Assertive Behaviur Prof Bharat Nadkarni If your emotional

Assertive Behaviur Prof Bharat Nadkarni

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self awareness, if you don’t assert, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far. ”

Assertive Behavior Meaning of Assertiveness According to Webster’s Third International Dictionary, the verbs “assert” means “to state or affirm positively, assuredly, plainly or strongly. ” It is the extent of forcefulness a person (or leader) uses with a view to express himself. Assertiveness is a term meant to describe the extent of control; the leader tries to exercise over both the followers as well as the situation. It means expressing what you think or feel without endangering the ego of others. It is saying what you mean and having self-respect and respect for others. Assertiveness is a skill you can acquire – not a personality trait. It is an essential skill for a leader.

The Assertive Personality The assertive person possesses four characteristics: 1. He feels free to reveal himself. Through words and actions he makes the statement “This is me. This is what I feel, think and want. ” 2. He can communicate with people on all levels – with strangers, friends and family. This communication is open, direct, honest and appropriate. 3. He has an active orientation to life. He pursues what he desires. In contrast to the passive person who waits for things to happen, he attempts to make things happen. 4. He acts in a way that he respects himself. Aware that he cannot always win, he accepts his limitations. However, he always strives to make the good try so that win, lose or draw, he maintains his self-respect.

What is so good about being Assertive? The ability to express our feelings constructively, and to be open with others about what we want, maximizes our chances of getting the kind of relationships we want, the job we want, the friends we want, the life we want. Assertive people are more confident, less punishing of others, less frustrated, less anxious. All of this is well documented in research findings. Being assertive is another facet of being proactive. By proactive we mean making things happen, rather than letting them happen to you. Proactivity is the dimension which is most correlated with high self –esteem and consequently with mental health.

Five basic rights of assertive behaviour 1. You have the right to do anything as long as it does not hurt someone else. 2. You have the right to maintain your dignity by being properly assertive – even if it hurts someone else – as long as your motive is assertive, not aggressive. 3. You always have the right to make a request of another person as long as you realize the other person has the right to say no. 4. You must realize that there are certain borderline cases in interpersonal situations where the rights aren’t clear. But you always have the right to discuss the problem with the person involved and so clarify it. 5. You have the right to attain your rights.

Assertiveness: Principles and Behavior There are certain basic principles for being assertive: • Reveal as much of your personal self as is appropriate to the situation and the relationship. • Strive to express all feelings, whether angry or tender. • Act in ways that increase your liking and respect for yourself. • Examine your own behavior and determine areas where you would like to become more assertive. Pay attention to what you can do differently rather than how the world can be different. • Do not confuse aggression with assertion. Aggressiveness is an act against others. Assertion is appropriate standing up for yourself.

• Realize you may be unassertive in one area, like business, and assertive in another area, like marriage. Apply the techniques you use successfully in one area to the other. • Practice speaking up with trivia. If you can say “Go to the end of the line” to a woman at the supermarket, you can eventually announce “No I don’t want to do that” to your spouse. • Do not confuse glib, manipulatory behavior with true assertion. • Understand assertion is not a permanent state. As you change, life situations change, and you face new challenges and need new skills.

Assertiveness is a set of congruent behaviors one can learn through persistence and practice. 1. Think and talk about yourself in a positive way It is worthwhile to keep on working at thinking and talking positively about yourself. It may help you take time to compile a list of your qualities, gifts, and strengths. You may also think and / or talk something nice about yourself. 2. Feel comfortable expressing honest compliments You surely appreciate certain things about other people something they do, they wear, the way they work, what that say. It is helpful to you and to them to express it, verbally and non-verbally. Your environment is much better when there is more affirmation and reinforcement than complaining and criticism.

3. Accept compliments without embarrassment Others too appreciate certain things about you, and it is good that they express their appreciation through honest compliments. Don’t be hasty in doubting their honesty. Rather, take their compliments in and accept them graciously. 4. Express yourself directly and spontaneously That is to say, express your feelings and your thoughts or opinions directly (“This is what I feel. . ”, “This is what I think. . ”) and as spontaneously as you can. The feelings you actually experience, and the thoughts you think worth expressing both positive, as well as negative, with due respect for the other person.

5. Ask for what you want Clarify yourself about what you want and express it appropriately either as a suggestion or a request or a command, depending on the situation. Remember that failing in getting what you want is not failing in assertiveness. Your target behavior is asking for it. Merely hinting is a poor substitute. When in doubt you ask yourself: What have I got to lose or gain by asking or not asking? 6. State honest disagreement with ease When you disagree with what someone says, stick to the issue without attacking the person. If you are deficient in this behavior, you may begin with small issues and gradually move on to bigger ones. If the disagreement leads to an argument, try to settle it rather than winning it and making the other person a loser. And be ready to say honestly, “I was wrong”.

7. Be able to say “No” Specially so if you honestly think others take advantage of you. Remember that the responsibility to say ‘No’ rests with you, and that to say ‘Yes’ when you want to say ‘No’ is dishonest and hurts your feelings. It is OK to grant inconvenient favors provided you want to. In saying ‘No’ there is no need to be rude, neither is it necessary to give many explanations. Make it clear that you are saying ‘No’ to the request, not to the person, and be ready to be misunderstood. 8. Insist on fair treatment This will often involve you and a person ‘in charge’. Explore your alternatives: voicing your dissatisfaction in polite, firm terms may be enough; if it is not, then increase the forcefulness of your expression.

Whatever the outcome you’ll feel better for having stood up for your rights. And recognize the limitations of the situation, that is, when you have done all you can, learn to live peacefully with the results. 9. Keep in touch with friends Valuable friendships often decline because neither party acts to keep it going. Waiting for the other to take the initiative does not always have the desired effect. 10. Take the first step in forming new friendships Friendships are important. So a reasonable thing to do is to take the first step when you meet someone you would like to know better. If you wait for them to act, you assume they are capable of taking risks. Risks are risks no matter who takes them. Ask no more of others than you ask of yourself.

Thank You