BULLYING THE BULLY THE BULLIED AND THE BYSTANDER
BULLYING THE BULLY, THE BULLIED AND THE BYSTANDER
THE “COSTS” OF BULLYING “Without intervention, bullying can lead to serious academic, social, emotional and legal problems, ” the AMA’s Council on Scientific Affairs states Victims have greater loneliness, depression, school avoidance & suicidal thoughts (Hawker & Boulton, 2000) As adults victims of bullying have lower self-esteem and more depression (Olweus, 1995) Bullies have more externalizing problems than non-involved peers (Haynie, Nansel, & Eitel, 2001) Bullies have a 25% chance of having a criminal record by age 30 (Eron, Huesmann, Dubow, Romanoff, & Yarnel, 1987) Bully-victims have fewer friends, low self-esteem, are the most stigmatized by peers (Kokkinos & Panayiotou, 2004; Unnever, 2005; Ireland & Power, 2004)
Bullying statistics Out of 100 people, 6 are bullies, 9 are bullied (targeted), and 85 are bystanders.
Quiz Pre - Test 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Teasing is playful Teasing results in laughing at one another’s mistakes Taunting is joking Taunting results in humiliation and shame Teasing and taunting are the same thing Bullying is normal like sibling rivalry Bullying is just hitting or kicking someone
Quiz 8. 9. 10. There are 3 kinds of bullying: verbal, physical, and relational. A bystander is someone who follows, supports, or ignores the bullying. They are onlookers who can help the target. One reason student’s don’t intervene is because they are afraid of the bully or of making the situation worse. Knowing what you know now, have you ever been bullied or have you ever bullied someone else?
WHY BULLYING AWARENESS? Awareness is an important first step toward knowledge and understanding of the problem, leading to: Actions to minimize opportunities for bullying Offering support to students Becoming actively involved in a solution
Bullying Policy n n The Governing Board is committed to providing a safe, positive, productive, and nurturing educational environment for all of its students. The Board encourages the promotion of positive interpersonal relations between members of the school community. Harassment, intimidation, or bullying toward a student, whether by other students, staff, or third parties is strictly prohibited and will not be tolerated. This prohibition includes aggressive behavior, physical, verbal, and psychological abuse. The Board will not tolerate any gestures, comments, threats, or actions which cause or threaten to cause bodily harm or personal degradation. This policy has been developed in consultation with parents, Center employees, volunteers, students, and community members as prescribed in R. C. 3313. 666 and the State Board of Education's Model Policy. 5517. 01 - BULLYING AND OTHER FORMS OF AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR Entire policy can be viewed at www. gcesc. org search bylaws and policies
What constitutes bullying? n n Double I/R criteria: Intentional: was the behavior committed intentionally to inflict harm on another n Imbalanced: was there an imbalance of power between the two students, such that one could be defined as a bully and the other a victim n Repeated: Was the behavior inflicted repeatedly? Did it occur more than once and was there a pattern to the occurrence?
FOUR MARKERS OF BULLYING Imbalance of power Intent to harm Threat of further aggression (repeated) When bullying escalates unabated: terror
THREE KINDS OF BULLYING VERBAL BULLYING PHYSICAL BULLYING RELATIONAL BULLYING
VERBAL BULLYING Name calling, taunting, belittling, cruel criticism, personal defamation, racist slurs, and sexually suggestive or sexually abusive remarks. EXAMPLES: Extortion of lunch money, abusive phone calls, intimidating e-mails, anonymous notes containing threats, untruthful accusations, false and malicious rumors and gossip Most common by boys and girls Accounts for 70% of bullying Easy to get away without detection
TAUNTING vs. TEASING The “Big Five” RACE RELIGION GENDER PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES MENTAL ABILITIES
TEASING: EIGHT CHARACTERISTICS 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Allows the teaser and person teased to swap roles with ease Isn’t intended to hurt the other person Maintains the basic dignity of everyone involved Pokes fun in a lighthearted, clever, and benign way Is meant to get both parties to laugh Is only a small part of the activities shared by kids who have something in common Is innocent in motive Is discontinued when person teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing
TEASING IS PLAYFUL RESULTS IN … AFFECTION COMPASSION EMPATHY LAUGHING AT ONE ANOTHER’S MISTAKES
TAUNTING: SEVEN CHARACTERISTICS 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Based on an imbalance of power and is one-sided, the bully taunts, the bullied is taunted Is intended to harm Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning, or bigoted comments thinly disguised as jokes Includes laughter directed at the target, not with the target Induces fear of further taunting or can be a preclude to physical bullying Is sinister in motive Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects to the taunts
TAUNTING IS NOT PLAYFUL RESULTS IN … Embarrassment Humiliation Shame
PHYSICAL BULLYING The most visible and most readily identifiable form EXAMPLES: Slapping, hitting, choking, punching, kicking, biting, pinching, destroying clothes or property Accounts for less than one-third of the incidents reported.
RELATIONAL BULLYING The most difficult to detect from the outside, it is used to alienate and reject a peer, purposefully ruin friendships and hurt someone’s social standing EXAMPLES: Ignoring, isolating, excluding, shunning, rumors, subtle rolling of eyes, frowns, sneers, snickers and hostile body language. Most common between girls Most powerful in the middle years with onset of adolescence gestures , such as aggressive stares,
How we bully: Boys vs. Girls n What are the differences in bullying between boys and girls? n Why do girls do the indirect (relational) bullying more? n When does bullying hurt most: when the bully is a friend or a stranger? n Do girls tend to hold grudges: How does that affect the way we interact?
Motivations for Relational Bullying Security Popularity Fear Relational Aggression Power Control
The Subtle Bully Game n Aggressive and hostile messages: Eye roll n Body language n Laughing n Tone of voice n staring n
CYBER BULLYING Being cruel to others by sending or posting harmful material using the Internet or cell phone EXAMPLES: Harassment, denigration, outing and trickery, threats, and on-line stalking impersonation, exclusion,
RACIST BULLYING Learned behavior Taught to discriminate Systematically learn the language of racial slurs Learn rules of bigoted behavior Taught to pre-judge
SEXUAL BULLYING All three forms of bullying, verbal, physical, and relational can be wrapped in sexual overtones. Peer to peer sexual bullying is one of the most widespread forms of violence in our schools today.
VERBAL SEXUAL BULLYING Most common form Often entrée to physical or relational Different for boys and girls Words to bully boys make them less than a boy Words to bully girls are about their bodies
FLIRTING IS PLAYFUL IS EITHER ACCEPTED OR REJECTED RESPONSE IS HONORED BY BOTH
SEXUAL BULLYING NOT PLAYFUL THERE IS NO INVITATION – JUST AN ATTACK FEELINGS OF … Embarrassment Humiliation Shame Powerlessness Attack is meant to hurt
WHAT BULLYING IS NOT Bullying is Not… normal childhood behaviors: sibling rivalry, one-onone fighting by peers with competing claims acts of impulsive aggression that are spontaneous, indiscriminate and have no intended target criminal activities that may have begun as a conflict and escalated: assault, serious threats of assault
THE MAKEUP OF A BULLY There are many reasons why a child becomes a bully: individual temperament environmental influences
CHARACTERISTICS OF A BULLY Bullying is not about Anger, but about Contempt Bullies have a… • Sense of entitlement – the right to control, dominate another person • An intolerance toward difference – equals inferior • A liberty to exclude – to exclude a person not worthy of respect
OTHER COMMON TRAITS Find it hard to see a situation from other person’s vantage point Concerned only with own wants and pleasures View weaker siblings or peers as prey Use blame, criticism & false allegations to project their own inadequacies onto target Refuse to accept responsibility for their actions Lack foresight Crave attention Use other people to get what they want
THE BULLYING CYCLE Bully Bystanders Target Defenders
THE BULLIED Typical Targets: the student who… Is new Is the youngest Has already been personally traumatized & is sensitive Is submissive: lacks self confidence, tries to please others Has behaviors others find annoying Is poor or rich
Typical targets n n n n Has different gender/sexual orientation Is gifted, bright, talented Doesn’t conform to the norm Has physical differences Expresses emotions readily Shy, reclusive Has physical and/or mental disabilities
Types of Bystanders • Bully/bullies • Followers/henchmen • Supporters: passive bully/bullies • Disengaged onlookers • Possible defenders • Defenders of the target
The Bystander Why don’t students intervene? The Bystander is: n n n Afraid of getting hurt himself Afraid of becoming a new target of the bully Afraid of doing something that will only make the situation worse Does not know what to do, hasn’t been taught t intervene, report the bullying, or to help the target. Just as bullying is a learned behavior, so must children be taught ways to stop it.
ENVIRONMENTAL RISK FACTORS …are the same for home & school: Lack of supervision Lack of attachment Negative or critical peer relationships Lack of discipline and/or consequences Support for violence Modeling of violence (Swearer, 2007)
For Parents and Teachers n n n Support Kids Who are Bullied Listen and focus on the child. Learn what’s been going on and show you want to help. Assure the child that bullying is not their fault. Know that kids who are bullied may struggle with talking about it. Consider referring them to a school counselor, psychologist, or other mental health service. Give advice about what to do. This may involve roleplaying and thinking through how the child might react if the bullying occurs again.
For Parents and Teachers n n Work together to resolve the situation and protect the bullied child. The child, parents, and school or organization may all have valuable input. It may help to: Ask the child being bullied what can be done to make him or her feel safe. Remember that changes to routine should be minimized. He or she is not at fault and should not be singled out. For example, consider rearranging classroom or bus seating plans for everyone. If bigger moves are necessary, such as switching classrooms or bus routes, the child who is bullied should not be forced to change.
For Parents and Teachers n n Develop a game plan. Maintain open communication between schools, organizations, and parents. Discuss the steps that are taken and the limitations around what can be done based on policies and laws. Remember, the law does not allow school personnel to discuss discipline, consequences, or services given to other children. Be persistent. Bullying may not end overnight. Commit to making it stop and consistently support the bullied child.
For Parents and Teachers n n Avoid these mistakes: Never tell the child to ignore the bullying. n Do not blame the child for being bullied. Even if he or she provoked the bullying, no one deserves to be bullied. n Do not tell the child to physically fight back against the kid who is bullying. It could get the child hurt, suspended, or expelled. n n Parents should resist the urge to contact the other parents involved. It may make matters worse. School or other officials can act as mediators between parents. Follow-up. Show a commitment to making bullying stop. Because bullying is behavior that repeats or has the potential to be repeated, it takes consistent effort to ensure that it stops.
Tips for Parents n n n Starting at Home Teach self-control through discipline. Communicate a zero tolerance of mistreatment of others by consistently applying negative consequences for bullying behavior. Teach the Golden Rule. Teach your child that mistreatment and kindness are powerful – creating memories.
Tips for Parents n n n Hold family meetings to teach empathy, sensitivity and values. Teach child to control his/her anger. Discuss models of acceptance (newspaper stories, television stories, movies, etc. ). Discuss bullying scenes you watch on television or in movies. Teach your child to say, “I’m sorry. ” “Please forgive me. ” and then be kind to the person.
Tips for Parents n What should I do when I find out my child is a victim of bullying? n Be thankful that you know. n Calling the bully’s parents may or may not work. Many parents of children who bully are understanding and want their children to behave. However, usually it is best not to call the bully’s parents. n Discuss the bullying events with your child (who, what, where, etc. ) – do not interrogate – avoid “Why” and “You” statements. n Keep a log/diary and take picture of injuries – report physical assaults to school and police.
Tips for Parents n n Ask your child to write down what happened, thoughts, and feelings. Let your child know it is normal to feel hurt, fear, embarrassment, shame, and anger. If your child says, “No one likes me at school, ” don’t disagree. Stay calm – do not be too quick to blame anyone – do not respond until you have details.
Tips for Parents n Make sure your child understands that no one deserves to be bullied. n Explain why bullies mistreat others. n Ask yourself, “Is my child contributing to this problem? ” n Ask yourself, “Is there anything about your child that needs to be “normalized? ”
Quiz Post Test 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Teasing is playful Yes Teasing results in laughing at one another’s mistakes Yes Taunting is joking No Taunting results in humiliation and shame Yes Teasing and taunting are the same thing No Bullying is normal like sibling rivalry No Bullying is just hitting or kicking someone No
Quiz 8. 9. 10. There are 3 kinds of bullying: verbal, physical, and relational. Yes A bystander is someone who follows, supports, or ignores the bullying. They are onlookers who can help the target. Yes One reason student’s don’t intervene is because they are afraid of the bully or of making the situation worse. Yes Knowing what you know now, have you ever been bullied or have you ever bullied someone else?
n Questions and Comments n Handouts n Thank you so much for your attendance this evening. It is only through working together that we will continue to create safe school environments.
Personnel n n n Ann Blair, GCESC parent mentor Kathy Schmelzer, LSW, GCESC, school social worker Donna Fischer, LPC, GCESC, school social worker Barb Rakes, LSW, GCESC, school social worker Rosalyn Rainey, BA, GCESC, school social worker
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