Becoming Gendered The Early Years Chapter 7 Entering

Becoming Gendered: The Early Years Chapter 7

Entering a Gendered Society �We are born into a gendered society �Infants interact with others and develop personal identity

Self-as-Object �Humans are able to reflect on themselves �Self-as-object = ability to think about ourselves and reflect and respond to ourselves

Self-as-Object �Look at ourselves through eyes of others �At first, others’ views of us are external �Gradually we internalize what others say about us ◦ Their views become key to how see ourselves

Self-as-Object �Standpoint, anthropological, and queer performative theories demonstrate variation in what is considered feminine and masculine

Monitoring �We are able to monitor ourselves �We observe and regulate our attitudes and behaviors �We use symbols to define who we are

Monitoring �Monitoring - engage in internal dialogues with others’ perspectives we internalized �Remind what others have told us we are supposed to think, do, look like, feel �Remind what others have told us is appropriate for age, sex

Monitoring �Personal identity is social ◦ Influenced by family and society �Even when we don’t identify with prevailing social perspectives

Gendering Communication �Families are a primary influence on gender identity

Unconscious Processes �Insight into unconscious dynamics comes from psychoanalytic theories ◦ Person’s core identity shaped in early years of life

Unconscious Processes �Psychoanalytic theory originated with Freud ◦ Claimed anatomy is destiny

Unconscious Processes �Biology determines which parent child will identify with ◦ Will determine how child’s psyche develops

Unconscious Processes �At early age, children of both sexes focus on penis �Boys identify with father �Girls recognize similarity to mother

Unconscious Processes �Girls - mother responsible for lack of penis �Boys - father has power to castrate �Both see father/penis as power

Unconscious Processes �Limited empirical support for Freud’s theory �More recent scholars: ◦ Females do not envy penis ◦ May envy power it symbolizes

Unconscious Processes �Families critical to formation of gender identity �During earliest stages of life children depend on and identify with caregiver ◦ Woman often primary caregiver

Unconscious Processes �Children of both sexes form first identification with adult woman ◦ Around 3, male and female development diverge ◦ Girls continue to identify with mother

Unconscious Processes �Boys lessen identification with mother �Focus on identifying with male �Complicated when father not highly involved in boy’s life

Unconscious Processes �Fathers in our era: ◦ Closer relationships with sons ◦ Sons perceive fathers as less affectionate than fathers perceive themselves

Unconscious Processes �Masculine gender can be difficult to grasp if lack strong relationship with male �Boys define masculinity in negative terms – not like mother

Unconscious Processes �Girls given rewards for being Mommy’s helper �See mother as role model for femininity

Unconscious Processes �Boys rewarded for being independent �Roam from home to find companions

Unconscious Processes �Boys’ social development - large groups with temporary memberships �Girls’ social development – continuing, personal relationships

Unconscious Processes �Boys become achieving and independent �Girls become nurturing and relationally oriented

Unconscious Processes �Girls continue to seek close relationships �Place importance on personal communication throughout life

Unconscious Processes �Boys learn to define themselves independently of others �Maintain distance from others

Unconscious Processes �Children of single-parents difficulty finding models of both genders �Single-father families cohesive ◦ Single-father-child discussions more elaborate

Unconscious Processes �Develop preferences while socialized ◦ Men and women with masculine inclinations – value independence

Unconscious Processes �Develop preferences while socialized ◦ Women and men with feminine inclinations – value relationships

Ego Boundaries �Ego boundaries = point which individual stops and rest of world begins �Distinguish self from everyone and everything else �Linked to gender identity

Ego Boundaries �Feminine gender identity ◦ Emphasize interrelatedness with others ◦ Permeable ego boundaries ◦ Tend to be empathetic ◦ Become involved with others and neglect own needs ◦ Feel responsible for others

Ego Boundaries �Masculine gender identity ◦ Firm ego boundaries ◦ Less likely to experience others’ feelings ◦ Keep distance from others ◦ Others’ feelings distinct from their own

Ego Boundaries �Women’s ego boundaries more permeable than those of men �Women comfortable feeling connected to others, sense lives are interwoven with others, uneasy with those who want high degree of independence

Ego Boundaries �Men have firm ego boundaries �Feel secure when autonomy high, feel suffocated in extremely close relationships

Parental Communication �Girls rewarded for being helpful, nurturing, deferential ◦ At times for being assertive, athletic, smart �Boys rewarded for being competitive, independent, assertive

Parental Communication �Parents’ communication reflects parents’ gender stereotypes �Within 24 hours of birth, parents respond to babies in terms of gender ◦ Boys = strong, hardy, big, active, alert ◦ Girls = small, dainty, delicate

Parental Communication �Parents may communicate different expectations about achievement to sons than daughters �This may vary according to subculture

Parental Communication �Parents convey messages about assertiveness and aggressiveness to sons and daughters �Children learn to express differently ◦ Girls develop less direct ways of expressing aggression

Parental Communication �Fathers encourage genderappropriate behaviors �Fathers tend to: ◦ Talk more with daughters ◦ Engage in more activities with sons

Parental Communication �Mothers talk more about emotions with daughters �Daughters disclose more information to parents

Parental Communication �Mothers’ communication focuses on providing comfort, security, emotional development �More eye contact and face-to-face interaction

Parental Communication �Mothers repeat infant daughters’ vocalizations more �Play with children at children’s level

Parental Communication �Today’s fathers talk more with children �Focus more on playing with children than taking care of them

Parental Communication �Encourage children to develop skills and meet challenges �Stretch children by urging to compete, take risks �Encourage initiative, achievement

Parental Communication �Fathers’ communication has strong impact on self-esteem �Focus communication on abilities, accomplishments, goals

Parental Communication �Mothers more likely to talk about sex topics with children, particularly daughters �Girls who talk to mothers about sex are more likely to have conservative sexual values

Parental Communication �Fathers don’t talk directly about sex with children �Talk to daughters about related issues �Both parents talk more with daughters about sex than sons

Parental Communication �Parents communicate gender expectations through toys and clothes �Some actively discourage interests associated with other gender

Parental Communication �Feminine toys encourage quiet, nurturing interaction with others, verbal communication �Masculine toys promote independent, competitive activities, little verbal interaction

Parental Communication �Parents who limit toys limit children’s development of various ways of thinking and interacting

Parental Communication �Parents communicate expectations through chores ◦ Girls more responsible for domestic duties ◦ Boys more responsible for outdoor work

Parental Communication �Gender socialization more rigid for boys than for girls �Fathers more insistent on gender stereotypes for sons

Parental Modeling �Parents most visible models of masculinity and femininity �Families in our era are diverse �Single mothers provide more multifaceted models for women’s roles �Single fathers provide more multifaceted roles of manhood

Parental Modeling �More women live without a spouse than with one ◦ Percentage varies by race

Parental Modeling • 53%-75% of mothers work outside home �Half of white men and one third of black mean bring in at least 70% of family income � 30% women in dual-worker family make more money than male partner

Parental Modeling �Gay and lesbian parents becoming more visible �Some have children through technology or adoption �Some parent older children from previous unions

Parental Modeling �Blended families common �Many children live with stepfamily ◦ Able to observe multiple models of gender ◦ More diverse ideas of how families can work and gender can be embodied

Parental Modeling �Parents model attitudes about appearance �Fathers who work out encourage sons to play sports ◦ Physical strength is masculine

Parental Modeling �Mothers remark about weight and eating ◦ Communicate to be feminine is to be thin ◦ Daughters should strive for thinness

Parental Modeling �First years not absolute determinants of gender across life span �Personal gender identity changes over time as develop and interact with diverse people

Personal Side of Gender Drama �Gender is deeply personal �Each of us work to define and express our own gender

Growing Up Masculine �Many variations of masculinity �Six themes of masculinity

Growing Up Masculine � 1. Don’t be female ◦ Peer pressure to be tough ◦ Insults suggest feminine

Growing Up Masculine � 2. Be successful ◦ Expected to be successful at sports ◦ Expected to achieve professional status ◦ Regarded as success objects

Growing Up Masculine � 3. Be aggressive ◦ Rewarded for being daredevils ◦ Not to run from confrontation ◦ Sports participation ◦ Be aggressive in profession ◦ Don’t seek help when depressed

Growing Up Masculine 3. Be aggressive ◦ Aggression may be linked to violence

Growing Up Masculine � 3. Be aggressive ◦ Think entitled to dominate women �Women and men who are violent toward dates have masculine orientation

Growing Up Masculine � 4. Be sexual ◦ Expected to have number of sexual partners �Pressure especially strong for black males

Growing Up Masculine � 5. Be self-reliant ◦ Depends on himself, relies on nobody ◦ Differentiation from others ◦ Emotionally controlled

Growing Up Masculine � 6. Embody and transcend traditional views of masculinity ◦ Men pressured by other men to enforce masculine code ◦ Also pressured from females to be more sensitive and emotionally open

Growing Up Masculine �Men who do not measure up may experience depression �Unwilling to seek help due to views of masculinity �Men 4 times more likely to commit suicide

Growing Up Masculine �New trend among young men is resistance to growing up as fathers and grandfathers did �Extending adolescence ◦ Spend years avoiding commitments �Societal confusion about how to be a man

Growing Up Feminine �Two versions of femininity exist today ◦ Women now have it all ◦ It is not possible to have it all

Growing Up Feminine �Women may be able to get jobs, but only 20% will advance to highest levels �Rape is rising �Battering of women is rising �Women have careers, but still do majority of housework

Growing Up Feminine �Media carry message youth and beauty are ticket to success �Leads to five themes of femininity

Growing Up Feminine � 1. Appearance still counts ◦ Women urged to be pretty, slim, well dressed ◦ Focus begins in early years of life �Dolls come with accessories – some model fashion-conscious sexuality as ideal

Growing Up Feminine �See examples of Bratz dolls at: �http: //www. bratz. com/ �See an example of teen magazine for girls at: ◦ http: //www. cosmogirl. com/

Growing Up Feminine � 1. Appearance still counts ◦ Teen magazines for girls saturated with ads for make-up, diet aids, hair products ◦ Adolescent romance novels send message popularity depends on looks, engaging in casual sex, being rich and thin

Growing Up Feminine � 1. Appearance still counts ◦ Ideal of thinness can lead to fatal eating disorders ◦ Most store mannequins are size 4 or lower ◦ Stores hire young, sexy employees

Growing Up Feminine � 1. Appearance still counts ◦ Women athletes feel pressure to look feminine

Growing Up Feminine � 2. Be sensitive and caring ◦ Pressure to be nice, deferential, helpful ◦ Supposed to care about others ◦ Primary responsibility for young children and elderly, sick, and disabled relatives

Growing Up Feminine � 2. Be sensitive and caring ◦ Encouraged to please others ◦ Encouraged to look attractive ◦ Taught to soften opinions and accommodate others ◦ Difficult to share homemaking and parenting roles

Growing Up Feminine � 3. Negative treatment by others ◦ More subject to sexual assault ◦ More likely to live in poverty ◦ More likely to face salary and job discrimination

Growing Up Feminine � 3. Negative treatment by others ◦ Children learn society values women differently than men ◦ Family preference for sons �In some cultures female fetuses aborted, or female infants killed

Growing Up Feminine � 3. Negative treatment by others ◦ Websites feature beatings and sexual assaults on women ◦ Rap refers to women in derogatory terms and shows men abusing them ◦ Video games – points for mauling women

Growing Up Feminine � 3. Negative treatment by others ◦ Begins early in peer groups ◦ Critical of other girls �May take part in social aggression � Indirect, covert �Peaks from 10 -14

Growing Up Feminine � 3. Negative treatment by others ◦ Girls fear being overtly mean would lead to disapproval ◦ Girls learn to hide feelings of anger and express indirectly

Growing Up Feminine � 4. To be a superwoman ◦ Women feel they are required to have it all ◦ Takes physical and psychological toll ◦ Growing steadily

Growing Up Feminine � 5. There is no single meaning of feminine anymore ◦ Ambitious career woman may be met with approval or disapproval ◦ Stay-at-home mother may be met with criticism or respect

Growing Up Feminine � 5. There is no single meaning of feminine anymore ◦ Themes reveal constancy and change ◦ Expectations for attractiveness and caring persist ◦ Still greater likelihood for negative treatment

Growing Up Feminine � 5. There is no single meaning of feminine anymore ◦ Multiple definitions of womanhood may allow women to define themselves

Growing Up Outside Conventional Roles �For people who do not identify with and perform normative gender, sexuality – growing up difficult ◦ Gay men ostracized ◦ Lesbians scorned

Growing Up Outside Conventional Roles �Transgendered socially isolated �Hard to find role models �Hard to find acceptance

Growing Up Outside Conventional Roles Seldom made identities or struggles public Changing as people demand recognition