Challenging Conversations Housekeeping Fire exits Loos Tea Coffee

Challenging Conversations

Housekeeping � Fire exits � Loos � Tea & Coffee � Breaks � What would make this session safe for you?

Objectives By the end of this session, you will be able to: � Understand what makes a conversation challenging � Plan for conversations which may prove challenging � Practice managing yourself in difficult conversations � Use reflection after difficult conversations to improve or consolidate learning

What makes conversation challenging? 1. 2. 3. What happened Feelings Identity http: //m. acas. org. uk/index. aspx? articleid=3799

How we communicate

Listening… a real skill

The first conversation to have is with yourself. � What is the issue/ problem? � Why is it bothering you? � What emotions are attached to the situation? � What options do you have?

Managing yourself in the conversation

Think about � Opening lines � You will trigger identity conversation � Look for a third story � Think like a mediator � Invite rather than impose � Agree outcomes (not yours or mine but ours )

Think about � Manage internal stress � Manage body language � Voice volume pitch tone � Establish empathy � Tackle a small thing first � Negotiate to find a solution � Agree the solution

Managing the situation � Confront it � Understand the other persons position as well as your own � Define the problem from what you observe � Search for solutions. � Think win � Do what you say.

think about � listening to them helps them to listen to you. � be authentic don’t worry about words � authenticity comes from intent � manage your internal voice � don’t make statements disguised as questions � don’t ask questions to cross examine � Ask open questions � Ask for concrete information. Can you give me an example?

think about � make it safe not to answer � check your understanding � show that you have heard � acknowledge their feelings � empathy is a journey not a destination � beware self sabotage

think about � what matters most � say what you mean don’t make them guess. � have a BUT phobia � don’t present your conclusions as the truth � Don’t exaggerate with always and never

How we treat others and how they treat us Nurturing Controlling Adapted Free

Practice � Preparation � use is key: a real life challenging conversation to prepare yourself for the conversation that needs to take place or has taken place. � undertake the conversation. � an observer will feedback

The seven key components � 1. � 2. � 3. � 4. � 5. � 6. � 7. Name the issue Select an example Describe your emotions Clarify what’s at stake Identify your contribution Indicate your wish to resolve the issue Invite a response

Summary. � Learn their story � Express your views and feelings � Problem solve together. � What is your intention? � Be clear and brief � Look for Win