At Table United Methodists Seeking a Way Forward
At Table: United Methodists Seeking a Way Forward
Our Assumptions 1. This is hard work 2. We must plan not to argue 3. Each church must work on its own question 4. This work is applicable to many issues
The Three Levels of Conversation
The Three Levels of Conversation 1. The “subject” (issue, problem event that people disagree on) 2. The feelings level 3. The identity level
The Two Types of Conversations A Battle of Messages A Learning Conversation
Learning Conversation BATTLE OF MESSAGES The Subject Level Challenge: the issue is more complex than any of us fully understands ASSUMPTION: I know all I need to know to understand the issue or incident ASSUMPTION: Each of us is bringing different information and perceptions to the table: there are likely to be important things that each of us does not know GOAL: Persuade them that I am GOAL: Explore each other’s stories and how we right (and they are wrong) understand the issue/situation and why ASSUMPTION: I know what their real motives and assumptions are ASSUMPTION: I know what my motives and assumptions are and how I react to their assertions GOAL: Get them to see how misguided their motives and purposes are GOAL: Share what is at stake For me and listen to understand what is at stake for them
Learning Conversation BATTLE OF MESSAGES The Feeling Level ASSUMPTION: Feelings are irrelevant and aren’t approppriate to share ASSUMPTION: Feelings are at the heart of the issue—and are usually complex. I may have to work a bit to fully understand my feelings Challenge: the issue is emotionally charged GOAL: Avoid talking about feelings GOAL: Address feelings (mine And others) without judgment ASSUMPTION: I am either all right (and good) or all wrong (and bad) ASSUMPTION: There is a lot at stake psychologically for all involved. Each of us is complex and none is perfect. GOAL: Protect myself from painful insights GOAL: Understand identity issues for all involved and develop a more complex selfimage The Identity Level Challenge: The issue can feel threaten. Ing to our identity
Yes…BUT…
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