BASIC NEEDS R Basic Needs Circle BELONGING POWER

BASIC NEEDS R

Basic Needs Circle BELONGING POWER Survival FUN FREEDOM R

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Relatedness Competence Deci & Ryan Autonomy Love Glasser S Fun Belonging Power Freedom Mastery First Nations Generosity Independence R

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FIVE BASIC NEEDS Excerpted from Restitution Basics by Anne O’Brien R

Belonging Behaviors w w w w Accepting Compliments Friendship Trust Self Assurance Outgoing Being With People Harmonizing Giving Helping Sharing Approachable Open Chaska High School Peer Counselors R

Belonging Circles R

Power Behavior w w w Looking for positives Displaying confidence Knowing who you are Making your own decisions Helping others Feeling equal to others Solving problems Being in control of yourself Taking control of a situation Directness Accepting different roles Not doing more than you should POWER DEFINITION The ability to create and maintain an impact on the world Chaska High School Peer Counselors R

SIX KINDS OF POWER Brainstorming Activity We can impact on: 1) OUR OWN BODIES Negative anorexia/bulimia slashing drug use Positive grooming/self/makeup exercising/dieting learning a language learning a new skill 2. THE INANIMATE WORLD Negative Positive steal a car clean the house vandalize build something complete a project 3. INFLUENCING OR CONTROLLING OTHER PEOPLE Negative Positive angering smiling guilting complimenting whining encouraging ignoring loving/caring sarcasm listening sighing touching depressing sexual contact People recognize all of the negative influencing behavior as controlling but too often fail to recognize the positive influence behaviors as controlling too. R

Fun Behaviors w w w w Laughing Creating Smiling Happiness Helping others Accepting reality Not worrying Making the most of a situation Varied interests Natural highs Enjoys little things Sense of humor Not taking things for granted Full of energy Taking life as it comes Having fun in whatever you are doing at the time Chaska High School Peer Counselors R

THIS IS FUN Looks Like Sounds Like THIS IS NOT FUN Looks Like Sounds Like R

Freedom Behaviors w w w Making your own decisions Exploring new opportunities Uniqueness Risk taking Tolerant Open Positive Expressing feelings Liking and knowing yourself Acting instead of dreaming Living in the moment Doing what you want R

Two Kinds of Freedom FREEDOM TO I might get more of what I want if I gave myself permission to: ACT_______________ THINK______________ FEEL______________ PHYSICALLY___________ FREEDOM FROM I might have more freedom if I let myself be less controlled by: _________________________ I might have more freedom if I felt less responsible for: __________________________ R

CHOICES w You always have choices. What are your freedom choices at: • Home • School • For Fun R

APPPLICATION OF NEEDS THEORY w Genetic intensity—Identify your largest need. w A difficult decision? Use the needs. w Analyze a relationship you’ve left using the needs. w Analyze an activity you enjoy using the needs. w Analyze your job using the needs. w Analyze the way you dress using the needs. w Analyze the vehicle you drive using the needs. w Analyze a class/course using the needs. w Analyze a friendship/relationship dynamic using the needs. w Analyze a staff meeting using the needs. R

How To Teach The Needs 1. Teach the needs. • Love, Power, Freedom, Fun, Survival (Glasser) • Relatedness, Competence, Autonomy (Deci & Ryan) • Medicine Wheel - Belonging, Mastery, Independence, Generosity 2. Have them fill out the four quadrants and share. 3. Identify activities that meet all their needs. 4. Identify areas that are more empty or more full. • Think of a totally need satisfying relationship you have. • Think of a relationship or job you left. What need/needs were not met. • Brainstorm how to have a more need satisfying classroom/workplace. 5. Teach genetic intensity of the needs. R

Needs Are Individual Now I want you to think about your needs. Which one do you think is the strongest for you. We are all different. The strongest one is the one that hurts the most when we don’t get it. • • I think my biggest need is ___________. I think my sister’s biggest need is ________. I think my brother’s biggest need is _______. I think my mom’s biggest need is ________. I think my dad’s biggest need is _________. I think my relative’s biggest need is _______. I think my teacher’s biggest need is _______. Go home tonight and talk about this. See if you can explain it. It will be fun to see what your family thinks. Sometimes people use a hand to remember the needs. Excerpted from Resolving Conflict Using Restitution by Diane Gossen R

BASIC NEEDS R

FAILURE IDENTITY Feel Not OK v v v v ACT OUT (Fight) Tantrums Fighting Swearing Complaining Destroying Stealing Sexual promiscuity Reckless driving WITHDRAWAL (Flight) Not paying attention Threatening suicide Skipping school Being depressed Daydreaming Getting sick Abusing drugs/alcohol Oversleeping SUCCESS IDENTITY Feel OK P LOVE AND BELONGING A POWER I FREEDOM N FUN SURVIVAL R

How Do They Learn? BELONGING Want to be liked Very sociable with parents Work for the teacher Peers are important Enjoy cooperative learning POWER Want to be in control Observe before trying new things Distressed by mistakes Very organized, systematic Like to be the best FREEDOM Want choices Need to move around Love to experiment Not so influenced by others Try anything new and engaging FUN Want to enjoy work Enormous concentration Collectors; love games Jokesters, clowns Amusing even when misbehaving R

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Needs Behind the Misbehavior (A RESTITUTION PRACTICE ACTIVITY) Bruce Innes Step 1 Give two examples of misbehavior (mini) that you did in school (age 6 -16) Step 2 Have each participant write down two mini misbehaviors they did when they were kids. One on each side of a 2 x 2 piece of paper or index card. Step 3 Split the group in two and have one group form an inside circle on chairs facing outward (back toward the middle). Step 4 Have the other half of the group form a circle around the inside group facing the inside group circle. (Each person should now have partner, one in inside circle, one in outside circle). Step 5 Have client start by reading their misbehavior and admitting they did this. Step 6 Counselors use “Needs Behind Misbehavior” script. Practice restitution skills. R

Needs Face-Off Mandy Wohlers Introduce the Needs w Have students define the needs Play “Needs Face-Off” w One student agrees to keep time. w One student agrees to keep score, give one point for “cheap” ways and 5 points for “deep” ways. Deep ways are ways that meet our need without hurting someone else. A cheap way is a down and dirty way to get our need met. It hurts someone else. w Two students volunteer to face-off. They stand face to face. One student chooses a need and they then take turns naming ways to get that need met until one can’t think of a way. Points are scored accordingly. For each need, two new students will face off, or the student who won the first round will face other challengers. R

Going from the Want to the Need w This exercise teaches that we have many wants for each need and that the system is flexible. Have each participant choose a want that they have which they can't get right now. It must be a true want in order for there to be energy in it. w What do you want? What do you really want? w What does it mean? What need would be met if you got what you wanted? Can you get what you want right now? (The answer should be "no". If the answer is "yes" the person should pick something else that they can't get right now. ) w If the answer is "no, " then the helper asks, "Is this need (love, power, fun, freedom) important to you? Do you still need to meet it? (self-evaluation) R

IF THE ANSWER IS “YES” w If the answer is "yes, " then say, "You can't always get what you want, but you can get some of what you need, so let's get at it. " w Help the person fill alternative wants circles which help meet the presented need. w Be sure that at least one of the alternate circles is conflicted (ie. is antithetical to the person's value system). Teach them that if the need is not met the system keeps behaving to get what is needed, and when frustrated, that system is amoral. (For example, the woman who woke up one morning presented with the thought, "This marriage would work better if I were an invalid. " That picture is one that though moderately need-fulfilling in one area is basically negative in terms of survival). w Application: This is especially effective with someone who has been "spinning his wheels" on one want (e. g. "I want him to love") and refusing to add new pictures to they system. Here it is important to say, "You'll always want what you want (e. g. that your husband were alive), however, you still have to meet your needs today, in this world. " R

YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT BUT YOU CAN GET SOME OF WHAT YOU NEED R