almost no one would speak to him in public. • How did this affect him psychologically and physically? Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 1

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Why Do We Communicate? To Satisfy Needs 1) Physical Needs (Health) • “Physical Needs” doesn’t refer to the ability to ask for practical things that you need: it’s a reference to the idea that communication is vital for our continued physical health. “We must love one another or die. ” W. H. Auden • Page 6 of your text lists a number of health problems that can result from an isolated existence or a lack of close relationships. Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 2

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication Satisfies Physical (Health) Needs • Socially isolated people are more likely to get colds, more likely to develop coronary health problems, and more likely to die prematurely. • Divorced men (before age 70) die at double the rate of married men. • Cancer rates are as much as five times higher for divorced men & women compared with married people. Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 3

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication Fulfills Physical Needs • The likelihood of death increases when a close relative dies. • Have you ever experienced a period of isolation from others? How did it affect you physically? Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 4

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships “How Long Will You Live? ” • • • Start this test with 72 points. If you are male, subtract 3. If female, add 4. If you live in an urban area with a population of more than 2 million, subtract 2. If you live in a town with fewer than 10, 000 or on a farm, add 2. If any grandparent lived to age 85, add 2. If all 4 grandparents lived to age 80, add 6. If either parent died of a stroke or heart attack before the age of 50, subtract 4. If either parent or a brother or sister under 50 has or had cancer, a heart condition, or has had diabetes since childhood, subtract 3. If you earn more than $50, 000 a year, subtract 2. If you have finished college, add 1; if you have a graduate or professional degree, add 2 more. Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 5

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships “How Long Will You Live? ” • If you are 65 or older and working, add 3. • If you live with a spouse or friend, add 5. If not, subtract 1 for every 10 years you’ve lived alone since age 25. • If you work behind a desk, subtract 3. • If your work requires heavy physical labor, add 3. • If you exercise strenuously five times a week for at least half an hour, add 4. If 2 or 3 times a week, add 2. • Are you intense, aggressive, easily angered? If so, subtract 3. • Are you easygoing and relaxed? If so, add 3. • Are you happy? Add 1. Unhappy? Subtract 2. • Have you had a speeding ticket in the past year? If so, subtract 1. • Do you smoke more than 2 packs of cigarettes a day? If yes, subtract 8. One to two packs, subtract 6. Half pack to one pack, subtract 3. Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 6

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships “How Long Will You Live? ” • Do you drink the equivalent of 1 ½ ounces of liquor a day? If yes, subtract 1. • Are you overweight by 50 or more pounds? If yes, subtract 8. By 30 to 50 pounds? Subtract 4. By 10 to 30 pounds, subtract 2. • If you are a man older than 40 and have annual checkups, add 2. • If you are a woman and see a gynecologist once a year, add 2. • If you are between 30 and 40, add 2. • If you are between 50 and 70, add 4. • If you are past 70, add 5. • Add up your score to get your life expectancy! Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 7

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communicate Fulfills Physical (Health) Needs • How many years were added if you lived with a spouse or a friend? • How many were subtracted if you lived alone? • Response to Time survey from Trappist monastery • About Schmidt scene: example of a man who has no one with whom he can communicate his deepest feelings Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 8

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships We Communicate to Satisfy Needs 2) Identity Needs • We learn who we are through Communication • We develop our sense of identity from the way others respond to us: Are we smart or stupid, attractive or ugly, skillful or inept? We decide on the answers based on the feedback we receive from others. • The messages we receive in early childhood have the most effect Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 9

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships We Communicate to Satisfy Needs 3) Social Needs • Pleasure • Affection • Companionship • Escape • Relaxation • Control Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth “Who can enjoy alone? ” John Milton Paradise Lost 10

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication to fulfill Social Needs • Mary is working at her first real job, teaching high school. She is in an unfamiliar city where she has no friends or family and she is finding her new job stressful and difficult. • Other newly-hired teachers invite Mary to join them for Friday-night outings where they can have fun and share problems, gripes, and ideas. • How many of the “social needs” is Mary fulfilling by joining this group? • We have a lot of new tools for communicating efficiently with others. Are people in the 21 st century doing better at initiating, maintaining, and managing relationships? Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 11

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships We Communicate to Satisfy Needs 4) Practical (Instrumental) Goals • Instrumental Goals involve getting others to behave in ways we want • They might involve getting your roommate to share chores, asking a bus driver for directions, or impressing a job interviewer with your knowledge and confidence. • Communication Skills are a Top Factor in Getting Jobs • Keeping Your Job and Job Advancement Are Tied to Communication Skills • How many of you have held jobs in which good communication skills were a priority? Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 12

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships We Communicate to Satisfy Needs Maslow’s Basic Needs Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 13

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships We Communicate to Satisfy Needs Maslow’s Basic Needs Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 14

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships We Communicate to Satisfy Needs Maslow’s Basic Needs Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 15

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships We Communicate to Satisfy Needs Maslow’s Basic Needs Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 16

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships We Communicate to Satisfy Needs Maslow’s Basic Needs Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 17

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships The Four Needs Satisfied by Communication • What encounters have you had with others that actually affected your health in a positive or negative way? • What messages have you received that shaped your identity or self-image? • What communication experiences have satisfied your need for affection? Pleasure? Escape? Relaxation? Control? • What practical needs have you met by communicating with others? Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 18

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships The Process of Communication: A Linear View Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 19

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships The Process of Communication A Linear View • Sender • Receiver – Encoding -- Decoding – Message – Noise – Channel Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth • External (physical) 20

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships The Process of Communication: A Transactional View Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 21

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships The Process of Communication A Transactional View • Communicator Replaces Sender • We Send and Receive Messages Simultaneously • Communicators Often Occupy Different Environments • Channels Make a Difference • Noise affects Communication Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 22

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships The Process of Communication A Transactional View Environments: the less overlap between them, the more challenging communication will be. • Person A may be 80, Person B 18 • Person A may be female, Person B male • Person A may be Chinese, Person B an American of European background • Person A may speak English as their second language, Person B as their first • Person A may have lived on three continents, while Person B has never have left one area of his own country. Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 23

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships The Three Different Types of Noise • External Noise: noise outside the communicators, such as construction going on across the street. • Psychological Noise: Forces within the minds of the communicators which preoccupy them. • Physiological Noise: Biological Factors that interfere with accurate reception, such as illness, fatigue, or hearing loss. Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 24

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Question: When Tomas failed his calculus exam, he was so upset that he couldn’t understand the explanations provided by his professor. This example best illustrates: a. external noise b. physiological noise c. psychological noise d. feedback noise Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 25

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication Principles • Communication is Transactional • Communication has a Content & a Relational Dimension • Communication Can Be Intentional or Unintentional • Communication is Irreversible • Communication is Unrepeatable Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 26

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Avoiding Communication Misconceptions • Successful Communication Doesn’t Always Involve Complete Mutual Understanding • More Communication is Not Always Better • Communication Will not Solve All Problems • Effective Communication is not a Natural Ability Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 27

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication Competence • Involves Achieving One’s Goals While Preserving Relationships • No “Ideal” Way to Communicate • Competence is Situational • Competence Can Be Learned Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 28

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Characteristics of Competent Communicators • A Large Repertoire of Skills • Adaptability (choose the right behavior for the particular situation) • Skill at Performing Behaviors • Involvement • Empathy: Can You Take the Other’s Perspective? • Cognitive Complexity • Self-Monitoring Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 29

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication Competence Skill at Performing Behaviors • Beginning Awareness Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 30

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication Competence Skill at Performing Behaviors • Beginning Awareness • Awkwardness Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 31

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication Competence Skill at Performing Behaviors • Beginning Awareness • Awkwardness • Skillfulness Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 32

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication Competence Skill at Performing Behaviors • Beginning Awareness • Awkwardness • Skillfulness • Integration Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 33

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Communication: What makes it Interpersonal or Impersonal? – Uniqueness – Interdependence – Self-Disclosure – Intrinsic Rewards Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 34

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Personal and Impersonal Communication: A Matter of Balance • Most Relationships are not Either Interpersonal Or Impersonal – Personal Elements in Impersonal Encounters – Impersonal Elements in Interpersonal Encounters Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 35

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Social Media and Communication • What kinds of social media (channels that make remote communication possible) do you use? • How often do you use them & for how long? • What do you use them for? Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 36

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Characteristics of Social Media • Leanness vs. Richness: – Unrealistic images or expectations – Carefully managed identities • Hyperpersonal communication • Asynchronicity vs. synchronicity • Permanence. Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 37

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Cell Phone Exercise • Choose a contact and start text by telling them this is a class exercise • Describe the social penetration model • How many sections does it have? • What is each section labeled? • What objects are attached to each section? • You have 1 minute before the alarm sounds! Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 38

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Emotional Intelligence: Mindfulness • Mindfulness: • Quiets the mind • Allows us to pay attention to present moment without judgment • When we are mindful: bring our full selves and whole heart to activities • Learning to quiet our minds helps us focus our attention better, improving our concentration & ability to learn new things. Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 39

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships The Dark Side of Communication • Social scientist Sherry Turkle: social media and how it has affected our relationships • What do you think of her advice to put technology “in its place, ” to stop multitasking at least once in a while, to turn off our devices? Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 40

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Social Media & Relationship Quality • Does social media result in fewer close, deep relationships? • Or does it extend relationships we already have offline? Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 41

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Competent Communicators: Social Media • Be Careful What you Post • Be Considerate – Respect others’ need for undivided attention – Keep your tone civil – Be mindful of bystanders – Balance mediated & face time Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 42

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Guidelines for Social Media • Exercise: establishing guidelines for the use of social media Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 43

Chapter 1 - A First Look at Interpersonal Relationships Guidelines for Social Media Copyright © 2005 Wadsworth 44