Assertiveness Workshop By the end of this workshop

Assertiveness Workshop By the end of this workshop participants will be able to: • Recognise the difference between Aggressive, Assertive and Non-Assertive behaviour. • Identify the benefits of using Assertive behaviours • Understand apply verbal and non-verbal techniques of Assertion • Utilise different levels of Assertion appropriate to the situation

What is Assertiveness? Assertiveness is the ability to express yourself and your rights without violating the rights of others: • Being able to stand up for yourself • Making sure your opinions and feelings are considered • Not letting other people always get their way • Communicating in a way that helps other people to understand you, and to be more aware of themselves It is not being aggressive. Rather it is based on the equality of rights

Assertiveness and Rights Assertiveness can be described as a way to balance the rights of the two parties involved. A Yours G More G A R N S E O S S N E S Rights Importance R I A T O S I N S O E N R Less Theirs T I V E

For Example… Aggressive Assertive Non-Assertive You exert your right to have ideas and opinions at the expense of the other person’s rights. In fact you behave as if the other person’s rights don’t matter. You exert your rights freely, but at the same time recognise the other person’s rights to be heard, to have pride in what they do, etc. You take too much account of the other person’s rights, to the extent that you forego some or all of your rights to express ideas or influence events Ken and Kate Back – Assertiveness at Work

For Example… Aggressive Assertive Non-Assertive “I don’t know how you’ve got the nerve to give me this sort of stuff for signing. It’s full of mistakes. ” “Jane, I’d like you to re-do this document as there are several mistakes in it. ” “I know it’s er…. probably my fault in…. not writing very clearly, but is there, um…. any chance at all you could find a spare minute to um…. just change one or two small things on this letter for me? ” Or you find an excuse not to take the document back at all. Ken and Kate Back – Assertiveness at Work

What Drives These Behaviours Inner Dialogues can affect the way we respond, for example: Aggressive Assertive Non-Assertive “If people produce rubbish, I have every right to tell them so” “She obviously doesn’t care. That’s typical of young people today” “This reflects badly on me, and I won’t stand for it” “This may be uncomfortable for us both, but we can handle it” “She has the right to make mistakes, but the responsibility to correct them” “I want her to know the effect her errors have on other people” “I don’t want to make a scene or upset our working relationship” “I’m sure these are unintentional errors – I’ll let it go this time” “I know she’s very busy, so I expect that’s why these mistakes happened” Being aware of these Inner Dialogues can help us consider our response and adjust behaviour to be assertive Ken and Kate Back – Assertiveness at Work

In What Situations Do You Find It Difficult to Assert Yourself? Exercise: In groups of 3 or 4, identify one situation each in which you find it difficult to assert yourself? • What gets in your way? • How do you feel? • How does the other person react? Choose, and be prepared to share an example from your group

What Are the Benefits of Behaving Assertively?

So…. How Do We Go About It? Techniques • Stop, think , prepare - understand your inner dialogue and consider how you can respond assertively • Work out what you want to happen - and how you can help the other person • State your position clearly , honestly, briefly and openly - long, awkward explanations can confuse the situation • Use good communication skills - level, well-modulated tone of voice - the power of I and We - your right to say No, or that you are undecided - use open questions - listen to understand

So…. How Do We Go About It? Techniques • Use assertive body language - Open, relaxed posture - Maintain direct eye contact - Expressions that match your words • Anticipate their response - and prepare accordingly • Aim for a win/win solution And finally, PRACTICE. Assertiveness is a skill that can be developed

Practising Assertive Behaviour Exercise: In same groups, pair up and practice using situations identified earlier • Take same time to refresh scenarios • Take on own role – ask partners to take the role of the other person • Other colleagues observe and prepare feedback And, don’t be afraid to have a bit of fun!

Feedback You – How did it feel? What went well or not so well? Partner – How did the response feel? What worked well and why? Observers – What did you see and hear? q q q All Verbal Non-verbal What reactions were evident – Any conclusions Be prepared to feedback your conclusions

When It Gets More Difficult – Using Levels of Assertion • Different levels of Assertion can be used in different situations Basic Responsive • Choosing the right level Empathetic Discrepancy • Increasing Impact appropriately Negative Feelings • Range Consequential

Questionnaire Which level of assertion would you use in each of the situations on the questionnaire?

And Finally Aim for Win - Win I get what I need Result! I don’t get what I need You don’t get what you need You get what you need Assertive Behaviour Can Build Effective, Meaningful, Long Term Relationships

Summary Assertiveness • Recognises the rights of both parties • Has benefits over aggression or nor-assertion • Need to be aware of inner dialogues • Techniques include: - Preparation - Verbal Communication - Body Language - Listening and Responding • Different levels of assertion can be used in different situations • Builds understanding, confidence and relationships