Be Proactive Insideout l l Outward success Inward

Be Proactive

Inside-out l l Outward success Inward success

The personality and character ethics l l l l The primary and secondary greatness The power of a paradigm shift Being and seeing The principle centered paradigm Principles of growth and change The way we see problem is the problem

What Governs Individual Behavior? l Genetic determinism – It is in the genes. l Psychic determinism – upbringing, childhood experience, past emotional scripting. l Environmental determinism – School, spouse, boss, economic situation, national policies etc.

Pavlovian Theory Stimulus Response To what extent theory holds good? Does it become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

The Four Unique Human Endowments l Self-awareness l Imagination l Conscience l Independent will

The Story of Victor Frankl l l Psychiatrist raised in Freudian tradition. Lost everyone except his one sister in the Nazi camps. Suffered torture and innumerable indignities. Lived extremely precarious and uncertain life. Yet proactively made use of the unique human endowments.

l He decided that he would not let his present adversely affect him. l He discovered the fundamental human principle - Between stimulus and response human beings have the ultimate freedom – “the freedom to choose”.

l Frankl exercised his small embryonic freedom; it grew larger and larger, until he had more freedom than his Nazi captors. l He became an inspiration to those around him including some guards. l He helped others find meaning in their sufferings and dignity in their existence.

Proactive Model Stimulus Freedom to Choose Response Independent Will Self Awareness Imagination Conscience

Proactivity Defined l I assume responsibility for my life. l I accept that my behavior is a function of my decisions and not conditions. l I can subordinate my feelings to values. l I have the initiative to make things happen.

Proactivity versus Reactivity l l l Blame circumstances conditions or conditioning Are defensive Are driven by feelings & impulses Their responses are instant and not thought over Blame others for their actions. l l l Do not blame circumstances, conditions or conditioning Are open minded Are driven by carefully thought over and selected values They choose their response Assume responsibility for their actions

The difference in Language l l l l l Let’s look at the alternatives There’s nothing I can do l I can choose a different That’s just the way I am approach l I control my own feelings He makes me so mad l I can make an effective They won’t allow that presentation I have to do that l I will choose an appropriate response I can’t l I choose I must l I prefer If only l I will A serious problem with our language is that it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy

The difference in Language (cont. ) Emphasis on “have” l If only I had a boss who wasn’t such a dictator. l If only I had a husband who was more patient. l If I had my degree. l If I could have more time for myself. l I will be happy when I have my house paid off. Emphasis on “Be” l I want to be different. l I can be more efficient. l I can be more loving. l I can be more wise. l I can be more patient. l I can be more resourceful l I can be more diligent. l I need to be a better listener. l I need to be more happy.

“We need to understand that unless we assume responsibility for our behavior, we cannot think of changing it”

“No one can hurt you without your consent” Eleanor Roosevelt “They cannot take our self respect, if we do not give it to them” Mahatma Gandhi

It is our willing permission, our consent, our response to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happens to us in the first place Things can hurt us physically and economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all What matters most is how we respond to what we experience in life

Taking the Initiative l l Our basic nature is to act and not be acted upon. Yet majority of the people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them. Use your R & I. Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning, it is affirming their basic nature; it is awakening their dormant muscles of proactivity.

Different Circles No Concern Circle of Concern

Different Circles (Cont. ) Circle of Concern Circle of Influence

Proactive Focus Circle of Influence Concern

Reactive Focus Circle of Influence Concern

3 Types of Problems l Direct Control – problems involving our own behavior l Indirect Control – problem’s involving other people’s behavior. l No Control – We can do nothing about them.

“In choosing our response to the circumstance, we could powerfully affect our circumstance”

“Being Proactive doesn’t mean that one has to be pushy, aggressive or insensitive”

The Other End of Stick l l We are free to choose our actions, but we are not free the choose the consequences of those actions. Fixed & Variable Consequences: – – Dishonesty – Impact on character; Getting caught Giving – Happiness; gratitude/return giving

Mistakes (picking up the wrong end) l l Mistakes are out in the Circle of Concern – We cannot undo them. Reactive approach – being defensive; often involving rationalization (rational lies) to self and to others. Proactive approach – acknowledge it fast, correct and learn from it. Our response to any mistake affects the quality of the next moment.

Making & Keeping Commitments l l l To ourselves and to others. Clearest manifestation of Proactivity. . It is the essence of growth – Using self awareness and conscience, we become aware of our S&W and O&T. l l Using imagination and independent will, we develop and act on our plan/goals It essentially means that our honor is more important than our moods.

The Thirty Day Test l l l Work only on the circle of influence. Make small commitments and keep them. Be a light not a judge. Be a model not a critic. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Look at the weaknesses of others with compassion, not accusation.

“The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature to as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief that he proposes to remove” Samuel Johnson