ACCEPTANCE n n Everyone wants to be ACCEPTED

ACCEPTANCE n n Everyone wants to be: ACCEPTED

► APPROVED ► RECOGNIZED ► and APPRECIATED by others.

ACCEPTANCE • Acceptance is a need • • • for all of us. At a very early age the young child asks: “Mommy, do you love me? ” “Daddy, do you love me? ”

Acceptance n n n The child reaches out for further approval to do something by asking: “Can I bake? ” “Can I help? ”

ACCEPTANCE For children to receive positive affirmation from the parents is absolutely essential to their human growth and development

Acceptance ► As young children, we required acceptance from significant others in order to grow in self worth.

Acceptance We can never truly experience this self -worth unless we are accepted by at least one person who is important in our lives.

Acceptance l l The normal way to first experience the quality of acceptance is through the: PARENTS

Acceptance • BROTHERS • SISTERS

Acceptance n n AUNTS And UNCLES

Acceptance o This is further extended in the individual’s environment through playmates, schoolmates, and eventually fellow workers and so on.

Acceptance n Following this normal growth progression, the healthy individual is able to feel comfortable with a variety of people and with a combination of groups.

Acceptance l This healthy and trusting attitude has been lacking in us who have an alcoholic personality.

Acceptance l We are filled with insecurities and, as a consequence, we are uncomfortable in what would be to others a very non-threatening social situation.

Acceptance n It is most likely that we were uncomfortable even with blood relatives as early as the age of six or seven.

Acceptance l Young children, predisposed with the alcoholic personality, misinterpreted the love and care of their parents. They took their response as rejection or disapproval.

Acceptance • In vain, such young children became determined that their parents had to accept them as they were— rebellious, reactive, strongwilled, disobedient and uncooperative.

Acceptance n We, as young children in our alcoholic state, demanded that our parents accept us as we were. Nonetheless, we virtually refused to accept anything they offered us, such as love, guidance, direction or advice.

Acceptance n These were the basic needs we so desperately required but which we so vehemently refused. As a consequence, we developed double standards by which to live out our lives.

Acceptance n As young children, we were thrown into confusion and turmoil. Not able to accept ourselves and feeling that we could not trust our families, we sought approval and recognition outside the home at a later stage.

Acceptance n We would go to any extreme to be accepted by one or two people or by a subculture.

Acceptance n It did not matter if this meant smoking, drinking, stealing or other socially unaccepted practices.

Acceptance n In short our lives have been shattered that in our desperate attempt to prove ourselves we were prepared to “sell our soul” for the elusive sense of belonging or a deceiving sense of approval.

Acceptance o One can see how the tragic drama unfolded. Many of us craved out our lives by delinquent behavior either by getting in trouble at school…

Acceptance • Trouble with the law. • Or trouble in the workplace.

Acceptance • Some of us chose to become loners. Most of us afflicted with this disease lost a basic trust in people or we discovered that most things were unacceptable to us.

Acceptance ► We would say “What does anybody really have to offer me that is of any value? I’ll use people and take advantage of others before they take advantage of me. ”

Acceptance ► The effects of our deteriorating disease rendered us unable to accept anyone or anything for any length of time. In short, we became powerless.

Acceptance We drifted from one person to the next, from one place to the other, from one job to the next or from hobby to hobby.

Acceptance n We finally convinced ourselves that we were unacceptable to others as well as to ourselves. This is where we were at when we finally realized that we needed help and we came to Brentwood to seek sobriety and spiritual recovery.

Acceptance l We can get a brief glimpse of the depth of this disease by recognizing that when we first came to a recovery home such as Brentwood we were not authentically accepting ourselves.

Acceptance • It is the acceptance of the other people on program that gives us a renewed ability to genuinely accept ourselves as we are at the time.

Acceptance n It is the overpowering influence of the other alcoholic on program accepting us as we are no matter what we have done that gives us the courage to feel accepted.

Acceptance ► We no longer have to prove ourselves as worthy. In effect, we do not have to prove anything. So we do not have to manipulate in order to be accepted or play any more games. We are accepted unconditionally.

Acceptance l We are told in the program that we belong and that we are an integral part of the fellowship. We are included and we immediately feel “part of” with no questions asked.

Acceptance n Because we experience this deepening sense of acceptance and the feeling of concern from others in the very first day, we in turn, are committed to stay and work on our spiritual recovery.

Acceptance n The more people there are in the program, the more we feel accepted. Since our insecurities are so deep, frequent reassurances are essential.

Acceptance l Acceptance of ourselves becomes more richly ingrained in us. From feeling accepted, we can, in return, begin to accept other people here and reach out to them unconditionally.

Acceptance l No matter what others have done in their lives, we are open and accepting of them.

Acceptance ► It is for the reason that one-on-one encounters are not chosen on the basis or favoritism or because people are “buddy-buddy. ”

Acceptance n One-on-ones are spontaneous encounters which are very skillfully worked into the recovery process.

Acceptance • It is the alcoholic’s “life line. ” We learn to be open to whatever person is next to us when it comes time to choose a partner with whom to share.

Acceptance n It is also essential for us to develop an innerdirected discipline by which this newly developed attitude of acceptance can be nurtured.

Acceptance ► Thus it is paramount for the people on program to refrain from being selective as to what aspects of the program they are going to follow, since this would water down one’s program and would be irresponsible.

Acceptance • The point that must be made is that, in the past, we always put ourselves first and others second.

Acceptance n The Brentwood philosophy advocates that if we want to fight our disease it is imperative that the group and the fellowship come first.

Acceptance n This is quite a role reversal for us as selfwilling alcoholics. The essential ingredient here is co-operation as opposed to self-centered individualism.

Acceptance l By following these basic principles, we progress from an acceptance of self to an acceptance of others and gradually to an acceptance of God’s forgiveness.

Acceptance n Ultimately, we are able to forgive ourselves as our self-worth becomes a more integral aspect of our lives. We can gladly say: “I can now accept myself as loveable and worthy of respect. ”

Acceptance l As we begin to cooperate, there comes a realization that we are beginning: l 1. To accept what is right and good for life of the group.

Acceptance n 2. To accept direction.

Acceptance o 3. To open the heart to receive and give.

Acceptance l 4. To tune into the feelings of others and…

Acceptance To fight our tendency to indifference and callousness.

Acceptance • Through the spirit of cooperation, we come to develop a greater ability to accept ourselves and to accept others “where they are. ”

Acceptance n “Letting go” is an important part of recovery. As alcoholics we need to learn to “let go”

Acceptance ► We must come to accept the fact that we need not be perfect nor should we expect others to be perfect. Intolerance of others indicates a subtle superiority– a looking down on the other person.

Acceptance n Acceptance means caring for others, responding to the needs of others, being open to persons.

Acceptance l Acceptance can readily be discerned. We can judge the quality of our acceptance to the degree that we are open to the person who turns us off the most or the individual we find most repulsive.

Acceptance • Acceptance entails being open to give ourselves genuinely and wholeheartedly to others, to help them and to be open to receive the help of others when we are in need.