Bristol Healthy Schools Stride Emotional Health and Wellbeing
Bristol Healthy Schools Stride Emotional Health and Wellbeing Programme Year 9 – Lesson 3 Loss, Separation and Divorce
Our School Values and Ground Rules • • Respecting difference and diversity Listen respectfully Take turns and do not interrupt Respect all ideas and value other’s opinions Positive and polite Trust and confidentiality No negative naming or put-downs The right to say “pass” Is everyone happy with these rules?
Loss, Separation and Divorce • When we talk about loss, most people immediately think about bereavement • However loss can come in many other forms and from different sources including job, home and relationships and each can have a huge impact on family, friends and life in general • We need to understand the impact of loss on ourselves and people around us and develop coping approaches to manage it and support all of those affected
Loss, Separation and Divorce In Groups of 4: • You have 5 minutes to list as many examples of positive and negative loss as you can • Share these with the class
Loss, Separation and Divorce Today we are going to: • Learn how to manage or deal with the effects of loss, separation and divorce
Work Loss: Loss, Separation and Divorce • There are many reasons for job loss including: – – – Changing technology Jobs being outsourced Reduced demand Competition from other businesses Competition from cheaper imports • Whatever the reasons, it is not likely to be your parents fault and job loss can have a huge impact on families, their relationships and also on local communities if it is a major employer • We need to understand these impacts and help ourselves and loved ones through these difficult times
Loss, Separation and Divorce Class Exercise: • If your parent loses their job, what emotions do you think they are feeling? • What emotions would you feel? • Let’s list them and share with the class
Loss, Separation and Divorce Bereavement Loss: • These are some of the emotions people feel as part of bereavement: – – – – – sadness shock relief guilt and regret helplessness anger anxiety despair depression
Loss, Separation and Divorce What do we conclude from this? • The effects of losing a job can be as devastating as a bereavement • But there is life after job loss
Loss, Separation and Divorce How can these feelings come out? • Even in strong families, work loss can cause: – Parental conflict and family tension – Arguments over their situation and blame – Financial worries – Outpouring of the emotions/feelings we identified – Grieving – Stress • Remember parents are not angry at you, just at their situation
Loss, Separation and Divorce What can we do – some suggestions? • • • Talk through the situation as a family Discuss the implications of job loss on family routine and activities Agree how you can all help each other Understand if your parent is pre-occupied with trying to address the situation so may not give you the normal level of attention Stress that this is a temporary situation Don’t ask for things that the family can’t afford Maintain your routine as much as possible Stay healthy and eat properly Laugh, play and do things together Be positive and encourage Celebrate when things improve All of these will help you maintain your positive mental health
Loss, Separation and Divorce: • The Office for National Statistics reported that in England Wales: – there were 101, 055 divorces of opposite sex couples in 2015 – There were 22 divorces of same sex couples in 2015 • Irrespective of your family structure, the effects of separation and/or divorce can feel as devastating as a bereavement • But there is life after separation and divorce
Loss, Separation and Divorce Couples part for many reasons: – – – – – • Lack of communication Financial Issues Addiction Meeting someone else Long working hours Neglect Unemployment Physical/verbal abuse Constant Arguments Wanting different things out of life Although it might be a shock for you, your parents will have probably been through a lot of hurt to get to this stage
Loss, Separation and Divorce In Groups of 4: • Using the ‘Effects of Separation and Divorce’ document: – List the possible emotional and practical effects on your parents – List the possible emotional and practical effects on you – Some of you may have experienced or are experiencing separation or divorce - you don’t have to share your personal experiences if you don’t want to – Let’s discuss as a class
Loss, Separation and Divorce Parents You Emotional: • Anger, frustration, despair, grief, guilt, uncertainty, fear, failure, relief, pain, sadness, jealousy, will the children still love me, distress Practical: • Where will we live, money, how often will I see my children, will I have to move, get a job, kids change schools, friends, in-laws • Shock or disbelief, grief, want parents to get back together, sadness, anger, selfblame – my fault, parents don’t love me anymore, blame one parent or both, fear, helplessness, pain, uncertainty Practical: • Where will I live, who with, money, how often will I see my parents, will I have to move, change school, will I see my friends, grandparents
Loss, Separation and Divorce Emotional: • Everyone is likely to be grieving: – Your parents will want to ensure that you are protected as much as possible but they are also grieving – You are grieving because your world is being turned upside down and the future is uncertain – So you will both go through similar emotions
Loss, Separation and Divorce Practical: • This can be challenging and painful but it is probably the first thing your parents want to sort out • They will want to ensure you have stability and try and have a routine that works for you all • This is likely to include home, school and relationships including friends and family • Although your routine will change, it is good to have one as it brings structure to your life and helps you and your parents to manage the situation
Loss, Separation and Divorce Grieving: • Is a natural part of recovering from a loss and everyone's experience of grief is different • There are no rules about what we should feel and for how long • The feelings may be very intense for a while • Time and routine helps these intense emotions subside • There's no need to feel guilty about starting to feel better
Loss, Separation and Divorce Class Exercise: Review the ‘Help/Not Help Cards • Identify which actions might help or not help you manage your health and wellbeing during separation or divorce? • Put forward any other helpful or unhelpful areas that are important but not on the cards
Loss, Separation and Divorce Things to Consider: • Looking after your health/eating, sleeping, exercise, socialising and having fun where you can • Have honest conversations and don’t allow negative comments about each parent • Ask advice from friends who have been through it • See your grandparents and friends as much as you normally do • Take each day a step at a time and deal with problems as they arise • Try not to judge either parent even if one has left as you may not be party to all of the issues • If one of your parents has left to live with someone else, especially someone with children, it is likely that they are also going through similar emotions to you • Ensure you spend quality time with each parent if this is possible
Loss, Separation and Divorce Remember: • • Families come in all shapes, sizes and structures Separation and divorce is the end of a romantic relationship between a couple, not the end of your family or co-parenting relationships The family is not gone, it’s just changed Your parents still LOVE YOU They will ALWAYS LOVE YOU, no matter where you all live They are not splitting up because of anything you have done You may feel sad or upset but you will feel better in time Always talk to your parents or another adult you can trust in the family
Loss, Separation and Divorce Click on the video Link Voice of the Child of Divorce
Loss, Separation and Divorce In Groups of 4: • One of your school friends has parents that are divorcing • Make a list of ways you can be ‘a good friend’ during this difficult time • Share these with the class
Help and Support If I’m worried about anything, where do I go for help? • Parents, Family Friend or Best Friend - sometimes these people may appear very busy. If you want to talk something over it is a good idea to tell them you need to talk with them and ask when would be a good time. This will then hopefully mean you get some quality time to talk over anything you are concerned about • Teacher/Other School Staff – can also be very busy people. Again, ask if you could see them and then they can suggest a good time to talk with you • GP - you may be used to going to your doctor with your parents/carers but you are able to see the doctor without them. To book a doctor’s appointment you will need to ring or visit the surgery and make the booking or attend an open surgery which is usually organised as first come first served. Each doctor’s surgery tends to operate a different system so you may need to ask the receptionist at the surgery how to go about booking an appointment. You are able to take a friend with you if you prefer • School Nurse - every school has a school nurse team who work in the school for a certain number of hours per week. Our nurse is in school on X dates so to arrange to see them, please do Y • CEOP - is here to keep children safe from sexual abuse and grooming online. They are here to help and give you advice, and you can make a report directly to them if something has happened online which has made you feel unsafe, scared or worried. This might be from someone you know in real life, or someone you have only ever met online. They take all reports seriously and will do everything they can to keep you safe. As well as providing a facility to enable you to make a report to CEOP, the CEOP Thinkuknow website has information and advice to help you if something has happened to you online. • Confidentiality - teachers and other adults in school are not able to keep things you tell them secret, if it in any way means that you are at risk of any kind of harm. All school staff has to report any disclosures you may make which indicate there may be a danger to your safety. This is called a ‘duty of care’ and all adults in schools have a duty of care over all the pupils in the school
Help and Support
Help and Support
Help and Support
Help and Support
Reflection Your reflection and feedback is important! • Complete the Feedback Form anonymously and hand it in
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