A North Point Ministries Resource Is it possible

A North Point Ministries Resource

Is it possible today for two people to stay in love their entire lives?

It’s easy to fall in love, but it’s difficult to stay in love

A North Point Ministries Resource

Love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. - John 13: 34 -35 (ESV)

Key Principle #1: Love is a verb— something we do!

Key Principle #1: Love is a verb— something we do! • Actively do loving things toward your spouse – Feelings will follow

Key Principle #1: Love is a verb— something we do! • Actively do loving things to each other and the feelings will follow. • Follow Christ’s example of sacrificial service putting God & others first.

Key Principle #1: Love is a verb— something we do! • Actively do loving things to each other and the feelings will follow. • Follow Christ’s example of sacrificial service putting God & others first. • Real disciples are marked by love.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2: 3 -4 (ESV)

Key Principle #2: Love is others focused —not self-focused. • Always seek the best for your spouse

Key Principle #2: Love is others focused —not self-focused. • Always seek the best for your spouse • Seek to out-serve/out-love each other

Key Principle #2: Love is others focused —not self-focused. • Always seek the best for your spouse • Seek to out-serve/out-love each other • Have an ‘all-in mindset’ marked by humility

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but it is thinking of yourself less—and others more!

And why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord’, and do not do what I say? Luke 6: 46 (NASB)

And why do you call Me, ‘Lord, Lord’, and do not do what I say? Luke 6: 46 (NASB) Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4: 23 (ESV)

Key Principle #3: Be alert to your ‘heart condition’ • Deal first with my own heart issues – “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. ” -1 John 1: 8

The secret to staying in love is not about changing them, it’s about allowing God to change my heart!

Key Principle #3: Be alert to your ‘heart condition’ • Deal first with my own heart issues • Take seriously Jesus’ warning about love failing due to hardness of heart – Matthew 19: 8

Key Principle #3: Be alert to your ‘heart condition’ • Guard my heart from anything/anyone who might undermine my love for my spouse.

Key Principle #3: Be alert to your ‘heart condition’ • Stay vibrant in your love relationship with Jesus!

Our Challenge to Staying in Love

Our Challenge to Staying in Love • Our human frailty/sin – James 3: 2 “For we all stumble in many ways…” “For all have sinned…” – Romans 3: 23

Our Challenge to Staying in Love • Our human frailty/sin – James 3: 2 • The times we live in – Matthew 24: 12 1 Peter 4: 7 -8

And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. - Matthew 24: 12 ESV

The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4: 7 -8 ESV

Our Challenge to Staying in Love • Our human frailty – James 3: 2 • The times we live in – Matthew 24: 12 1 Peter 4: 7 -8 • The adversary seeking to destroy our marriages – Ephesians 6: 11 -13

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. (Ephesians 6: 11 -13 ESV)

Part 4 Multiple Choice Marriage A North Point Ministries Resource

Challenge #1: The Marital Expectations Gap • The gap between what we expect our partners to be and who they actually are over time.

Challenge #1: The Marital Expectations Gap • The gap between what we expect our partners to be and who they actually are. • There are disappointments in marriage as we see ‘the gap’

E X P E C T A T I O N S THE GAP B E H A V I O R

Challenge #1: The Marital Expectations Gap • The gap between what we expect our partners to do and what they actually do. • There are disappointments in marriage– What we choose to do next is critical!

E X P E C T A T I O N S ASSUME THE WORST THE GAP B E H A V I O R

Challenge #2: Our Relationship is Undermined by Going Negative • Assuming the worst of your partner causes the relationship to spiral downward & wither React Angry Withdraw Critical Divide • You contribute to the demise of relationship

Challenge #2: Don’t Undermine the Relationship by Going Negative • Assuming the worst of your partner causes the relationship to spiral downward & wither. • Believe the best in your partner until it’s impossible to do otherwise. “Love never fails. . . ”

E X P E C T A T I O N S BELIEVE THE BEST THE GAP ASSUME THE WORST B E H A V I O R

Challenge #3: Choosing to Believe the Best • Couples who stay in love for a lifetime learn to always assume the best about each other. This gives us room to grow, improve & mature.

Challenge #3: Choosing to Believe the Best “Our hearts are drawn toward environments of acceptance. God made us that way. ” - Andy Stanley

Challenge #3: Choosing to Believe the Best • Couples who stay in love for a lifetime learn to always assume the best about each other. • Healthy couples do not want to disappoint their spouse in their marital relationship— “Love believes all things…” v. 7

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. ” – 1 Corinthians 13: 4 -8 a (ESV)

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise… be filled with the Spirit…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ…Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord… Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. . . let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. - Ephesians 5: 15 -33 ESV

Our love in marriage thrives when we choose to believe the best in our spouse and commit to act lovingly toward each other regardless of our weaknesses & mistakes. When our marital relationship reflects the love & grace that Christ has for us--His Church, we can experience a love that can last ‘til death do us part’.

Key Applications / Actions to Consider 1. Let’s look our spouse with the eyes of a lover– ‘Love is kind’- Overlook their faults -1 Peter 4: 8

Key Applications / Actions to Consider 2. When we see ‘the gap’ between our expectations and reality—remember that they see the same in us“Love is patient…” – 1 Corinthians 13: 4

Key Applications / Actions to Consider 3. Choose to expect the best from our spouse and encourage them to be their best for Christ“Love believes all things…” – v. 7

True Women Conference • • • Guard My Heart Fill me with Your love Fill me with Your Spirit Clothe me with humility Make me a servant

Key Applications / Actions to Consider 4. Cultivate a marriage where both spouses regularly submit to Christ—think first about pleasing Christ—watch over their hearts—and speak, think and act positively about our spouse as a fellow Christ-follower. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. ” – Eph. 5: 21 (ESV)

Francis & Lisa Chan

Key Applications / Actions to Consider 5. Fill ‘the gap’ with attitudes and actions commanded by Christ toward our spouse— “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ… Love as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her…she respects her husband. ” - Ephesians 5: 21, 25, 33

Key Applications / Actions to Consider 6. Remember that ultimately, only God Himself can meet our every need—He has no ‘gap’—and there is no limit to His love for us. Don’t put on your spouse the burden of trying to meet needs that only God Himself is designed to meet.

How God Gives Us More Love Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5: 3 -5 ESV)

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. – 1 John 3: 16 ESV