Avoiding Choppy sentnenceng Avoid choppy sentences Choppy sentences

Avoiding Choppy sentnenceng

Avoid choppy sentences Choppy sentences are a succession of short sentences without transitions to link them to each other. In choppy sentences, the repetition of simple sentences makes the passage sound disjointed, broken, and trivial. Therefore, your writing will read like an elementary school textbook or primer English: too simple to sustain an idea!

Varying the length and type of sentences To achieve a more flowing unity style, three steps should be followed: 1) Use conjunctions to combine simple sentences. 2) Use modifiers and specifics. 3) Put a clause or phrase between a subject and a predicate to vary structure. 4) Start a sentence with an adverbial rather than a subject.

Varying the length and type of sentences • Choppy: I am a student of Shunde Polytechnic. I am in Grade 3 now. I major in Business English. • Diagnose: There is a series of simple (subject-verb) sentences and a repetition of “I…. ”at the beginning of a sentence, which makes the writing boring and monotonous. Good writers will mix sentences: long and short, complex and simple. • Revised: I am a third year student at Shunde Polytechnic, majoring in Business English.

Varying the length and type of sentences • Choppy: I am writing to express our thanks. As you know, my wife visited your country last week. You are very kind to give her a warm welcome. • Diagnose: It is broken and trivial and cannot sustain a complete idea. • Revised : I am writing to tell you how very much I appreciate the warm welcome ( that ) you extended to my wife when she visited your country last week.

Teamwork In pairs, diagnose the following sentences and revise them. • Choppy: We regret to tell you that we have not received your L/C until today. This L/C is related to the above mentioned sales confirmation. The Sales Confirmation stipulated that the relevant L/C must reach us not later than the end of Aug. The arrival time of the L/C is overdue. Still we would like to ship your goods in view of long-standing friendy relationship between us. • Revised:

2. Choppy: This is to confirm your telex. In your telex, you asked us to make you firm offers. Revised: 3. Choppy: This is to inform you of an important message. We have received 12 cases of video-recorders. These goods were shipped by M. V. “Dado River ” for our Order No. 319. However, we have found that case No 5 was badly damaged. Revised:

Teamwork In pairs, study the business letter in the following box and revise it according to the directions listed. • • • Underline the words which are not clear. Add modifiers and specifics to achieve clarity. Avoid choppy sentences using conjunctions and other techniques. Format the letter into formal style by adding invented information. Exchange your letter with a student other than your partner. Note the differences and similarities in your answers. After reading each other’s answers and suggestions, see if you can make added improvements to your own letter.