Asexuality an invisible orientation What is asexuality Asexuality

Asexuality an invisible orientation

What is asexuality?

Asexuality Defined Asexuality is a sexual orientation defined by the lack of sexual attraction There is however an entire spectrum Several different orientations fall beneath the asexual umbrella

Asexual Umbrella* There is a wide range of people who fit under the asexual umbrella. Someone who is demisexual does not experience sexual attraction until a strong emotional connection is formed Someone who is a grey-asexual finds themselves somewhere between asexual and sexual Other sub-categories may include: • Fraysexual: sexual attraction fades after initially meeting someone (opposite of demisexual) • Cupiosexual: wanting a sexual relationship, but does not experience sexual attraction • Lithosexual: experiencing sexual attraction, but not wanting it reciprocated • Autochorissexual/Aegosexual: disconnect between oneself and the target of sexual arousal • Placiosexual: wanting to do sexual things with someone else, but are okay if they actions are not reciprocated (deals with action, not attraction) • Abrosexual: orientation fluctuates between different orientations • Apothisexual: someone who identifies as asexual and is sex repulsed *Not all orientations are represented here

Asexuality is Not… There a lot of misconceptions about what asexuality is and is not • asexuality is not an abstinence pledge (although there may be abstinent aces) • asexuality is not a synonym for celibacy (there are celibate aces and promiscuous aces and aces everywhere in between) • asexuality is not a gender identity (although there may be trans, non-binary, or genderqueer aces) • asexuality is not a disorder (although there may be aces with physical or mental conditions) • asexuality is not a choice (although not every ace is “born that way”) • asexuality is not a hormone imbalance (although there may be aces with hormone issues) • asexuality is not a fear of sex or relationships (although there may be aces who are afraid of or otherwise dislike sex or relationships)

Are asexuals incapable of love?

No!

Types of Love • romantic love- love one might have for someone with whom they are in a romantic relationship, or would like to be • familial love- love one might have for their family • platonic love- love one might have for their friends, BFFs, or queerplatonic partner(s) queerplatonic- Describes a platonic relationship that transcends a person’s usual boundaries for platonic relationships, or an incredibly strong non-romantic partnership

Romantic Attraction The desire for a romantic partnership with a person Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same thing and can exist independently Romantic orientations are as varied as sexual orientations. They don’t even have to match!

Romantic Orientations* Hetero- experiences attraction to the opposite sex Homo- experiences attraction to the same sex Bi- experiences attraction to two or more genders, or both sexes Pan- experiences attraction to all genders Skolio- experiences attraction to genderqueer or transgender individuals A- does not experience romantic attraction Demi- does not experience romantic attraction until a strong emotional connection is formed Grey- finds themselves somewhere between aromantic and romantic Quoi/WTF- unable to differentiate between platonic and romantic love *There are other romantic orientations that are not represented here

Other Types of Attraction • sensual attraction- desire for physical contact with a specific individual (hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. ) • aesthetic attraction- getting pleasure from the appearance of a specific individual • platonic attraction- desire to have a platonic relationship with a specific individual (squish) squish- a platonic crush on a person. Similar to a crush, but without the romantic feelings

So, asexuals never have sex?

Not Necessarily…

Libido is Not Sexual Attraction • sexual attraction- desire to touch someone sexually or finding a person desirable for sexual activity • libido- a person’s sex drive, or the frequency with which they desire sexual contact, regardless of their pattern of attraction • nonlibidoist- someone without a sex drive

Comfort Levels with Sex • sex-positive- approving of sex in general, for all people. The belief that sex is good as long as it's safe and consensual • sex-favorable- desiring sex for yourself • sex-neutral- Having no opinion toward sex in general, for all people • sex-indifferent- Neither actively wanting sex for yourself, but not being against the idea of having it • sex-negative- believing that sex is bad or inherently wrong in general, for all people • sex-averse/repulsed- not enjoying or desiring sex for yourself

Why do asexuals choose to “come out”?

Coming Out Asexual people choose to come out for the same reason any other queer individual does: to be seen as their full self Society assumes that everyone is sexual by default. This places a lot of expectations on asexual people and alienates them Coming out helps asexuals communicate what they want, how (or if) they want to engage in relationships, and find a sense of community

But asexuals don’t face the same issues as the rest of the queer community, right?

Wrong!

Challenges Faced by Asexuals • invalidation- any tactics used to deny the existence of orientation or a particular person’s self-identification • compulsory sexuality- the idea that a romantic relationship requires both partners to be sexually available, and that a (usually heterosexual) sexual relationship is an important goal for all people. • amatonormativity- the idea that (generally monogamous) romantic relationships should be an ultimate life goal of all people, and that these relationships have more intrinsic worth than other relationships • erasure- this can refer both to passive exclusion (especially from popular culture and media), and to active denial of an identity • harmful stereotypes • corrective rape- a hate crime in which an individual is raped because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The common intended consequence of the rape, as seen by the perpetrator, is to turn the person heterosexual or to enforce conformity with gender stereotypes

Things People Say… A Short List • So you reproduce by budding? • It’s good that you are saving yourself • You mean you’re gay? • You can’t be if you masturbate • It’s just a phase • • You are just a late bloomer How did you become asexual? I really want to get rid of my urges. . • Were you abused? • Have you seen a therapist? • Have you had your hormones checked? • Is there a cure? • • • You just haven’t found the right person How can you know unless you’ve tried it? That doesn’t exist, you are trying to be part of a fad • You are just repressed • I can cure you • Everyone wants sex! • • You must have so much free time Is this really something that needs awareness? Nobody's getting asexual-bashed

What’s popular in the Ace community?

Flags, Symbols, and Other Fun Stuff Asexuality Flag Dragons Cake Black Ring Ace Cards

Headcanons • Dexter Morgan from Dexter (Demiheteroromantic, Ace) • Sherlock Holmes (Aromantic, Ace) • Charlie Weasley from Harry Potter (Aromantic Ace) • Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter (Pan, Ace) • Enjolras from Les Mis (Aromantic, Ace) • Haruhi Fijioka from Ouran High School Host Club (Aromantic, Demi) • Rey from Star Wars the Force Awakens (Aromantic, Ace) • Ned from Pushing Daisies (Heteromantic, Ace) • Voodoo from Sirens (confirmed Ace) • Poppy from Huge (confirmed Ace)

Where can I go to learn more?

Resources • The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)- asexuality. org • Asexual ACES- find them on Facebook • Reddit- https: //www. reddit. com/r/asexuality • Acebook- http: //www. ace-book. net