Center for Conflict Resolution Serving the Kansas City

Center for Conflict Resolution Serving the Kansas City area since 1999

Mediations help families, neighborhoods and businesses solve conflict.

Interactive whole classroom workshops on Conflict Resolution teach students skills for problem solving

Teachers and administrators model positive relationships with students through Restorative Discipline

Community members are trained in Restorative Justice to include everyone affected by harm in finding solutions

Trauma Awareness and Resilience workshops explore the inter-relatedness of justice, peace, mercy and truth

FIVE STEPS TO CONFLICT TRANSFORMATION

Dignity: It’s Essential Role in Resolving Conflict Donna Hicks Ph. D. We are social beings, hardwired to react to the way others treat us, and we are all vulnerable. Dignity is an internal state of peace that comes with the recognition and acceptance of the value and vulnerability of all living things.

Ten Essential Elements of Dignity 1. Acceptance of Identity 2. Inclusion 3. Safety 4. Acknowledgment 5. Recognition 6. Fairness 7. Benefit of the Doubt 8. Understanding 9. Independence 10. Accountability

Temptations to Violate Dignity 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Taking the Bait Saving Face Shirking Responsibility Seeking False Dignity Seeking False Security 6. Avoiding Conflict 7. Being the Victim 8. Resisting Feedback 9. Blaming to Deflect 10. Engaging in Gossip

Without using any words - Draw a picture of CONFLICT

When we think of Conflict………… • Anger • Frustrated • Fight • Argue • Anxious • Win/lose • Helpless • Unhappy • Confused • Exhausted • Uncomfortable • Hostile

If we think of Conflict as an opportunity, what are some words that come to mind?

Conflict as an Opportunity………… • Growth • Creativity • Improved relationships • Satisfaction • Understanding • Empathy • Expanded view • Solutions that last • Hope • Confidence • Inspiration • Gratifying

Position vs. Interest Position Non-negotiable Win/lose______ Interest What about that is important to you? What is the underlying need? Allows possibility for shared goals.

Non-anxious Presence (NAP) Family Systems Theory – Murry Bowen M. D. A non-anxious presence will modify the anxiety of everyone. To the extent that we can recognize and contain our own anxiety, then we function as step-down transformers, or perhaps circuit breakers.

We can either be…

CURIOUS

or RIGHT

We can either…

LEARN

or PROTECT

Listen to Understand Show you are Listening With a non-anxious presence, say what you heard. Notice FEELINGS and CONTENT Example: “It sounds like you feel worried because the cost of your health insurance may go up. ”

PRACTICE Find a partner - Decide who is ‘A’ and who is ‘B’ “You feel______ because_________”

FIVE STEPS TO CONFLICT TRANSFORMATION

#1 RESOLVE TO UPHOLD YOUR OWN AND OTHER’S DIGNITY

#2 MOVE TOWARD THE CONFLICT, SEEING IT AS AN OPPORTUNITY

#3 FOCUS ON INTERESTS INSTEAD OF POSITIONS

#4 WITH A NON-ANXIOUS PRESENCE, SHOW YOU ARE LISTENING… “You feel_______because______. ”

#5 CURIOUS or RIGHT LEARN or PROTECT

Act as an informal facilitator (it may help you to be less emotional about the topic) and guide conversations in a FAIR and EVENHANDED way – Upholding your own and other’s dignity.

THANK YOU and GOOD LUCK!