Boundaries in Relationships Infatuation vs Love Infatuation is

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Boundaries in Relationships

Boundaries in Relationships

Infatuation vs. Love • Infatuation is an a short-lived passion about someone or something.

Infatuation vs. Love • Infatuation is an a short-lived passion about someone or something. • Love is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Examples of Infatuation • • • • • Is common during teen years Grows

Examples of Infatuation • • • • • Is common during teen years Grows rapidly-“love at first sight” Does not last long Occurs shortly after breaking up with someone – known as “on the rebound” Is centered on a few admire traits in the other person Is often based on physical traits of feelings Does not see or acknowledge the other person’s weaknesses The relationship stays the same for a long time – does not “do anywhere” Selfish and possessive of the other person – jealousy Disagreements are common Daydream – cannon concentrate on necessary tasks May lose your appetite Is easily influenced by the person they are infatuated with Creates a selfish relationship – “How can he/she help me get what I want? ” Other people’s opinions matter too much May be based on physical enjoyment – a couple who finds themselves bored without physical stimulation is definitely in the infatuation stage. Feelings of insecurity Lack of trust in partner Feels a real need to marry Causes lack of ambition and to disregard problems

Examples of Love • • • • Grows slowly, beginning with friendship lasts over

Examples of Love • • • • Grows slowly, beginning with friendship lasts over along period of time Involves the entire character and personality of the partner The relationship grows and matures as time passes little jealousy- accepting of one another’s feelings Work harder at assigned tasks Less emotional and moody- more happy and kind Opinion of other people are not as important Fun times and friendship are more important than a physical relationship Share common interests Enjoy being together without need of expensive entertainment Trust and have confidence in self and in the relationship Trust the partner There is no rush to make decisions – the future is planned with confidence More vital, more energy

Intimacy Funnel Holding Hands Kissing Making Out Petting Intercourse

Intimacy Funnel Holding Hands Kissing Making Out Petting Intercourse

Commitment Funnel Dating Going Steady Courtship Engagement Marriage

Commitment Funnel Dating Going Steady Courtship Engagement Marriage

The Funnel Problem (Young Ladies) • Young ladies are not always comfortable moving all

The Funnel Problem (Young Ladies) • Young ladies are not always comfortable moving all the way through the intimacy funnel, funnel but may willing do so in hopes that their relationship pours into the commitment funnel Intimacy Funnel Commitment Funnel

The Funnel Problem (Young Men) • Young men who are not interested in committed

The Funnel Problem (Young Men) • Young men who are not interested in committed relationships may convince young ladies that moving through the intimacy tunnel will lead to commitment. • The reality is that the end of the intimacy funnel is as far as the “relationship” will ever go. • These young men are only looking for sex, not relationships Intimacy Funnel Commitment Funnel

Consent Video Running Time: 2: 49 https: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=e. S 5 w.

Consent Video Running Time: 2: 49 https: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=e. S 5 w. YFtfae. U

Affirmative Consent “Affirmative consent” means affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual

Affirmative Consent “Affirmative consent” means affirmative, conscious, and voluntary agreement to engage in sexual activity. It is the responsibility of each person involved in the sexual activity to ensure that he or she has the affirmative consent of the other or others to engage in the sexual activity. Lack of protest or resistance does not mean consent, nor does silence mean consent. Affirmative consent must be ongoing throughout a sexual activity and can be revoked at any time. The existence of a dating relationship between the persons involved, or the fact of past sexual relations between them, should never by itself be assumed to be an indicator of consent. Source: https: //leginfo. legislature. ca. gov/faces/bill. Nav. Client. xhtml? bill_id=201320140 SB 967

If you are considering when to have sex… • You should feel comfortable with

If you are considering when to have sex… • You should feel comfortable with your decision. • Talk with your partner about safe sex practices, like getting tested for STIs and considering birth control options. • Be honest with yourself and your partner. If you’re not ready, that’s ok and your partner should respect it. • If something scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable, you can say no at any time. • You have the right to talk openly and honestly about your fears, worries and feelings. • If your partner tries to threaten or pressure you into having sex, it can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. You deserve better. • No matter how long you’ve been with someone or how many times you’ve done something, you have the right to say no at anytime for any reason. • If someone won’t take no for an answer and repeatedly pressures you verbally, emotionally or physically it can be a sign of abuse. • You have control over your body, and no one else has the right to tell you what to do with it. http: //www. loveisrespect. org/healthy-relationships/sex-and-healthy-relationships/

Sex Continuum Where will you draw the line? No Sex Before Marriage “Free” Love

Sex Continuum Where will you draw the line? No Sex Before Marriage “Free” Love In Love Married

Establishing Boundaries • Good fences make good neighbors, and nowhere is this more true

Establishing Boundaries • Good fences make good neighbors, and nowhere is this more true than in your romantic relationship. But many people hide their stance on a subject, or at least soften it, to be more likable at the start of a new relationship. • “I like hanging out with your family every weekend. ” • “Your vegetarianism is no problem for me. I hardly eat meat now anyway. ” Source: https: //www. anunclutteredlife. com/boundaries/

Establishing Boundaries • Over time, it becomes too difficult to move that boundary back

Establishing Boundaries • Over time, it becomes too difficult to move that boundary back to where it feels right for you. • It’s confusing to your partner, who thought you liked things this way because you always went along with it before. • Oddly, you make your life less desirable in order to be more desirable to your partner. Source: https: //www. anunclutteredlife. com/boundaries/

Walls vs. Fences • Walls are built to keep people out, figuratively and literally.

Walls vs. Fences • Walls are built to keep people out, figuratively and literally. • Fences, Fences on the other hand, are built to maintain a peaceful coexistence with others. You can usually see right through a fence. It is simply a demarcation of the boundaries of your property. It’s a public statement on where you stand on issues. Source: https: //www. anunclutteredlife. com/boundaries/

Fences Define Relationships • Fences establish what you are willing to allow into your

Fences Define Relationships • Fences establish what you are willing to allow into your relationships and what you wish to keep out. • Fences are your bondaries “Everyone pushes a falling fence. ” ~ Chinese proverb Source: https: //www. anunclutteredlife. com/boundaries/

Establishing Boundaries 1. Know where you stand on the important issues. When you know

Establishing Boundaries 1. Know where you stand on the important issues. When you know for sure how you want to be treated, it makes it easier to clearly state this to another person. Begin by asking yourself every day if you’re okay with what’s going on around you. If not, why? If it’s not clear to you, it won’t be clear to your partner. Source: https: //www. anunclutteredlife. com/boundaries/

Establishing Boundaries 2. State your boundaries along with a consequence. “I understand you are

Establishing Boundaries 2. State your boundaries along with a consequence. “I understand you are really frustrated at work right now, but I’m not okay with you taking it out on me when you get home. The next time it happens I’m going to suggest you burn it off at the gym and I’m going to leave the room. ” You can’t control the other person’s actions, but you can control your response. Source: https: //www. anunclutteredlife. com/boundaries/

Establishing Boundaries 3. Test your boundaries. As you evolve as a human, your priorities

Establishing Boundaries 3. Test your boundaries. As you evolve as a human, your priorities and feelings will change. It’s important to question yourself on a regular basis to make sure the beliefs and ideas you hold are still true. When your boundaries change, it’s time to move your fences and let the other person know. Source: https: //www. anunclutteredlife. com/boundaries/

Conflict Resolution Strategies Focus on the problem, not the person. When a disagreement turns

Conflict Resolution Strategies Focus on the problem, not the person. When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, or mocking tones, the conversation is no longer productive. Be careful to focus on the problem without placing blame on your partner. If a disagreement becomes personal, you should pause the conversation. Source: Therapist. Aid. com

Conflict Resolution Strategies Use reflective listening. Before responding to your partner, restate what they

Conflict Resolution Strategies Use reflective listening. Before responding to your partner, restate what they have said to you in your own words. Continue this process until your partner agrees that you understand. Next, share your side. Your partner should reflect back your ideas in their own words until they too understand. Source: Therapist. Aid. com

Conflict Resolution Strategies Use “I” statements. When sharing a concern, begin your sentence with

Conflict Resolution Strategies Use “I” statements. When sharing a concern, begin your sentence with “I”. For example: “I feel hurt when you don’t tell me you’ll be late”. With this sentence format we show that we are taking responsibility for our own emotion rather than blaming our partner. The alternative sentence—“You never tell me when you’re going to be late”—will often cause a partner to become defensive. Source: Therapist. Aid. com

On Your Own

On Your Own