Bereavement Loss Lesley Williams Educational Psychologist lesley williamswestlothian

Bereavement & Loss Lesley Williams (Educational Psychologist) lesley. williams@westlothian. gov. uk PSW conference 19 th September 2017 DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Outline �Factors affecting reactions to loss and grief �Responses to grief �Children’s understanding of death �What can I do? �Time to look at resources / handout / discussion DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

What types of loss or change might a young person experience? DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Move school Angry at relationship breakdown Fearful about being left alone Financial worries Divorce / Separation Loss of familiar family Loss of routines Loss of home Move school Loss of choice Loss of community Loss of hobbies LAC Loss of familiar family DATA LABEL: PUBLIC Loss of home Loss of friends

How many children face the challenge of bereavement? � A parent of children under 18 dies every 22 minutes in the UK: 111 children are bereaved of a parent every day: 80 every week in Scotland � Around 1 in 29 children aged 5 -16 in the UK have been bereaved of a parent or sibling � This equates to 24, 000 5 -16 year olds in Scotland having been bereaved of a parent or sibling during childhood � In a sample of 11 -16 year olds 78% said they had been bereaved of a close relative or friend CBN 2015 DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Local Statistics West Lothian �We estimate that each year, around 80 parents die in this area, leaving around 140 dependent children (aged 0 to 17). �We estimate that the current school-age population of children and young people (aged 5 to 16) in this area who have been bereaved of a parent or sibling at some point in their childhood is around 960. http: //www. childhoodbereavementnetwork. org. uk/research/local-statistics. aspx DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

The individual, developmental age, personality, background Circumstances of death / dying Factors affecting reactions to loss and grief Relationship with person who died ‘Support’ environment DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Responses to Grief Shock/Denial Acceptance Anger Depression Bargaining/ Guilt DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Children’s understanding of death Age 2 -5 �Do not appreciate finality or permanence of death �May be confused over euphemisms such as ‘gone away’ or ‘gone to sleep’ �May require repeated explanations Age 5 -8 �Realise dead people are different from those who are alive �Around age 7 accept that death is permanent �Better able to express thoughts and feelings �Need to be given opportunity to ask questions DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Children’s understanding of death Age 8 -12 �Understanding almost matched that of an adult �Realisation of inevitability of death and awareness of own mortality �Need to know details and may ask specific questions Adolescence �May challenge beliefs and expectations of others as to how they should be feeling or behaving �Question meaning of life �May prefer to discuss with friends DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Think of a time when you have supported a young person dealing with change or loss: What did you do? What worked? DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Supporting a bereaved pupil �Try not to judge �Check out the facts �Acknowledge what has happened �Responses will vary �Children and young people need honesty �Be prepared to listen �Give bereaved pupils time DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Things to consider • Time out cards – special cards giving the young person permission to leave the class when feeling overwhelmed, emotional. • Support the young person to express their grief if appropriate. • Access to a quiet space for time out and reflection if required. • More intensive support from pastoral care staff. • Access to a counsellor, if there is one, and/or local services as appropriate. DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

As time passes… �be prepared to listen, again and again �give bereaved pupils time. It may be many months before they can fully cope with the pressures of school work. Remember that they will be grieving for life and the loss will always be with them. �offer tailor made support if required, for example, Give us a Break! or by referring into a local service provider. �be aware of important dates such as the anniversary of the death, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and so on. DATA LABEL: PUBLIC

Supporting bereaved children and young people with ASD �Mindblindness �Information processing �Language and communication �Preoccupations �Imagination, time perception and memory �Finding your own way to grieve by Karla Helbert �Autism and Loss by Rachel Forrester-Jones and Sarah Broadhurst DATA LABEL: PUBLIC