Abby Easton Program Coordinator Hello and Thank You
Abby Easton Program Coordinator
Hello, and Thank You My name is Abby Easton. I am currently the Volunteer Coordinator for Clark County Juvenile Court. I came to this position a couple months ago after being a Probation Officer with the court for 13 years. These kids are near and dear to my heart. Many just haven’t been given the opportunities that I, or my children, have been given; along with my colleagues and possibly you. We are excited to be launching a mentoring program in our community that focuses on our at risk youth in our community. As you know, one day these will be some of the children leading the way for our country for years to come. Our hope is to try to introduce new ideas, opportunities, and break the cycle of the possibility of the school to prison pipeline, as well as instilling guidance, leadership skills, and goal achievement through mentoring. I hope you are as excited as I am to get matched to your mentee. I look forward to the opportunity to discuss this presentation and any questions that may arise. Enjoy! Abby Easton Volunteer Coordinator Clark County Juvenile Court (937)521 -1671 eastona@clarkohiojuvcourt. us
Clark County Juvenile Court’s Mission To resolve disputes in a fair, impartial, effective and efficient manner that is accessible to all parties. The court administers justice objectively and rehabilitates juveniles, supports and strengthens families and provides public safety. Judge, Katrine M. Lancaster Magistrate, Brandin Marlow Magistrate, Nichol Smith
What We Do “Helping young people achieve their full potentials is the best way to prevent them from becoming involved in risky behavior. ” –National Clearinghouse on Families and Youth. The Clark County Mentoring Program’s mission is to provide quality mentors to our court involved at-risk youth. The mentors provide support and guidance, as well as, supporting a sober life style from illegal substances, discourage the use of firearms and violence, aid in increasing academic performance, assist in helping to take personal responsibility for their actions, and encourage goal setting in all aspects of their lives. The Mentoring Program is anticipated to be beneficial to both the mentee and Mentor, with the primary goal of preventing delinquency and decreasing recidivism. Many of the youth you will be working with will have spent time in detention or will, at some point, spend time in detention. Many of the youth you will be working with will have some form of trauma/mental health issues that, at times, interferes with their day to day life. Many of the youth you will be working with have spent time in foster homes, or are in a foster home; been placed in a group home or residential facility. Some have been placed with multiple family members and family friends from early on in life up through their current situation.
Who We Serve Children and families of Clark County. We protect and serve the community by providing direction and assistance to youth and their families. We hold our youth accountable for their delinquent/unruly actions through immediate sanctions. With assistance from families, we utilize community resources while focusing on positive reinforcements to guide youth in becoming productive citizens.
At-risk youth comprise a vast population of young people often residing in urban areas of the United States. Such youth have been described as being economically and socially disenfranchised and are generally defined as, by virtue of their circumstance, statistically more likely than others to fail. They often live in chronic poverty with negative peer influences and possibly live in foster care. When the needs of these young people go unmet, their potential negative outcomes include: § § § teenage pregnancy, criminal or antisocial behavior, poor academic performance, shorter life span, mental health problems, and unhealthy relationships www. foratriskyouth. org/factsheet
Where it All Begins
TRAUMA AND ADOLESCENT BRAIN DEVELOPMENT “The human brain is designed to sense, process, store, perceive, and act on information from external and internal environment. All of these complex systems and activities work together for one overreaching purpose– survival” (Goldstein, 1995 cited in Perry, et al. , 1995). Neurons are the building blocks of the brain. During development, neurons create networks that link to create systems. These systems are how the brain regulates all functions. Brain functions are organized from the most simple to the most complex. The development of these functions is sequential, meaning prior events impact future developments.
Adolescent Brain Development plays a huge role as well into the development of children into stable adults. If they have positive support while growing up and developing they are less likely to take risks and engage in poor behaviors. However, if they have not had the support, especially during the crucial time of brain development, you will see the negative emerge. Link to video
A key fact that child welfare professionals, judges, and others who work with child welfare -involved families should know is that there are critical developmental times when neural pathways are being formed that can be significantly altered by traumatic events. • Attachment: Trouble with relationships, boundaries, empathy, and isolation • Physical Health: Impaired sensorimotor development, coordination problems, increased medical problems, and somatic symptoms Trauma’s Impact on Brain Development • Emotional Regulation: Difficulty identifying or labeling feelings and communicating needs • Dissociation: Altered states of consciousness, amnesia, impaired memory • Cognitive Ability: Problems with focus, learning, processing new information, language development, planning and orientation to time and space • Self-Concept: Lack of consistent sense of self, body image issues, low self-esteem and guilt. • Behavioral control: Difficulty controlling
Early Childhood Brain development in infancy lays the foundation for all future development. Experiences teach the brain what to expect and how to respond When experiences are traumatic, the pathways getting the most use are those in response to trauma; this reduces the formation of other pathways needed for adaptive behavior. This can result in disrupted attachment, cognitive delays, and impaired emotional regulation. The overdevelopment of certain pathways and the underdevelopment of others can lead to impairment later in life. By age 3 the brain is almost 80% of its adult size; by age 5 its almost 90%. Practicenotes. org: How Trauma Affects Brain Development (Children’s Services Practice Notes, vol. 17, no. 2)
Children and Teens ● ● ● ● ● Brain development continues in the school-age years, but more slowly. During this stage neural pathways are pruned or eliminated in increase efficiency. The brain will also coat neural pathways to protect and strengthen them. This allows school-aged children to master more complex skills including impulse control, managing emotions, and sustaining attention. Trauma during this stage of development can have significant impact on learning, social relationships, and school success. If trauma continues into school-age years from early childhood, the impact is greater on overall functioning. There is some evidence that trauma that begins in the school-age years will have different impact than trauma that begins in early childhood. School-age onset seems to result in more externalizing behaviors (acting out) whereas early childhood onset results in more internalizing behaviors (withdrawal, depression, self-blame). In adolescence the brain goes through another period of accelerated development. The pruning of unused pathways increases, similar to early childhood. This process makes the brain more efficient, especially in the part of the brain that supports attention, concentration, reasoning, and advanced thinking. Trauma during adolescence disrupts both the development of this part of the brain and the strengthening of the systems that allow this part of the brain to effectively communicate with other systems. This can lead to increased risk taking, impulsivity, substance abuse, and criminal activity. Practicenotes. org: How Trauma Affects Brain Development (Children’s Services Practice Notes, vol. 17, no. 2)
What Can We Do Addressing the impact of trauma requires a comprehensive and collaborative approach. Awareness and understanding of the issue is the first step towards trauma informed practices. Understand that backgrounds and differences shape an individual’s healing process after trauma. Seek out ways to enhance children’s connections to their background, communities and individual supports Ensure the child feels safe as possible in any situation or setting Plan ahead and check with the child Look and listen for any indications that they do not feel safe Have a plan to address emotions and triggers in unavoidable situations Practicenotes. org: How Trauma Affects Brain Development (Children’s Services Practice Notes, vol. 17, no. 2)
TRAUMA AND AT-RISK YOUTH Link to Video
MENTAL HEALTH AND AT-RISK YOUTH Some groups of children and families are disproportionately represented among those experiencing trauma. This means that they may be exposed to trauma at particularly high rates or be at increased risk for repeated victimization. For some populations, co-occurring issues and unique adversities can complicate recovery from trauma. Others may face significant challenges related to access to services or require services that are specially adapted for their needs.
Trauma and Substance Abuse o There is a strong connection between traumatic stress and substance abuse that has implications for children and families, whether the user is an adolescent, parent or caregiver. o Research studies have shown that adolescents who engage in problematic substance use are more likely to experience traumatic events and develop PTSD, depression, violent behavior, suicide, and other mental health problems compared to those who do not use substances. o Adolescents exposed to traumatic events are more vulnerable to problematic substance use. o Caregiver substance use carries many risks for child and adolescent development. Starting even before children are born. o Parental substance use increases children’s risk for later mental health problems and victimization. o Children and adolescents with substance-using parents may be exposed to other high-risk situations, such as violence in the home and the community. nctsn. org/what-is-child-trauma/populations-at-risk
Trauma and Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities Research indicates that youth living with intellectual and developmental disability (IDD) experience exposure to trauma at a higher rate than their non-disabled peers. Children with IDD appear to be at an increased risk for physical abuse, physical restraint, seclusion, sexual abuse, and emotional neglect. Children with IDD not only have psychological distress but also many are prone to more medical problems than their developing peers. They may have more chronic medical issues that necessitate surgeries and other invasive procedures. When trauma occurs with children and families with IDD, it is challenging to effectively address the psychological impact of the event. nctsn. org/what-is-child-trauma/populations-at-risk
Trauma and Homelessness As many as 2. 5 million youth per year experience homelessness. Along with losing their homes, community, friends, and routines—as well as their sense of stability and safety– many homeless youth are also victims of violence or other traumatic events. While coming from a variety of backgrounds, research suggests that most of these youth have experienced early and multiple traumas. Their responses to these events have been shaped—at least in part– by age, gender, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. This history of trauma in turn causes significant mental health problems including: depressions, anxiety, PTSD, suicidal ideation, attachment issues, and substance abuse disorders. Once they arrive on the street, many youth are re-traumatized. Causing them to struggle to recover from earlier traumatic events at the same time they are trying to survive in a hostile street environment full with countless dangers; including an increased likelihood of substance abuse, criminal activity, and vulnerability to being trafficked. nctsn. org/what-is-child-trauma/populations-at-risk
Trauma and LGBTQ Youth Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth experience trauma at higher rates than their straight peers. Common traumas experienced by these youth include bullying, harassment, traumatic loss, intimate partner violence, physical and sexual abuse, and traumatic forms of societal stigma, bias and rejections. Professionals have failed to meet the needs of traumatized LBGTQ youth leading to poor engagement and ineffective treatments that, in some cases, perpetuate the youth’s traumatic experiences. nctsn. org/what-is-child-trauma/populations-at-risk
Types of Traumas 03 02 Complex Trauma 01 Bullying A deliberate and unsolicited action that occurs with the intent of inflicting social, emotional, physical, and/or psychological harm to someone who often is perceived as being less powerful. Bullying can severely affect a child’s or teen’s selfimage, social interactions, or school performance, and can lead to mental health problems. Community Violence Exposure to intentional acts of interpersonal violence committed in public areas by individuals who are not intimately related to the victim. Shootings, gang violence, terrorist attacks. Youth and families who live with community violence often have heightened fears that harm could come at any time and experience the work as unsafe and terrifying. Describes both children’s exposure to multiple traumatic events– often of an invasive, interpersonal nature– and the wide ranging, long-term effects of this exposure. These events are severe and pervasive, such as abuse or profound neglect. Complex trauma usually occurs early in life and can disrupt many aspects of the child’s development and the formation of a sense of self. Typically, these events often occur with a caregiver, they interfere with the child’s ability to form an attachment. Children with complex trauma may be overly sensitive to the moods of to others, always watching to figure out what the adults around them are feeling and how they will behave, withhold their emotions from others. nctsn. org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types
Types of Traumas 04 05 Early Childhood Trauma Physical Abuse Generally refers to the traumatic experiences that occur to children aged 0 -6. Because infant’s and young children’s reactions may be different from older children’s, and because they may not be able to verbalize their reactions to threatening or dangerous events. Many people assume that young age protects children from the impact of traumatic experiences. A growing body of research has stablished that young children may be affected by events that threaten their safety or the safety of their parents/caregivers. The effects of this trauma can be seen by frequent nightmares, new fears, and actions or play that reenact the event. One of the most common forms of child maltreatment. This is when a caregiver commits an act that results in physical injury to a child or adolescent, such as: red marks, cuts, welts, bruises, muscle sprains, and broken bones. The impact of physical of abuse on a child’s life can be far reaching. It is especially devastating when a parent/caregiver, who the child depends on for protection/safety, becomes a danger. nctsn. org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types
Types of Traumas 06 07 Sexual Abuse Traumatic Grief Any interaction between a child and adult (or another child) in which the child is used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or an observer. This can include both touching and non-touching behaviors. Children who have been sexually abused may display a range of emotional and behavioral reactions, many of which are characteristic of children who have experienced other types of trauma. These reactions include: increase in nightmares/sleeping difficulties, withdrawn behavior, angry outbursts, anxiety, depression, not wanting to be left alone with particular individuals, sexual knowledge, language/behaviors that are inappropriate for the child’s age. While many children adjust well after a death, other children have ongoing difficulties that interfere with everyday life and make it difficult to recall positive memories of loved ones. A child may have a traumatic reaction after a death that was sudden and unexpected (through violence or accident) or a death that was anticipated ( illness). Reactions can vary according to age, ability to understand death, and personality. Changes in sleeping pattern, appetite, sad, angry, anxious, social isolation, persistent thoughts about death, or feeling the person’s presence nearby. Children’s difficulties with grief vary according to a child’s age, development level, previous life experiences, emotional health before the death, and family and social environment. nctsn. org/what-is-child-trauma/trauma-types
This information provided previously is not meant to scare you or discourage you from mentoring. It is our hope, with providing you with this information, that you will be informed while working with at-risk youth. The youth that we serve, come from an array of different backgrounds; all with their own set of strengths and all with their own set of obstacles that they have to overcome. Understanding that these youth did not get to where they are now all on their own; whether it be poor parenting, homelessness, physical abuse, sexual abuse, or community violence, these youth are fighting daily battles that they have been fighting since they were very young; and the odds have never been in their favor. 2, 363 children are arrested each day in America—one every 37 seconds About 76, 000 children are placed in the adult criminal justice system each year 43, 580 American children were incarcerated on an average night in 2017. Youth Justice Children's Defense Fund www. childrensdefense. org/policy-priorities/youth-justice
Nationally, one in four public school children drop out before they finish high school. For African-American and Hispanic students, the challenge is more severe with the likelihood of graduating on time from high school only 65%. Many of these students don’t have access to positive role models, cannot envision a career, and don’t feel connected to their communities. It is tragic that young people who drop out are much more likely to be unemployed, incarcerated, or live in poverty. There are 46 million young people, aged 8 -18, living in America. 16 million of them are growing up without a mentor. That's one out of every three young people who, outside of their family at home, don't have a trusted adult who they believe they can turn to for advice and guidance. Of those young people, 9 million face a variety of day-to-day challenges that put them at-risk for falling off track. Mentoring creates meaningful connections that can positively impact the lives of both mentor and mentee. Those who receive mentorship are more likely to see improved academic, social, and economic prospects. Those who mentor are able to further build important leadership, management and creative skills, while giving back to their community. That means that EVERY mentorship matters. MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership
We Need You
Where You Come In Juvenile Justice has taken many forms throughout the years. Recently, there has a been a push from the Federal and State levels for evidenced based practices that are more community minded. Clark County Juvenile Court is seeking programming within the community to successfully reintegrate our at-risk youth back into the community so they can be thriving, productive members of our community. We are seeking individuals to assist us in providing structured activities, leadership, goal setting, and support with academics to help us reach that goal. Mentoring creates meaningful connections that can positively impact the lives of both mentor and mentee. Those who receive mentorship are more likely to see improved academic, social, and economic prospects. Those who mentor are able to further build important leadership, management and creative skills, while giving back to their community.
Please Take 10 Minutes to Watch This Video Link to Video
Roles of a Mentor Advisor and coach - Provide advice, guidance, and feedback; share their experience and expertise as appropriate, act as a sounding board for ideas and action plan. Champion and cheerleader - Offer encouragement and support to try new things. Help mentees move out of their comfort zones, celebrate success, and help mentees understand when things do not go as planned and how to bounce back. Resource and recommendations - Identify resources that will help mentees with personal development and growth, such as recommending books, workshops, or other learning tools; encourage mentees to join networking organizations or introduce to new contacts. Devil’s advocate and “truth-sayer” - Provide tough feedback that mentees need to hear in order to move forward. Push mentees to take risks when appropriate; help mentees consider and weigh potential consequences of decisions and actions to avoid pitfalls and predictable surprises that may occur. Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
Engage Effectively With At-Risk Youth Link to Video
The Court Works With Many Diverse Groups The court values all youth regardless of race, age, ethnicity, religion, and socioeconomic status. Many of our families come from many different backgrounds. We work to meet the families where they are at, leaving our own biases behind. The court strives to build understanding between people, to be respectful and open to different cultural perspectives, strengthen cultural security and work towards equality in opportunity regardless of our background. Link to Video
Developmental Assets for Youth ● Developmental assets are factors, both external and internal, that decrease the likelihood that young people will engage in risky behavior and increase the chances they will grow up to be healthy, caring and responsible adults. There are 40 factors of assets. ○ The first 20 are external-positive experiences that children should be receiving. ○ The next 20 are internal-qualities that young people should be developing with the help of adults, communities, and institutions. External Assets There are four categories of external assets: o o Support Empowerment Boundaries and Expectations Constructive use of time Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Internal Assets A communities responsibility for its young does not end with the provision of external assets. There needs to be a similar commitment to nurturing the internalized qualities that guide choices and create a sense of purpose and focus. There are four categories: 1. Commitment to Learning 2. Positive Values 3. Social Competencies 4. Positive Identity
Support Young people need to experience support, care, and love from their families, neighbors, and many others. Organizations and institutions need to provide positive, supportive environments. o Family support — Family life provides high levels of love and support o Positive family communication — Young person and his/her parents communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parents. o Other adult relationships – Young person receive supports from non parent adults o Caring neighborhood — Young person experiences caring neighborhoods o Caring school climate — School provides caring and encouraging environment o Parent involvement in schooling – Parents are actively involved in helping young people succeed in school. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Empowerment o Young people need to be valued by their community and have opportunities to contribute to others. For this to occur, they must be safe and feel secure. o The community values youth—young people perceives that adults in the community value youth. o Youth as resources—Young people are given useful roles in the community o Service to others– young people serve in the community on hour or more per week. o Safety– young people fee safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Boundaries and Expectations Young people need to know what is expected of them and whether activities and behaviors are “in bounds” or “out of bounds. ” o Adult role models – Parents and other adults model positive, responsible behavior o Positive peer influence – Young people’s friends model responsible behavior o o Family boundaries – Family has clear rules and consequences, and monitors the young person’s whereabouts o School boundaries – School provides clear rules and consequences High expectations – Both parents and teacher encourage young people to do well Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Constructive Use of Time Young people need to develop a lifelong commitment to education and learning. o o o Motivation for achievement – Young people are motivated to do well in school. School engagement — Young people is actively engaged in learning. q Reading for pleasure — Young people read for pleasure three or more hours per week. q Bonding in school – Young people care about his/her school Homework — Young people report that doing at least one hour of homework every school day. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Commitment to Learning Young people need constructive, enriching opportunities for growth through creative activities, youth programs, congregational involvement, and quality time at home. o Creative activities — Young people need to spend three or more hours a week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts. o Youth programs – Young people need to spend three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, organizations at school and/or community organizations. Religious community — Young people need to spend an hour or more a week in activities at a religious institution. o o Time at home – Young people is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Positive Values Youth need to develop strong values that guide their choices. o Caring — Young people place high value on helping other people. o Equality and social justice — Young people place high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty. o Integrity — Young people act on conviction and stand up for their beliefs. o Honesty – Young people need to tell the truth even when it’s not easy. o Responsibility – Young people accept personal responsibility for their actions. Restraint – Young people believe it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs. o Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Social Competencies Young people need skills and competencies that equip them to make positive choices, to build relationships, and to succeed in life. o Planning and decision making — Young people know how to plan ahead and make choices. o Interpersonal competence – Young people have empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills. o o Resistance skills – Young people can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations. o Peaceful conflict solution — Young people seek to resolve conflict non violently. Cultural competence – Young people have knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Positive Identity Young people need a strong sense of their own power, purpose, worth, and promise. o Personal power — Young people need to feel that he/she has control over things that happen to them. o Positive view of personal future – Young people are optimistic about his/her personal future. o Self-esteem — Young people report having a high self-esteem. o Sense of purpose — Young people report that their life has purpose. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Unfortunately, all too often the youth that we serve struggle to gain the majority of these factors in their environments. That is why mentoring is critical to attempt to place these supports in the youth’s lives.
What Youth Need “Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know you trust him. ” — Booker T. Washington “Treat a child as though he already is the person he’s capable of becoming. ” — Haim Ginott “If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started. ” — Marcus Garvey
I Hear You… People tend to think of listening as something passive, or they tend not to think about it at all. But listening is actually a skill; a valuable skill that can be practiced and learned. Some have compared a listener to a catcher in a base ball game. * Program Observers who don’t know a lot about baseball might believe that a catcher id doing nothing more than waiting for a pitcher to throw the ball. They think that all the responsibility rests with the pitcher, who is, after all, the one who is winding up and delivering the pitch. In the same way, some people believe that all the responsibility in communication rests with the person who is talking. In reality, though, a good catcher is not a passive target waiting to receive the pitch. He or she concentrates on a pitcher’s motions; tracks the path of the ball; and, if necessary, jumps, stretches, or dives to make the catch. Similarly, a good listener actively tries to catch and understand the speaker’s words. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007. * Kavanaugh, J. (1998). Everyday heros: A guidebook for mentors. Santa Fe, NM: Wise Men&Women Mentorship)
Active Listening is the Most Important Skill of a Good Mentor “You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time. ” –M. Scott Peck When you talk to your mentee, try to remember to: o o o Clear your mind of unnecessary thoughts and distractions, so you can give him/her you undivided attention. Make eye contact Be aware of your body language Pay attention to your mentee’s facial expressions, gestures, and body language Try to read between the lines of your mentee’s feelings. Learn to say, “How did that make you feel? ” Ask open ended questions. Don’t ask, “How was school today? ” Instead ask, “What did you do in school today? ” Then, as appropriate, as non-threatening follow-up questions. Ask one question at a time. Don’t rapid fire questions back to back. Paraphrase in your own words what you think your mentee said. When paraphrasing is accurate, your mentee will feel understood. If it is off the mark, it invites them to clarify and reminds you to listen more closely. Ask questions when you don’t understand Put yourself in your mentee’s shoes, and try to understand the world from his/her point of view. Put aside preconceived ideas, and refrain from passing judgement. Acknowledge that you are listening by occasionally nodding your head and saying things like, “I see. ” Give your mentee the same respect that you desire for yourself when you are talking to someone. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
How to Kill a Conversation o Tell the speaker that the way he/she feels is wrong. “It’s silly to feel that way. ” o Don’t look at the person who is speaking to you. o Sit slouched over, look distracted, drum your fingers on the table, or use some other body language to signal to the speaker that you’re not really interested. o While the person is speaking, think about what you’re going to say in reply. It’s not possible to be forming your own words and concentrating on the speaker’s at the same time, so the response you’re planning is unlikely to be very useful. o Be Judgmental and challenging. Ask questions that put your mentee on the spot: "Why didn’t you do better on the test? ” “Why did you say that to her? ” “How could you possibly think that? ”. o Interrupt the person who is talking. Finishing his/her sentences. o Be totally silent for minutes at a time while your mentee is talking. Don’t say, “I see, ” or “OK, ” or ask any questions. That way, your mentee will wonder if you’re even there. o Do something else while the conversation is taking place: Work at your computer Read your email Do dishes Fold laundry Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007. Pay bills
Building Relationships What Makes a Mentoring Relationship Successful? The key creating effective mentoring relationships lies in the development of trust between two strangers of different ages. Volunteers come to mentoring programs because they want to help youth. Without establishing trust, mentors can never truly support they youth with whom they interact. This can often be a difficult process. Youth who have been let down before have a hard time allowing people into their circle. This takes time– youth cannot be expected to trust their mentor simply because program staff have put the two of them together. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
Effective Mentors are More Likely to Engage in the Following Practices o They see themselves as “friends” rather than teachers or parents, and define their role as supporting the youth in a variety of ways. o They are active listeners o They make a commitment to being consistent and dependable, to maintaining a steady presence in the youth’s life. o They understand that the relationship may seem fairly on-sided and that they are doing all the work, but take responsibility it keeping the relationship alive. Successful mentors regularly initiate contact and ensure that meetings are scheduled, rather than waiting to hear from the youth. o They involve the youth in deciding how the pair will spend their time together. While youth are often reticent about expressing what they want to do, successful mentors take the time to learn about the youth’s interests and proved them with options for how to spend their time, rather than planning on everything without their input. o They pay attention to kids’ need for fun. Having fun together is a key part of building relationships, and it also provides youth with valuable opportunities that are otherwise often unavailable to them. o They seek and utilize the help and advice of program staff. Successful mentors recognize that they don’t have all the answers, and they value the support and guidance that program staff can provide. Training new Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007.
What Stands in the Way of a Successful Relationship? Mentors who focus first on building trust and becoming a friend to their youth tend to be more effective than mentors who immediately try to change or reform youth. When mentors attention is concentrated on reforming youth often are frustrated on the youth’s lack of receptivity. The mistake is then made of pushing too hard and too quickly on the mentee’s problems: pressing them to talk about sensitive issues before they are ready and ignoring the youth’s desire to help set the agenda for the pairs activities. Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
ss Successful Mentors Tend to do the Following o They approach the relationship with narrow, specific goals aimed at changing the youth’s behavior. o They have difficulty meeting with youth on a regular, consistent basis, often demanding that youth play an equal role in initiating contact. Unsuccessful mentors often complain that their mentees do not call them to schedule meetings, or that youth fail to show up for meeting when they say they will. o They attempt to instill a set of values that may be different form inconsistent with those the youth is exposed to at home. o They attempt to transform or reform the youth by setting tasks (example: focusing on doing schoolwork during their meetings) and adopting a parental or authoritative role in their interactions with youth. For youth, the value of a mentor is often having a supportive adult who is not a parent or teacher. o They emphasize behavior changes over developing mutual trust and respect in the relationship. Mentors cannot force youth to change; too much focus on what is wrong with a youth is more likely to turn him/her way from the mentor. Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
Boundaries A boundary can be thought of as a protective barrier that helps to keep us safe. For boundaries to be effective they need to be applied on a consistent and ongoing basis. Boundaries teach children what healthy relationships look like and allow them to be children. Who Needs Boundaries? Everyone can benefit from having health boundaries in our relationships. Exercising your ability to set and maintain those boundaries throughout your mentoring relationship will provide you with an opportunity to challenges your own personal growth. Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
Boundaries Although all children need boundaries, they are particularly important for youth who: o Come from chaotic and unpredictable environments. o Have been victims of abuse o Have to take care of the adults in their lives and as a result have not had their own needs met. Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
How do I prevent my boundaries from being violated? Plan ahead and determine what your boundaries are prior to being matched. Planning in advance will help prevent being caught off guard and it will also help you plan and hearse your desired response. Some specific areas where boundaries are important include: o Money: How much money am I am comfortable spending each outing? How will I respond if on an outing my mentee asks me to buy him/her something? How would I feel if my mentee’s family requests help with their finances. o Behavior: What would I do if my mentee uses foul language, mistreats others, steals, or is disrespectful of me during one of our meetings? o Self-disclosure: How would I respond if my mentee asks me about my previous experience with sex, drug sue, past relationships, or other personal issues? o Time: How much time do I feel comfortable spending with my mentee on a weekly basis? Am I comfortable receiving phone calls at work? How late is too late to receive a phone call (or too early)? What would I do if my mentee does not show up for a meeting? o Working with parents/guardians: What I do if my mentee’s father asks me out on a date? What do I do if when greeted at the door, my mentee’s mother begins sharing her “laundry list” of complaints about her son/daughter? What would I do if my mentee’s grandmother begins crying and sharing her problems with me when I drop by for a visit? Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
Remember: You Do Not Have to Do This Alone. If you are unsure about a situation, need help figuring out how to proceed, or need an intervention, you can go to program staff for support. We are hear to support you and your mentee and will ensure, to the best of our abilities, that your match is successful.
The 3 -Step Approach w Steps you can apply when trying to decide how to handle a difficult scenario: 01 In mentoring, the relationship formula, the strategy, , and the intervention. How can you respond to this situation in a way that protects the well-being of the mentoring relationship. 02 The implications of your response are as important as the response itself. What are the short-term and long-term consequences of the way you choose to handle the situation? Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007 03 Communicate from a place of personal honesty. How can you effectively communicate with your mentee the importance of the boundary in question in a way that honors your needs without blaming or shaming your mentee?
The Mentor-Mentee Relationship Cycle Stage 1: Beginning of the Match Characteristics: Getting to know each other The first impressions Trying to see the positive in the relationship Bonding 1 Effective Communication: Ask open ended questions Use body language that is open and not guarded Active listening Demonstrate empathy Use prompts Speak with language that you feel comfortable with Don’t be afraid of silence Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
The Mentor-Mentee Relationship Cycle Stage 2: Challenging and Testing Characteristics: Mentee Challenges Testing phase Rethinking first impressions Difficult feelings or emotions may surface Effective Communication: Be consistent in your communications, even if it is difficult. Demonstrate respect. Build problem solving techniques into your open ended questions Raise sensitive issues at the beginning of your interactions Make sure to separate behaviors from who the mentee is Disclosure of personal feelings and experiences when appropriate 1 2 Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
The Mentor-Mentee Relationship Cycle Stage 3: Real Mentoring Characteristics: The relationship begins feeling right again Trust is established Growth in the mentee can be observed A “deeper” bond and connection has been formed Effective Communication: Continue with disclosures when appropriate Avoid advising, and allow youth to actively problem solve Build off your knowledge of your mentee’s strengths to foster deeper discussions Give positive feedback and don’t be afraid to let your mentee know when something has hurt you 1 2 Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007 3
The Mentor-Mentee Relationship Cycle Stage 4: Ending Characteristics: Preparing for closure Relationship may become deeper or mentee may start pulling away Reflection Effective Communication: Find common language to sum up your feelings Provide feedback that describes growth that you observed Be prepared to listen and affirm fears that your mentee may have 1 2 Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007 4 3
Self-Care It is important to remember to take care of yourself while mentoring. During your time as a mentor you may come across an array of challenging situations that, at times, may elicit untapped emotions that you weren’t expecting. The population you will be working can be taxing if you are not used dealing with the daily struggles that at-risk youth face. In the beginning, it is important to address those boundaries and address those feeling early on. Program staff is here to help you every step of the way. We want you to enjoy your time as a mentor. We also realize that, for some, this is the first time you have had to faced some of societies problems head on. It will definitely give you new perspectives, either good or bad. Here are some suggestions in helping you deal with uncertain emotions: o Meet regularly with program staff to discuss your mentee/mentor relationship. Bring up concerns and uncertainties and we will work with you on coming up with ways to address certain situations. o Take advantage of meeting/speaking with other mentors. Sometimes speaking with someone who is going through the same thing you are is very beneficial as they understand the ups and downs. o If needed, seek professional help. o Try not to get caught up in the drama/chaos in your mentee’s life o Utilize the trainings that are planned by program staff. Training New Mentors: Effective Strategies for Providing Quality Youth Mentoring in Schools and Communities, September 2007
Now you have completed that training on becoming a mentor. The next steps are to meet with program staff to go over any questions you may have after going through the training. Once you meet with program staff, you will receive your mentor handbook that has a lot of helpful tips on how to deal with this population that may not have been discussed during this presentation. We are looking forward to working with you and matching you with your mentee. Your selfless act of volunteering to be a mentor for at-risk youth is something to be proud of. These children, although they may not seem it, are delicate. We are excited about this adventure to offer this opportunity to connect people from various backgrounds to our diverse, and often overlooked, population. Welcome!
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