Be RESPECTFUL Be RESPONSIBLE Be EMPATHETIC Be HONEST

What’s the Line? Why do we care? Everyone has a "line" at which they best engage. This is your normal, calm and best problem solving state. Why we care: You’re in high school now The stakes are higher than they’ve been before with grades, expectations and future readiness. Difficult conversations, disagreements and conflict are a normal part of your everyday experience both inside and out of the high school. Conflict is not always bad, and a disagreement does not have to be a personal insult. We want to help you navigate tough conversations so you can have the best results when you’re working with someone around a conflict.

What does this have to do with me? Sometimes tough conversations, anxiety, or ups and downs in our day can put us above or below the line, making it difficult for us to effectively communicate our needs and concerns. Have you ever had a disagreement with your parents? Have you ever seen someone in class act out? Have you ever seen something seemingly small set someone off?

What That Looks Like: Peak Emotion Escalation (triggers) Cool Down Your Line Low Point Back to Your Line

Reflection • Being mindful of our own emotional state is the most powerful thing we can be in charge of when a problem arises. • What are your “triggers” or things that bring you above or below the line? • What does that look like for you? How might you act or respond to someone when you are escalated or down?

What can bring you back to the line? Think: Submarine, something that brings you DOWN when you’ve gone above the line… Examples? Ø Now think: Trampoline, something that can bring you UP when you’ve gone below the line… Ø Examples?

Tips: Ø Write it down Ø Take the emotion out of the situation Ø Schedule an appointment Ø Role play with a trusted friend. Ø Allow time and space for each party to return to the line. Reminder: the best conversations and problem solving happens when both parties are at the line. How might you gauge if someone else is above or below the line?

Examples: Discuss with a neighbor Stephanie worked really hard on her English essay. She put in more hours than most of her peers, and tried her very best. When her paper was handed back to her she was disappointed to see she got a “B”. Before her teacher could finish passing back the papers, Stephanie blurts to her teacher, “A B? ! You’ve got to be kidding me! Ms. Smith, we need to talk about this RIGHT NOW. ” • Is Stephanie above or below the line? • Where does her approach put Ms. Smith? • What submarine strategies might Stephanie use to come back to her line?

Examples: Discuss with a neighbor Stan is at basketball game and is feeling pretty tired because he stayed up too late studying for his exam the night before. His coach notices and benches him for poor defense. Stan shrugs and says, “yeah, I’m the worst at everything. ” as he sulks back to the bench. • Is Stan above or below the line? • How might this affect his coach? • What trampoline strategies might Stan use to come back to the line?

Examples: Discuss with a neighbor Jerry was already having a rough day. His alarm didn’t go off in the morning, he missed breakfast, and forgot his homework for his first period class. While reviewing current events in history class, there was a debate about immigration. Jerry’s parents are immigrants and he felt outraged by the conversation, so he slammed his books on the table and stormed out of the room. Later he felt so bad about his response that he cried and felt too embarrassed to return to class. • What were some of the “triggers” in this story? • Where was Jerry on the line? • Could Jerry have avoided hitting his peak emotion? • When would be a good time for Jerry to apologize for his actions? • What ‘submarines’ and what ‘trampolines’ would you suggest for Jerry?

Not all conflict is bad. It is okay to have a difference of opinion and good conversations around that can lead to a positive learning experience. The way you respond to a situation is within your control, and can inform the way that someone responds to you. Sometimes submarines and trampolines can be the same thing- and they can be as simple as taking some space to cool down.

• • • Questions? Comments? Concerns?