Beyond Attachment 101 RC Refresher on Attachment and

Risking Connection® Framework Childhood Traumatic Events/ACEs Disrupted Development Attachments Body and brain Self capacities: Inner Connection Current Stressor Worthy of Life gs n i l e e F e tolerabl In Feelings Management Acts to Relieve Feelings Retreats, hurts self, or hurts others © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute Adaptive: Helps in the moment, hurts in the long run 2

Attachment Under Normative Conditions Attachment is an essential part of being human. Attachment is the foundation for regulation and management of stress. From early relationships children develop expectations about the nature of relationships. © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 3

Attachment under Normative Conditions (2) Attachment is an innate biological response to stress. Danger/vulnerability Physiological arousal Heightens attachment needs Child sends distress signal Draws attention of caregiver who reestablishes closeness and protection Reunion reduces physiological arousal and emotional distress Return to regulated calm state © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 4

Attachment under Normative Conditions (3) This process happens thousands of times during normal development. Continual rupture and repair of relationship Children, over time, begin to learn to regulate their own distress. © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 5

Attachment and Attunement Babies grow and develop connections in their brains through attunement Necessary at all stages of life Sense of being seen and known Matching of affect, tone, pace, distance Promotes calming and soothing Develops ability to know self and to self-regulate © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 6

Idea of the Secure Base Circle of Security (Powell, Cooper, Hoffman, and Marvin, 2014)

Exercise • Attunement/Mirroring Exercise 8 © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered

Exercise Trainer role play © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark

Attachment Styles • Secure • Insecure – Avoidant – Anxious/Ambivalent – Disorganized © 2006

Secure Child When reunited with the parent in the strange situation, secure children actively look for contact with caregivers, makes eye contact, are calmed by them, and then quickly return to exploring the world around them. They show pleasure when they see their caregivers and relax in their presence. © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 11

Anxious/Ambivalent Child “If attachment theory is correct, the insecurely attached child had developed a strategy for dealing with his mother’s unavailability and inconsistency. The ambivalent child…is desperately trying to influence the parent. He is hooked by the fact that she does indeed come through on occasion. He picks up that she will respond sometimes – perhaps out of guilt – if he pleads and makes a big enough fuss. And so he is constantly trying to hold on to her or punish her for being unavailable. He is wildly addicted to her and to his efforts to make her change. ” (Karen, 1990) © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute

Avoidant Child • “The avoidant child takes the opposite tack. He becomes angry and distant (even though he remains no less attached). His pleas for attention have been painfully rejected, and reaching out seems impossible. The child seems to say, ‘Who needs you– I can do it on my own!’ Often in conjunction with this attitude, grandiose ideas about the self develop: ‘I am great. I don’t need anybody. ’ Indeed, some parents unwittingly promote such grandiosity in the child. If the mother can convince herself that the child is vastly superior to other children, she has an excuse for her lack of nurturing behavior…” (Karen, 1990). © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute

Disorganized Child “These children often display contradictory behaviors. The may start to approach their parents, then appear disoriented and abruptly turn away. They do not have an organized strategy for regaining proximity and care from parents in times of stress…” (Kagan, 2004). “…these children seem to be seeking and fearing their caregiver at the same time…” (Powell et al. , 2014) © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute

SECURE ATTACHMENT RELATED, ABLE TO DEPEND TOO MUCH DEPEND TOO LITTLE Strategy with balance AMBIVALENT Strategy, out of balance AVOIDANT Strategy, out balance DISORGANIZED No strategy © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute AUTONOMY; CAN EXPLORE TOO LITTLE AUTONOMY; EXPLORE TOO LITTLE TOO MUCH AUTONOMY; EXPLORE TOO MUCH TOO LITTLE AUTONOMY Jon Allen, July 2014

Videos Attachment styles © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of

Exercise Attachment Styles and Our Clients © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a

Exercise: Attachment as Predictor of Later Life Behavior • Secure • Insecure – Anxious/Ambivalent – Avoidant – Disorganized © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute

Match Behavior With Style 1. John moves from partner to partner without caring much about getting close. 2. Susie feels like she has to say “yes” to sex or else her partner will leave her and she cannot let that happen. 3. For Shelly it is the last straw. Her boyfriend has stood her up one too many times with no explanation. She is angry and she let him know it. She’s also sad and disappointed, but she will move on. It’s times like that she just needs to be with her girlfriends. 4. Jack wants to get together with his partner every day after school. When his partner had other plans one day, Jack was texting the person every hour to say hi and see what was happening. When the partner did not text back, Jack got furious and went to find the person. 5. Bill is crushed when his partner broke up with him. He needs some support so goes home for that weekend and lets his mom cook his favorite meals. He lets his closest friends know and they made sure to include him in plans. Slowly, he begins to feel better. 6. Sally would fall madly for guys, usually guys with explosive tempers. She’d get really close to them and then threaten to break up. When they would get angry, she’d be terrified of them. © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 19

Risking Connection® Framework Childhood Traumatic Events/ACEs Disrupted Development Attachments Body and brain Self capacities: Inner Connection Current Stressor Worthy of Life lings e e F e l b Intolera Feelings Management Acts to Relieve Feelings Retreats, hurts self, or hurts others © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute Adaptive: Helps in the moment, hurts in the long run 20

How the Nervous System Responds to Danger Signals Something’s wrong! Am I safe? I’ll check it out… The Body Reacts: • Extreme alertness • Non-essential bodily functions stop • Focused thinking to assess danger Safe! Body calms, often with help of supportive others © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute Danger! If threat assessed as real, body goes into fight, flight or freeze 21

Malfunctioning Danger Response After chronic trauma, very small triggers can activate the danger response • Echo to old trauma • Hyper-arousal • Extreme alertness • Non-essential bodily functions stop CAN’ T THINK responses e z e e fr r /o d n a t h ig fl t, Extreme figh Rollercoaster from “on” to “shut down” Stuck in “on” © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute Numb, “shut down” 22

The Three Feelings Skills: Self Capacities 1. Inner connection to others 2. Feeling worthy of life 3. Managing feelings © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 23

Inner Connection to Others The ability to form connections with positive others AND To hold onto that connection when the other is not physically present © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 24

Worthy of Life The ability to hold onto a sense of oneself as deserving

Feelings Management The ability to soothe oneself when having strong feelings. © 2006 Sidran

Exercise Terrence and Tyrone -- How Attachment Relates to Biology and Self-Capacities © 2006

What Is Countertransference? The feelings, thoughts, and physical responses a treater has to a client Countertransference is a normal part of our work. P. 127 © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 28

Using Countertransference as a Tool: Three Steps Notice it. Understand it. Employ it to make the relationship with your client stronger. pp. 149 -153 © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute 29

Exercise: Attachment and Countertransference © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark

Summary • We are attachment figures for our clients. • Every interaction can offer a different healthy model of relating or fall into same destructive patterns. • Our settings need to be as attuned and responsive as possible. • The better you know yourself and the better your program functions as a team, the less you get pulled into destructive attachment patterns. © 2006 Sidran Institute. Risking Connection® is a registered trademark of Sidran Institute